Waiting For You
Waiting For You
I wait for you every day. Knowing that you might not come. Still, a part of my heart wishes that you might come.
Sometimes, I feel that you do not want to talk to me anymore. But sometimes, it feels like something has gone wrong at your end. Maybe something bad happened to you or your family or close friends, and so you are not available to talk. Positive or wishful thinking, isn't it? I know. That way it's less painful. That way it doesn't hurt more.
Many times, unknowingly I remember our conversations, some funny and some not so good. But whatever it is, I used to enjoy them a lot. They were very refreshing and funny. I remember those conversations at least once a day.
Sometimes, I just feel like why should I wait for you. If you really wanted to, you could have at least tried to convey some message if something was wrong. I try not to think about any of it. I try not to wait for you. I get so mad at you, thinking how busy or forgetful one can be.
Sometimes, I think that you don't deserve someone like me. But in the end, I start to think that, what if you are really in a bad situation, that you are not able to contact me. Because if that's the case, it would be very bad on my part to jump to conclusions. So, I wait as long as I can, as much as I can handle.
Sometimes, I just do not know what to think of you anymore. Sometimes, I feel that you are not good for me and hence God has distanced you from my life. And sometimes, I wish that was not the case.
I know for a fact that you are not the one to just disappear, not at-least without a valid reason. But where are you? I wonder what happened to you all of a sudden. I just hope, wish and pray that you are good and safe, somewhere, wherever it is.
I don't want to check your online status. I don't want to check whether you have seen my messages or not. I don't want to try and call you. I don’t want to find other ways to reach out to you. Yet, I do all these, not sure why.
We never promised each other that we would talk frequently. We never made any promises that we would be in contact with each other often. We don’t owe each other anything. Yet I wish, we had some kind of communication once in a while.
I know both of us to have very busy schedules. But not sure why, sometimes, I expect that we text at-least once a day. I know that there's nothing wrong from your end, as you did not make any promises. It's just that I get mad at times and I think that you don't deserve someone like me as your friend.
You are always there in my thoughts even if I don't want you to be. I have been keeping myself very busy so that my brain does not have enough free time to think about you. No matter how tired I am, without any effort, you find your own way into my imagination.
Anything that I do is reminding me of you. When I read a book and come across any endearing word that you call me, you are the first thought that’s coming to my mind and heart.
I don't want to miss you, yet I am missing you so much. I have been trying all the ways I can to occupy myself completely, yet before I sleep, I think about you at-least-once if not more. I have been trying my level best to avoid you but that's not happening. The more I try to avoid you, the closer you are to my thoughts.
Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I hear your words, appreciating me the way I am. I have never appreciated myself for the way I look before, but now, it just feels like I am looking at myself through your eyes. It's strange, I know but that’s happening without my knowledge. A strange thought crosses my mind thinking about how you would appreciate it. It may sound crazy but, I talk or respond to myself thinking that you are just here with me and talking to me.
Whatever the dress that I wear, even if it's old or new, good or bad, the way you comment about it is very thoughtful and endearing. I never dressed up special for anyone before, even if I did, nobody ever appreciates me the way you did. You make me feel good about myself. Maybe that's why I miss you and I miss our conversations very much.
Most of the time, it appears that life is so unfair. We cannot just do whatever we want to, rather we have to think about many things that are part of our life.
You know what? sometimes I am very mad at you, I question myself that why did you have to come into my life.
But sometimes, it feels good that you are in my life. Never understood before about someone being emotionally very close to us. Now even if I realize that I am not really in a position to do anything about it.
Each and every free minute my mind gets, you are there in some of the other forms in my thoughts. Why is it happening this way, I have no idea. Sometimes, it's very painful. So painful that a physical injury sounds better than this emotional turmoil.
The worst part is, except for this emotional connection, I have no idea about any additional details about your existence. Every time, I tell myself that it's better to ignore it altogether. But something about you is very genuine. I cannot figure out what it is exactly.
Maybe the way you talk to me, I find it very genuine keeping few things aside. What I feel is, you are deliberately avoiding me considering our situations, which is for the best. But yet, I wish if I could get to hear from you, something or anything at all.
I pray to god to keep you away from me if you are bad news, as I have no idea. But yet at the same time, I ask God to make you talk to me, or text me or whatever it is. I feel very bad thinking that this is all so casual for you, but yet I cannot jump to conclusions without knowing what exactly you are going through.
Wish I had some magical powers to know exactly what is going on in your mind and life. But unfortunately, I do not have any of such Powers. I am just a normal human being doing some positive wishful thinking.
You will get in touch with me soon, Won’t you? And somewhere, I have a hope that you would. I am just not sure when, but someday you would, right?
Every day, every-time when my phone beeps, when it's our usual time that we used to talk, I always wish that message to be from you. But when it's not, I always end up with little disappointment. And then later I end with small hope, that you would talk to me soon and I would get to see you soon, sometime soon and one day hopefully.