Important Things in a Relationship
Important Things in a Relationship
Many people have their own understanding and their own perspective when it comes to relationships. People behave the way they are because they think that is for the best.
Based on their past experiences, the majority of us think whatever we are doing is for the best and some of us think that it is perfect or close to perfect.
These days, whenever we hear a word “Relationship”, Immediate thing that comes to our mind is “Girl friend, boy friend”. “Wife and Husband”. Whatever the relationship is, “Married or not married”, “Lovers or Wife and husband”, most of the relationships turn into unhealthy or they fail because of misunderstandings, not putting enough effort in giving attention to each other, only one of them taking initiative for each and everything, and over time, it turns out really bad.
Whoever is putting constant effort gets irritated, to be at the giving end all the time and not receiving deserved attention. This turns out to be the major factor of disappointment. And continuous disappointment can lead to irritation and finally over long period of time, people just give up and they stop trying. Once they reach this point, some of us just continue to live the life robotically, some people end it and some people try to find the missing part in their relationship in other ways that are not healthy. And that in turn causes lot of guilt and leads to terrible failure of life.
You must be wondering where am I going with this and what am I trying to say?
I’m coming there.
But before that, I just want to add a little perspective about Love Vs Arranged marriages.
Many of us think that people whoever do love marriage has a great understanding, they are very happy and their life is bed of roses. Well, partly all of these might be correct but not completely.
Many of us think that arranged marriage can be challenging and difficult because they do not know each other that well prior to the marriage and they think understanding or love part can be difficult post marriage. Well, partly it might be true but not completely.
Love or arranged, whatever marriage it is, it depends on the effort, time and attention we are trying to put into the relationship. It is not a one time thing. It is a continuous process. Marriage or a relationship is definitely not a business trade but it is definitely a two way thing. It cannot be just one person doing stuff all the time. Because that will only end up bad in the long run.
So, coming to the next important aspect of the relationship is having open or honest conversations. Well, this might sound simple and natural. Many people might even argue that, almost all the couples would have open conversations. Again, to some extent or to a very minimal percent, this might be true. But most of us have issues in this regard. And many a times, so many disagreements or disappointments occur because either of the two would have no idea what’s going on in others mind or heart. This can be very dangerous in the long run. Which is why, it is essential and very important to know each other’s likes, dislikes, common interests, how they would want to spend their free time, respecting their hobbies or personal space, showing some interest and encouraging each other towards their passion or goals personally and professionally, is highly important. Many of the relationships turn out to be unhealthy or uninteresting because of lack of the above mentioned facts in the long run.
Many of us do not pay attention to know about common interests. This aspect is very important for a relationship to be successful and content in the long run.
In the beginning, even if we do not know or do not have any common interests, it will not matter much because we will be in the phase of exploring each other lives. But once we fall into a routine, we get busy with office and house hold activities, there might be a time where we don’t get much of personal time, Or there might be a stage where we might feel like we are loosing something in life or something is terribly missing in life.
That is why, knowing common interests if any or discovering and discussing about them might help in spending more time together.
Also, helping each other in house hold chores is a very key factor which many or majority of the men take it for granted these days and they don’t pay much attention to. It can be vice versa in few cases. Just stating the most common occurrence, not being gender biased here.
Most of the women these days are working hard and also managing the house hold activities. Most of the time, they are almost always occupied with something or the other. It’s either office work during office hours or house hold chores or similar activities outside working hours. They hardly get any time for themselves. Every human being, married or unmarried, men or women, needs their own space and their own “me time”. In majority of the cases, mostly married women do not get this time or space which may lead to irritation or frustration or disappointment in the long run. So, what I’m trying to say is, if the men share some of the chores, this can help women to relax and free up some of their time and they can have their own “me time” to focus on their interests. Also it can improve the relationship as sometimes both of them can work together which would ease up the things and get the things done faster, and it also helps in spending time together which helps more bonding. The above stated thing could be vice versa in few cases. Key point here, is to help each other in any way they can to ease other’s lives personally.
Next important thing is appreciating each other even if it is a small thing and giving each other the attention, respect and love that they deserve.
Appreciating each other for any major or minor thing is truly essential, which many of us ignore most of the time. Let’s say for example, your wife cooks something good, appreciate it, give her a genuine compliment. This really makes the other person feel good with the time, effort and love that they put in, in doing so.
It goes the other way around too. If your husband gets you something, small or big or whatever surprise it is, tangible or intangible, appreciate them genuinely. Let him know how good you feel about his wonderful gesture. Few things in a relationship need to be said out loud to each other to make each other feel good. Genuine compliments and love reflects in words and actions, So, one need to make sure that we are doing enough to make each other feel good in whatever way we can positively.
Plan out some small trips or vacations or plan to go out for dinner or lunch often, get to know what the other person likes and try making enough effort and time to make each other happy.
Love is not a one time thing or few times thing. It is rather slow and continuous process. One need to constantly learn to put in enough effort to truly savor the outcome of it.
Many people think or say that having open and honest conversations helps the relationship. It certainly helps to an extent but not completely.
In reality, along with conversations or discussions, there has to be considerable effort to close the gaps if any and to improve the relationships by putting enough effort.
Many of us feel that few years down the line, people say that, there is no spark left, Magic has gone or whatever. But in reality, it’s not that. No relationship is perfect. Each one has their own fare shares of up and downs. So, if something can be fixed, it’s better to work it out. And if it’s beyond that and if by any chance it had turned out really bad or unhealthy and beyond repair, it’s always better to end things on a good note and leave it to get some peace of mind and heart, And begin the new journey.
I have tried to put everything by considering the most generic or common occurrences in day to day life.
To be short, “None of us are perfect and so is the relationship. No relationship is perfect. It is we, who has to make it perfect by giving our best. Sometimes through words and sometimes through actions, whatever it is, It is up to us who have to make it work. Make it or break it is up to us, based on the situation and wise thinking, it’s always best to think thoroughly, discuss and act upon.”
Hope this helps and if any of the written content above came across offensive, I apologize, I’ve tried to put my thoughts and understanding to the best intentions possible.