Akbar-Birbal, Lesson To Follow

1580 AD, Bharata.

Once Akbar and Birbal were idling away. Akbar wanted to test Birbal’s cleverness once again. He knew Birbal thought himself as the Chanakya’s avatar. Akbar asked Birbal if he could prove how much the citizens loved him. Birbal said he will come up with a suggestion the next day. Next day Birbal said we should make an announcement that Akbar has fallen ill and people should light a candle and pray for Akbar to get well soon.

Accordingly, the message was passed on to the public at large and people lit a candle on the specified day in the night at a specified time. Akbar got pleased as a punch. Then Akbar announced he got well and people should assemble and clap for his cheer on a specified day and time. Akbar got mighty pleased when the spies reported that all round the empire people were seen clapping.

Akbar told Birbal in his arrogance I am like God now. People will do anything I want. Challenge me to that he asked Birbal. Then Birbal said he will think about it and get back after a few days. The next time Birbal and Akbar met, Birbal told him that the following is a lot more challenging for people to do than to light a candle and clap.

Birbal gave Akbar the following list and said if people practice these things for 21 days it becomes a habit. So, you can stop all these two nasty habits of people by making the announcement every 21 days. If people follow these practices, I would concede that you are like God.

1.      No more spitting on road, office walls (applicable in government offices, hospitals) in public spaces like bus stands, railway stations, parks, ground, etc. To help control this spitting eat paan at home alone. All paan shops except in the vicinity of people’s dwellings should be closed voluntarily.

2.      Voluntary bandh on bribe-taking and bribe giving. This is a special request to chieftains, people working in government and municipal officers, Tehsil or block office, etc. Should you take a bribe under force majeure conditions please contribute liberally to the fund Akbar CARES. This is akin to donating to temples and mosques for the atonement of your sins.

This is the initial list, dear Emperor. We shall review by using zoning methods of hot spots, cold spots, and sweet spots across the country.

Birbal also gave Akbar a drafted a letter for ease of speech making.

Saathiyon, In the last 30 days you have professed your love for me. You have proved that you heard my request and become like herds. I am in my humble way congratulate all of you.

Jaishankarji (not Shankar Bhawan but our ambassador) tells me that other countries are better off in terms of hygiene, bribery index, sanitation. We need to do better. I am announcing the creation of a special fund called Akbar CARES. Please contribute to this fund so that we can make Bharat Swachh Bharat. I am also announcing the creation of a bank to receive all your kind donations.

Such a bank may be called as Main Hoon Na ( I am There) Bank of Bharat. We will constitute a suitable governance board to ensure management is world-class.

Last but not the least, based on a citizen request I am giving you the first task to be practiced for the next 21 days. Remember this is your way of showing your patriotism and devotion to Bharat. For those who ask what are you doing for us, ask not what the nation does for you, ask what you can do for the nation. Please listen to the task for the next 21 days is …

Jai Hind, Jai Bharat.

2020 AD, Covid Times, India

It has become quite clear that Akbar didn’t become a God as the people didn’t heed his 21day call. It was understood that the PMO office considered the same tactic in the context of Coronavirus for PM to apply and the citizens greatly responded by clapping and candle lighting. Some of his loyal followers who consider him as an avatar feverishly prayed that the citizens would heed his call.

In a series of televised address to follow, it was expected that PM would make requests for the following:

Janata (Voluntary) bandh on the following

1.      No more spitting on road, office walls (applicable in government offices, hospitals) in public spaces like bus stands, railway stations, parks, ground, etc. To help control this spitting eat paan at home alone. All paan shops except in the vicinity of people’s dwellings should be closed voluntarily.

2.      Pissing bandh (applicable to men folks who constitute more than 50% of our 1.3 billion population) on the roadside, on walls, etc. Piss only at home or in pay and use toilet. Please recall that Bharat is already ODF. We have to declare as OPF (open piss free) as well on 2^nd October 2020.

3.      Voluntary bandh on bribe-taking and bribe giving. This is a special request to Ministers, Members of Parliament, Members of Legislative Assemblies, people working in government and municipal officers, RTOs, Traffic police, Tehsil or block office, etc. Should you take a bribe under force majeure conditions please contribute liberally to PM CARES. This is akin to donating to temples/churches and mosques for the atonement of your sins. A special appeal to BMTC conductors to return one rupee and two rupees to bus commuters.

4.      No more riding on footpaths (special request to bike rider specimen); voluntary clearance of all encroachments from pavements by shop keepers; avoid throwing garbage on the streets, please segregate garbage at your premises and hand it over to sanitation workers.

5.      Please keep physical distance on the road be it if you are walking, or riding a vehicle. This will help us reduce accidents on roads.

We want to get our nation up ranked in this category at least above Pakistan and  Bangladesh. We will wait and see if the people heed his call and India in all sense of the term become a Swachch Bharat

Jai Shri Ram and Jai Hind.