She, Her & Herself

The doorbell rang with utmost ferocity. At once, Ahalya knew that it was her daughter’s tiny fingers pressing the low-level bell push. She rushed to open the door, expecting her daughter’s ever-smiling face. Instead, she saw six-year-old Shreya’s downcast face . She wiped away the droplets of tears that streamed down from her eyes.

“Sonu! Kya hua?” asked Ahalya, pulling her into a tight embrace.

“Mummy! I don’t like to go to school!”

“Why? Did anyone scold you in school?” asked Ahalya with concern.

“No, mummy, my class teacher has given me tough homework.”

“Tough homework? Whatever it is, mummy is there to help you. Why are you crying for that?”

“No, you cannot help me with this. You have told me not to talk about that. This is my homework. What will I do?”

Ahalya’s heart wrenched to see her daughter cry. She patted her lovingly and made her sit on her favourite orange chair.

“Sonu, stop crying! Tell me, what is the homework?”

Between short hiccups, Shreya spoke, “I have been asked to write a paragraph on my father.”

Ahalya’s face contorted into agony. Words found no way out of her mouth. She shivered with a deep fear pounding her heart.

“You said not to speak about him, right?” asked Shreya innocently.

Ahalya could not say anything. How can she explain to a six-year-old that her father, Makarand was a goonda and that he had abandoned them long ago? How can she tell that her husband had allured her to resign her job as a bar dancer, married her, impregnated her, stole her money, and finally left her when she had given birth to Shreya? How can she make her understand that she was once again forced to take up bar dancing, the profession that she loathed right from the beginning?

After a few moments, she found her voice, “Don’t worry, Sonu. Mummy is here. I will help you with a paragraph on your father.”

They began to work on a short prose about an imaginary father, who existed only in Shreya’s notebook.

As Ahalya spun words of ethereal imagination, she reminisced about her past. It all began when she was a seven-year-old. She was stranded in the middle of the road in Bandra, with her parents being crushed under the wheels of an over-speeding truck. Some unknown person picked her up. She could not understand what they spoke nor tell them her address correctly. That led her to an orphanage where she was taken care of by a rather sweet woman named Sister Maria.

She grew up to be a voluptuous girl with a fair and beautiful round face, sparkling green eyes, luscious pink lips, curvaceous hips, and jet-black hair. When she was searching for a job as an 18-year-old, her seductive assets landed her in a dance bar in Mira Road in Mumbai. With no other means available, she reluctantly joined the dance bar and soon became a popular dancer. Her popularity increased as wealthy patrons leered at her, showering her with cash. Despite being popular, she never indulged in any sexual favours for them.

She even received the wrath of a fellow bar dancer named Prathyusha who would constantly throw goading remarks at her. Her income increased to rupees three lakhs per year, while her counterparts received only one lakh. This made her a sensation in the entire Mira Road. She stayed in a women’s hostel. Her roommates, who had better professions than her, saw her as a humble person. Though the glamour of the bar world enticed her, deep inside her heart she hated her profession. She hated herself for getting into such a filthy profession. She constantly thought about her parents who would have provided her better education. She even thought about Sister Maria who was forced to shut down the orphanage due to a few legal and financial issues. Since then her life had turned topsy-turvy.

When she turned 20, a gangster, Markand, noticed her. He promised to marry her and free her from her profession. Ahalya was pulled into a toxic trance, which Makarand’s make-believe words effused. As promised, he married her and freed her from the dance bar. Finding her freedom, Ahalya enjoyed wild nights with him, categorizing the vibes between them as passionate love. As soon as she conceived a child, Makarand informed her of his long assignment in London, took away a huge lump of her earnings, and vanished. Only later, she realised that he cheated her and took her signature on divorce papers when she was in an inebriated condition. There was not a night when she did not cry herself to sleep. Burdened with a child in her womb, she went into mild depression. Soon she was diagnosed with viral fever as a result of the stress. The doctor advised her to stay mentally fit in order to save her baby. It was then that she made up her mind to be strong and bounce back into life. She wanted to give birth to the child and make him or her successful in life. Taking loan from a bank, she paid for her medical expenses, thrived on a nutritious diet, and maintained a peaceful mind. On a few occasions, Makarand’s thoughts came back to haunt her. She vehemently brushed them away, for the sake of her own well-being. Finally, after a long struggle, she gave birth to a wonder and named her Shreya.

Six months later…

“Aahaa! Look who's back,” jeered Prathyusha on noticing Ahalya’s return to bar dancing. “What makes you come here, my dear friend?” she continued to mock.

Ignoring her, Ahalya made her way to the dressing room and clad herself in a turquoise lehenga with silver plated ornaments to go with it. Applying kohl and dabbing a pinch of red lipstick, she set out to meet the bar manager.

“So, you are back?” asked Kiran, the bar manager, in a sarcastic tone.

“Yes, I have to earn for my daughter,” she replied plainly.

“You gave birth to a daughter? That’s good!” He exclaimed. “If you want to earn some more money, we have an additional profession for you. Most of the girls in this bar get into it in order to meet their expenses.”

“What is that?” asked Ahalya, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

“Don’t act as if you don’t know. It’s the major source of income for Kamathipura - the red light district!”

“Dammit! I will never do it and you cannot force me to,” thundered Ahalya.

“Then, you have to face the consequences. Since you had resigned and returned, your pay will turn to two lakhs per year instead of three. If you perform exceptionally well as you did before, then I might hike it. Otherwise, you have to rot. I have an idea that you might not perform well with this post-delivery body of yours, which seems a little fat to me.” Kiran chuckled devilishly.

Ahalya clenched her fists, swallowed her tears, and replied, “Wait and watch! I would once again become the popular Ahalya I was and earn well for my daughter!”

With tears brimming in her eyes, Ahalya hopped on to the illuminated dance floor and gyrated to the beats of Maar Dala from Devdas. A cheer erupted from the crowd as a celebration of her comeback.

*****

Ahalya wiped off the tears from her eyes as she bounced back to the present. She caressed Shreya’s hair lovingly. After a few minutes, she looked at the completed homework, which was about a fictional father. At that moment, she made a promise to herself, ‘I will never allow my daughter to become someone like me. She will be respected and worshipped by all. I will prove to the world that a bar dancer’s daughter needn’t follow her mother’s footsteps and that she can create her own identity. I will educate her well. She will make me proud.’

*****

Sunil walked inside the Opaque bar to have his usual round of cocktail. As soon as he entered, his eyes wandered to the dance floor to search for his love. To his disappointment, she was not present. Sadly, he moved to the counter and placed his order. His memories carried him a week back when he noticed her for the first time, gracefully dancing on the dance floor to a classical mujra. She looked like a goddess with her flawless pink skin. While the other men had been noticing her heaving bosom, he had locked his eyes with her green eyes. Something magical about her enchanted him. Instantly, he realised that he was in love with her. It was love at first sight! He did not mind that she was a bar dancer. He brushed away the preconception that she might be a prostitute. What captivated him were her remarkable beauty and a strong aura that surrounded her, making her look like a brave and majestic woman. He came to know that her name was Ahalya. He also learnt about her failed marriage to Makarand and about her daughter Shreya. Nevertheless, he began pursuing her every day.

“Excuse me!” Sunil jolted back to the present when he heard a sweet voice calling out to him. He turned around and opened his mouth wide. Standing before him was his love, his life, and his obsession. She was making a gesture to him to move away from the place, as she needed to have a drink but he remained glued to his seat, gaping at her.

 “Hi!” He greeted her reluctantly. She threw a nasty look at him and replied, “What do you want?”

“I need you. Will you marry me?” He blurted out.

SLAP!

The music stopped playing and everyone gathered around him. A commotion began, with a few scolding Sunil for misbehaviour and with some accusing Ahalya for overreacting.

“What’s happening here?” Kiran appeared out of nowhere.

“Kiran! I think this guy has an idea of bedding me today,” announced Ahalya.

Sunil was flabbergasted. A sheet of tears formed in his eyes as he replied, “I - I didn’t mean it like that, Ahalya. I meant that I love you! I love you with all my heart. I have never even imagined asking favours from you. You are the one who makes my world go around. I would never even…..”

“Shut up! Cheesy lines will not take you anywhere. You are drunk. I can see through your dirty mind. Dare you come closer?” Enraged, Ahalya left the place, wounding Sunil’s heart deeply. He sunk back on his seat, overwhelmed by emotions of hurt. ‘My words have been misinterpreted. I should make amends. I will prove my true love for her.’

He observed her soulfully dancing to the beats of Kajrare with tiny droplets of tears in her eyes. Once her performance was over, he sprang to his feet, asked the DJ to play a romantic song and hopped on to the dance floor. With Ahalya on the stage, he began dancing to the lyrics of the number. He reached closer to her and apologized for his behaviour. He then took her by hand, performed a few steps along with her and finally proposed to her by kneeling down. Ahalya was shocked as well as surprised.

“Are you serious?” she asked him, choking through her tears.

“Yes! I am. I love you and I promise you that I won’t leave you like Makarand. I will surely take care of you and Shreya very well. Believe me; I will stay with you forever.”

Ahalya could not believe that everything was happening for real. “I - I need time,” she replied hesitantly.

“Sure, take your time. I will wait for you.”

Finally, Ahalya smiled. She exchanged her number with him. On her way back home, she thought about his proposal and decided to consider it. With a blush, she dialled his number. Thus began a journey of affection and love between them. She came to know that he was a 28-year-old management executive at Kiosketic Private Ltd.

*****

“There is nothing to cry over this. After you become a 40-year-old, lose your charm, and retire from this job, who will replace you? Obviously, it will be your heir. Since you have given birth to a daughter, she will take your place as a bar dancer in this bar. You have to sign this agreement!” Kiran threw a legal document at Ahalya.

“No! I cannot do this!” She roared.

“If you cannot do this, then you have to lose your job. I very well know that you have no other means to support your daughter. You have to stay in this profession. So, sign this and lead a peaceful life.”

“No! You filthy scumbag, I will never allow my daughter to become like me! She is Shreya and I cannot let her become another Ahalya. Why don’t you impose this on the other bar girls? Why are you troubling me? Answer me!” Ahalya clutched at Kiran’s collar and shook him.

“Hey, you fucking slut! Take your hand off me!” He pushed her away and struck a blow on her head.

She raised her hand to strike back, which he held firmly. “If you touch me once again, you will be food to lecherous men. Understand?”

Looking at him scornfully, Ahalya spat at him.

“Shit! What the heck! I know how to get this agreement signed by you. Wait and watch. Now, go and perform. It’s getting late.” He pushed her on to the dance floor.

Ahalya bopped to the thumping beats furiously. She whirled fiercely, her burning rage to protect her daughter evident in her moves. She felt weak and helpless at the same time. If she refused to sign the agreement, then she would lose her job and end up penniless. She would get no other job. Tears of pain filled up her eyes.

After her performance, she went to the washroom and splashed cold water on her face. Later, she met Kiran in a secluded place in the bar.

“I need some time, Kiran. I will think about it.” She said pleadingly.

“What? But you have already signed the agreement!”

“What do you mean?”

Kiran thrust the agreement at her, which had her signature in bold letters. A chill passed down her spine as she heard Prathyusha’s wicked cackle from a corner of the bar.

“I..I didn’t sign this….”

“You did not? Then who did?” Kiran and Prathyusha went into splits.

“I forged your signature. Now, if you don’t abide by this, you’ll be behind bars.” Prathyusha taunted her.

Enraged, Ahalya stormed out of the bar into the streets, wailing her heart out.

*****

“Marry me, Ahalya,” said Sunil.

“How can that solve my problem?” asked Ahalya with puffy eyes.

“You can resign from your job. You can be freed from the bond. I will earn for our family. I assure you that you will find freedom after marrying me. I am the only one who can release you from your problems.”

“I will think about it. Give me three days time.”

“Sure, Ahalya.”

While returning home, Ahalya dreamed of a happy life with Sunil. She imagined brighter things, which brought a smile to her face. having no other option, she painfully made up her mind to marry him.

*****

“Wow! I can see you blush. I know you have decided to marry me. Am I right, Ahalya?” beamed Sunil. His lemon-yellow skin shone in the morning sun.

Instead of looking at him with love-filled eyes, Ahalya looked at him with a new determination. Her look was unfathomable to him.

“Did you really think that you’d liberate me from my difficulties?”

“Yes, of course,” replied Sunil authoritatively.

“Well, you can never do that. I accept, I fell in love with you. I had a soft corner for you. I contemplated marriage with you, which made me feel happy, but I am Ahalya, not a weak minded woman to depend on someone else to come out of my problems...”

“Shreya is my life. I live only for her. To protect her and make her a successful woman is my only aim. I know how to achieve that without the help of a third person. I am capable, Sunil. I don’t need a man to liberate me nor do I need a profession that is dangerous for my daughter. I have traced a distant relative of mine who has acquired a receptionist job for me in Bhutan. I am leaving this weekend. I'll never return to this place. I am sorry, I've made up my mind. Take care, Sunil.”

Ahalya turned and walked away, stamping the mud beneath her feet with renewed confidence, leaving behind a bewildered Sunil. She flashed an achieved look at him and walked with an aura of feminine energy around her.