My Dear Baby

Honey,

This is for you.

I know you are not with me yet. I really hope that I would get to be with you sometime real soon sweetheart.

It's funny, how I talk to you, as though you are with me. Sometimes it's depressing that it's taking so long for you to reach me.

From the time I realized that I wanted to be a mother someday. My baby, not a single day has passed by without having you in my thoughts. You have been with me all along in my thoughts and prayers.

Whenever someone tells me about their kid, I feel two strong emotions at the same time. The boundless joy that they are so lucky to have them soon and immense pain that I don't have you yet. Sometimes it's too strong that I end up crying and once I feel light, I just stay with some hope.

Yesterday night, it kinda felt very lonely. As usual, I assumed the pillow next to me as you, I was just imagining that you are there beside me. It was a wonderful feeling baby, I just can't put in exact words.

The minute I just lay my head on you, I mean the pillow which I imagine as you. I just felt like I'm laying down on my kid's lap. You know how I used to, on my mom's lap when I was a kid.

I am a little ashamed to tell you that this image of me with you is multiple times stronger than that of me with my mom.

That's the beauty of creation I guess Sweetie.

That's the beauty of this bonding I guess.

Anyway, where was I?

Yeah, I was imagining you as though I was trying to get some relief from the burden of responsibilities, by laying my head in your lap, talking to you. I didn't realize it when I slept. I'm glad I had a wonderful sleep baby.

I can go on and on writing many things about you in my thoughts honey. Words are not enough and they wouldn't do the slightest justice to whatever I feel for you.

I really, really hope that God sends you to me soon. I just feel that this is high time. I know it may sound crazy but I miss you even before your existence.

Just wish and hope that you would come to me soon. And then I would tell you everything, I would make sure you are brought up and loved the way you deserve to be.

Do you know what I call you in my thoughts? I guess you should know. Though there are many pet names, there is one constant name. "Siddu" in a short version. The full name you would get to know once you are with me for real.

I am going to preserve this for you and show you when you get the maturity to understand all these. Please come to me soon sweetie, it's enough of hiding and seek and I'm not getting any younger.

As usual, love you always, and don't think of me as a crazy mom. I am not a sucker for having a baby of my own blood and flesh. Though I do want to experience that wonderful journey, I am good with other options.

I just don't know where to start and the other reason being this society comes with ridiculous thoughts when someone wants to adopt a kid. It's such a wonderful thought and should be ranked high and should be looked like the greatest thing.

But, whatever society we have around us, including our closest family, they always come with weird things when they hear these things. It's easy to search for friends or lovers or whatever but I just am not sure where to go on searching for you sweetie.

But don't worry, I will do my best to find you. And I also just hope that you would find your own way to me somehow or the other.

I don't know how to end this chain of thoughts but it's time for me to start my day.

Love you sweetie and please come to me soon.