Subhadra

She stood by the palace window, tall and still, gazing absently at the blurred distance. She had two choices: both unattractive, out of which, she would have to take a decision. She turned back as she heard the door open. It was Abhimanyu. There were lines of strain and worry all over his face. He clearly had not slept well. She smiled at him weakly. “Mother”, he began. “I have decided to fight in this war alongside my father and uncle. I will bring glory to the Yadava clan even if it means....”, his voice faded away. 

Subhadra struggled to grasp the meaning of his words. She forced a smile and said, “I will support your decision no matter what it is”. She turned back to the window as tears threatened to spill over. Soon she heard the door close. He will not come back she thought remorsefully. “Should I stop him?”, she wondered. “No, he is making a brave choice. It would be wrong if I stopped him. I should be proud of his decision. He always looked for an opportunity to get his father’s recognition.” 

Her thoughts wandered to Mathura, the city where she was born, the city where she spent her childhood. She was born after Balaram and Krishna killed Kamsa, the tyrannical king of Madhura and rescued her parents. Later they shifted to Dwaraka which became their new home. She grew very close to both her brothers, especially Krishna.

It was Krishna who persuaded their father to let her study statecraft and fighting, a very rare thing during her time. She loved singing and playing the veena more than anything else. She heard about her cousins Pandavas who were building their own empire at Indraprastha. Krishna was very fond of them and used to visit them often. Later, it was Bheema who defeated and killed the fierce warrior King Jarasandha of Magadha who was the arch enemy of Yadavas. This strengthened the bond between the two clans further. Balaram used to give Duryodhana and Bheema lessons in mace fighting. She used to watch them spar with each other under the watchful eyes of Balaram. She used to feel uncomfortable watching their animosity towards each other during these sessions. Duryodhana was clearly Balaram’s favourite. However, Subhadra found the eldest Kaurava haughty and arrogant. She had an inkling that Balaram was thinking of getting her married to Duryodhana. She cringed at the thought, but she never told her brothers as she didn’t want to upset him. She saw Duryodhana frequently around the palace as Balaram was letting him stay there. She also caught him staring at her a few times. 

She was attracted to Arjuna who was closer to Krishna and used to come to Dwaraka occasionally. She found the dark and lean warrior very attractive. She had heard of his amazing skills in archery and the stories of him winning the Panchala princess, Draupadi. She was a bit amused on hearing that she later married all the five brothers. Some days later she saw her brother’s chariot on the way to the temple. As it came nearer she realized that it was Arjuna, not Krishna, riding the chariot. The chariot swerved in her direction and before she knew Arjuna pulled her into his chariot. She was so surprised that she hardly heard the screams of her attendants. He drove the chariot away as he quickly left behind the small contingent of soldiers who chased them. She later learnt that Balaram was so furious that he was ready to wage war against Indraprastha. Krishna had pacified him and convinced him that Arjuna was a better choice and Subhadra preferred him anyway. Balaram saw sense in what Krishna said and conducted the marriage ceremony himself.

Arjuna took her to Indraprastha. They first met the queen mother, Kunti. She was draped in white and had a clever face with a warm smile. She blessed both of them happily. She then told Arjuna to take her to Draupadi's chambers. He had told her about Draupadi. She could understand from his tone that he was worried about how she might react. When they began to rule Indraprastha Draupadi had said that no other wife of the Pandavas would stay there. When they reached her chamber, he told her to wait outside while he talked to her. He came back looking dejected. He looked at her and told her to dress as a servant which she did without questioning. When she did, Arjuna told her what to tell Draupadi. 

Subhadra went in reluctantly. When she saw Draupadi she was awe struck by her dazzling beauty. She had a dusky complexion similar to that of Arjuna, large black eyes and a long slanting nose. She was sitting on a swing deep in thought. Subhadra felt a feeling of insecurity surge inside her. Here was the woman who was known as Krishnaa, the dark one. She was in fact also known as Krishna’s sister! Draupadi stood up and looked at her. “Your highness, I am a milkmaid. My husband’s first wife won’t let me stay in the house.” She said and pretended to cry. Draupadi patted her back and told her comfortingly “Don’t worry. It’s all right. You can stay here. I will treat you like my sister.” Subhadra looked at her then looked down at her feet and said–“I am Subhadra”. She sat down on the swing and without any warning she broke down into tears and said, “I am sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that. I shouldn’t have talked to Arjuna like that". She hugged Subhadra. “No wonder Arjuna loves her so much. She has such a big and kind heart”, thought Subhadra. From that day she looked at Draupadi as her own sister. 

Subhadra was brought back to the present by a knock on the door. She opened it to find Uttara standing there with an eager face. “Shouldn’t you be in bed by now child?” Subhadra asked before Uttara could say anything. “I wasn’t feeling sleepy. Did you tell him mother?”. “No”, Subhadra replied. “But he seems to have made his decision. I stopped you from telling him because I did not I want the news to affect his decision. Go to bed dear. You can share this with him tomorrow”. Uttara walked away a bit uncertainly. 

Subhadra smiled to herself. She was going to become a grandmother! She laid down on her bed but sleep was far away. She thought of the moment she first held Abhimanyu in her arms. She was so happy. Arjuna and Krishna were ecstatic. For a brief period, Indraprastha was filled with children’s laughter. Everyone enjoyed watching Abhimanyu and other princes playing together in the palace. Draupadi too adored Abhimanyu. Arjuna was always busy with the kingdom's affairs and he could rarely afford to spend time with his sons. But whenever he did, he was a very caring father. Subhadra never compared the time Arjuna spent with Draupadi with the time he did with her. She knew he loved both of them in different ways. Arjuna had married two other women during his self imposed exile, one was a naga princess and the other was the princess of Manipur. Kunti always had a soft corner for her as she was her niece. Over the years she learnt to ignore the palace gossip going on behind her back. 

Everything seemed so perfect till King Yudhishtira got invited to Hatinapura for a game of dice. Despite everyone telling him to turn it down, he accepted it. First he pledged his enormous wealth, one after the other. He lost all of them. Then he pledged his Kingdom, his brothers and finally himself. He then did the unthinkable. He pledged Draupadi. Shakuni won again. Then Dussasana, on orders of Duryodhana, dragged Draupadi from her chambers to the royal hall. All the elders including Dhritharashtra and Bhishma kept quiet. The only one to stand up for Draupadi was Bhima who vowed to kill Duryodhana and all his brothers. Finally Dhritharashtra, gave back to Pandavas all that they lost in the game. When they were about to leave, Duryodhana challenged Yudhishtira to another game of dice. This time however there would be only one game. The one who lost would have to spend twelve years in exile and the thirteenth year in hiding. If they were found out during the thirteenth year they would have to spend another twelve years in exile. Yudhishtira accepted. The Kauravas won once again. 

Subhadra went to bid farewell to Arjuna before they left for vanavaasa. She went to Draupadi first. “Are you sure you want to go with them?”, she asked Draupadi. Draupadi smiled but said nothing. The answer was clear to both of them. “What about the children?”, she asked again. “My father is taking them to Panchala”. Draupadi hugged Abhimanyu and then and without saying a word hugged Subhadra. They went to Arjuna’s chamber. He was preparing his weapons. Seeing Abhimanyu he put them aside and hugged him tightly. He looked at Subhadra and said, “Both of you will be safe in Dwaraka with Krishna. Make sure Abhimanyu takes his lessons seriously. I am sure we will have to fight Kauravas someday”. After a pause he asked, “Did you try to dissuade Draupadi from coming with us?” She smiled. 

Abhimanyu grew up to be a handsome boy. He grew very close to Subhadra and she doted on him. Krishna watched over Abhimanyu as he learnt statecraft and fighting. He was naturally gifted with all weapons and impressed his uncles with his skills and character. Her heart swelled with pride hearing his praise from Balaram who was never so generous while complimenting his students. She missed Arjuna terribly and spent many nights wondering how he might be doing in the forests. She sometimes wondered whether he would be missing her the same way. Abhimanyu also missed his father. He always asked questions about him. He saw Krishna as a fatherly figure and heard stories about Arjuna's brave feats from him. 

At the end of the thirteenth year news came that the Pandavas were living in hiding in the palace of king Virata of Matsya. Coming to know of their identity the king offered his daughter’s hand to Arjuna in marriage. Subhadra was overjoyed with the decision of Arjuna proposing Abhimanyu’s name instead. The marriage was the first joyous occasion for the Pandava clan after years of suffering. The joy of the marriage was soon overshadowed by the thoughts and discussions of what lay ahead. All the elders including Drupada and Virata were sure that the Kauravas are not going to be in any mood to give back their kingdom. Draupadi wanted revenge and was openly against any attempts for compromise. Subhadra was impressed by her boldness and determination, which she knew had been hardened by the sufferings she had endured for so long. Subhadra tossed and turned all night worried at the thought of Abhimanyu going to fight the mighty Kaurava warriors like Karna, Bhishmacharya and Dronacharya. 

She decided to stay with Draupadi during the war. She used to hear the news of battle from the messengers. She was overjoyed to hear the news of Abhimanyu’s heroics on the battlefield. Along with Khatotkacha, he tormented the Kaurava army. On the evening of the thirteenth day the news that she dreaded ever since the preparations for war started, finally came. Abhimanyu has fallen! She fell down. Her whole body felt numb. She wanted to scream but not a sound came from her mouth. Tears slid down her face. She began to cry uncontrollably. Her whole world had come crashing down. She did not want to know who killed him or how he was killed. He was gone, that was all that mattered to her. 

Subhadra was told how bravely he volunteered to breach the Chakravyuha, knowing very well that he would not be able to come out by himself. He couldn’t get out as the rest of the Pandava army couldn’t follow him as Jayadratha defended the Vyuha. Undaunted, he single-handedly fought Drona, Karna and many other Kaurava warriors. He fought till his last breath. “He died a glorious death" she thought, just the way he had wanted. 

But she could not help thinking occasionally, “Why Arjuna or Krishna couldn’t save him? How could they send a sixteen year old boy to face to fight the mighty Kaurava army?” She cried several nights. She thought of Uttara and her unborn child. In the subsequent days, many more news of death came. Khatotkacha was killed, Dronachaarya was killed, Arjuna killed Jayadratha and Karna. But she didn’t care, their deaths wouldn’t bring Abhimanyu back to life. The battle ended on the eighteenth day after Duryodhana’s death. When all thought that the war was over, Aswadhaama crept into the Pandava camp that night and went on a killing spree. Sun rise revealed the horror of his deeds. Draupadi had lost her brother and all her five sons and was beside herself with grief. Subhadra wondered how Draupadi will bear this tragedy at a time when she would have thought of having a life as queen of Hastinapura. She wondered how Gandhari was able to bear the grief of the death of her hundred sons. She realized that the war has brought only sorrow for the winners as well as the losers. 

Uttara was inconsolable and wanted to end her life. Krishna reminded her that she was carrying the Kuru clan's only heir. Yudhishtira was crowned the king of Hastinapur. But it was evident to everyone that he bore the huge burden of the price he paid for it. Uttara gave birth to a son and Krishna named him Pareekshit. His birth was celebrated by everyone. He was declared the crown prince of Hastinapur. 

Thirty six years after the war Krishna came to meet her in Hastinapur. He seemed worried about something. Then he spoke “Subhadra, I know that you always felt that I was unjust to you. You might have felt that I encouraged Arjuna to marry you in spite of knowing very well that you will always be second to Draupadi”. Krishna continued “but the reason why I had wanted you to marry Arjuna was that Arjuna was my biggest friend and by marrying him you could still be close to me. I knew Draupadi would let you stay in the palace out of her respect for me. Had you married Duryodhana, he would have tried to keep you away from me. I always wanted you to be near me. Now the Yadava blood runs in the Kuru clan’s heir. All because of you. And then about Abhimanyu.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Had I known that it was going to happen I would have tried to save him. Kauravas tricked me and Arjuna into going away from him. I still feel guilty about it. Forgive me sister.” Subhadra burst into tears as memories came back to her. She hugged him and cried. 

A few days later messengers from Dwaraka brought shocking news. Krishna was dead and so was Balaram. Subhadra was shattered. “Is that why he talked to her the other day? If only she had known that it was the last time she was seeing him. And Balaram, the last time she saw him was during the Raivata festival two months ago. Yudhishtira decided to pass on his crown to Pareekshit and renounce his luxurious life along with his brothers. Draupadi insisted on going with them. Subhadra bid Draupadi and Arjuna a tearful goodbye. Arjuna instructed her to look after Pareekshit and guide him. 

The next few years passed in a blur. When Subhadra felt that Pareekshit was ready to make his own decisions she decided to retire to the forest. When she was about to leave Uttara insisted on accompanying her. They both walked on and Subhadra was finally at peace. She was free of all obligations and responsibilities. 

She knew her name will be remembered for ages as the mother of Abhimanyu, the warrior who knew no fear, the wife of one the greatest archers of all times and as the sister of Krishna.