Goblinhood

Whose ever has not heard of the Robin Hood who stole from the rich and gave it to the poor. But have you heard of the Goblin Hood who stole from the poor and gave it to the rich and made them richer? In these pages, I am narrating the story.

Goblin Hood finished his morning yoga, the time was six in the morning. His valet signalled to him that the tea was ready at the garden on the table. He ambled across to the garden and took a sip and sighed in satisfaction. He took a handful of grains in his hands and fed the peacock which comes daily at the appointed time. The image of him feeding the peacock was a big hit on social media and boosted his image to dizzying heights.

He had just won the elections for his party. In spite of rising unemployment, hunger, economic growth he has yet again managed to deliver. He knew the pulse of the people. The citizens of the ancient land were still steeped in religion. They were content with what little they had and put the responsibility on the numerous Gods for the affairs of the world. The eastern philosophy rested on considering the material world as Maya. What was important in life was to become one with the Gods of your choice. The eastern religion had innumerable choices in so far as Gods were concerned. You can pick the playful Kris or the dutiful one man-one woman Maran. If you are of a fighting nature you can pick the six-headed Skanda or his ascetic father who meditates amidst the highest mountain chain. There were innumerable Goddesses if you are gender-sensitive which both men and women worshipped. Not only the Gods the natural elements were worshipped too. Rivers were considered sacred and worshipped as Goddesses. Notwithstanding the fact that a scientific mind would tell that the waters were not even worth bathing, people would perform prayers and rituals and a dip in these polluted waters was considered as beneficial both for the body and the spirit.

Goblin Hood understood all this well. His campaign strategy revolved around temples and holy places. A team of good cameramen and women ensured that they took pictures from the right angle. Goblin looked in these pictures as an embodiment of Gods themselves what with his sacred ashes, the saffron scarf is stylishly worn around his neck over his designer kurta made in Khadi. His narcist index was on the rise over the last few years. Another feature among the populace was the devotion to the birth mother. Even in Bollywood films mother was obsessed over. Now and then he would arrange to release pictures of him seen eating with his mother or seeking blessing from his mother. In social media, it gelled well. He was seen as a devoted son. He was seen as someone who would take care of the country (seen as a mother herself).

He also used the clever tactic of apportioning blame on his predecessor government for all the ills of the country. With a vast population not having adequate literacy it was easy to fool people with this and that data. Some intellectuals would pick holes in the government’s propaganda but it never made any serious dent in his image or the performance of the government. He had intuitively known that the country was basically not governable. With vast diversity and inequity spread across swathes of regions, cultures, resources no single economic policy could bring about progress. He had accepted that and instead worked to make some spectacular progress in some people’s wealth. He had succeeded in good measure on that count. Now the nation can boast of a few richest men rubbing shoulders with the world’s wealthiest. The policy tuning required was easy to implement. Apart from that, the start-up ecosystem was also easy to manipulate. The country was now known as a start-up nation and there were many unicorns among them who became such within a decade.

 The promoters of such unicorns were seen as symbols of aspiration. The citizens had this tendency to hero/ine worship too. Be it the actors, the sportsmen and women or politicians. These unicorn promoters were fast becoming business legends. In a country of billions, there was no dearth of smart people who succeeded or seem to succeed. Their success was ensured by bankers. Stock brokerages and when they came with a public offer the citizens with money in their pocket went crazy. It was beside the point that a few months later that some of these unicorns would be priced below their offer prices. Experts said it was a market correction of some such thing that no one understood.

One reputed critique of an international non-government organization had recently released a report which painted the picture of the country in a dismal way pointing out the rising income inequity, how a few people owned assets in a dis-proportionate way, how the masses were actually becoming poor and so on. Goblin Hood laughed out heartily upon reading the summary of the report presented by his team of intellectuals. He knew his policies were being paid off. His party’s coffers were overflowing with lush money. The neo rich owed him in return and they ensured the party’s cash registers were all the time tingling. In a short time, the party had become the richest and garnered the lion’s share of political funding. Even in the event of losing elections, they could abide the time and at an opportunistic moment buy up the disgruntled legislative representative and overturn the ruling government. It was always a win-win situation for his party. 

Somewhere he remembered reading that power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. He mused on this thought and added absolute power is the best anti-ageing solution. He was in his seventies but felt good to go for another decade. He was not the first one to rule over the nation at such ripe old age. There were predecessors who did that. He was far more-fitter what with his yoga, strictly vegetarian diet and brahmacharya. When the valet came and informed him that one of the top richest men was waiting to see him, he came out of his reverie. The man was on the way to breaking into the top 5 in the world itself and he needed some policy tweaking. Goblin Hood got ready to give his bear hug to the honcho and give him a good listening. A policy decision needs to be announced after that. When the man breaks into the world’s top 5 the inspired nation would celebrate and in the next 1000 years rest of the nation can follow suit. What a dream that would be!