Unsent Love Letter #4

Dearest Deary,

You started to keep distance three months ago and purely to prepare me to continue my journey without you. As your decision to stop entertaining my feelings is rooted from the genuine care that I should take good care of myself. Also, your priorities and aspirations can't accommodate my goofiness of old-school stupid ideas of love. As you are very much a goal-oriented and timely task-focused person with the spirit of a sportsperson.

Indeed, I love you for the passion you have for the sport you play and the miles you run. You don't want to fit the mould of the society but to be a fearless kid keeping your life around the game you play even though it's silly child's play in everyone's eyes. I knew you as a memorised poem… Because, I don't fit myself in the secured social template, but I consciously choose not to sacrifice the freedom of my free time. I want to be identified for my time-pass passions rather than for the full-time profession I do. Though I can come up with many rational analysis of maybe this is why I liked you or that's why I love you. The truth is I don't know why I love you in spite of numerous differences we have! 

It feels joyful and peaceful when I am around you. The whole world doesn't seem to exist when you are in front of me. I feel deeply connected to you. One of my friends shook me and asked, what plan do you have for the future with him? I just smiled and said I don't even know. Do I want to trap your free-willed spirit with limitations? Never in my wildest dreams I dreamed of. I love seeing you daily, talking to you, arguing with you, cooking for you, playing card games with you, going out with you, riding with you, shopping with you and walking with you. Now, I miss everything that I have done with you. I miss buying flowers for you, miss choosing gifts for you, and making efforts to show I love you. That teen girl who smiled ear to ear just at the sight of you is grumpy and down now. 

Neither I fall for you with a plan or a reason nor I have an agenda for the future with or without you for myself. All I see and feel is what I have now. I miss being around you that's all. I just want to meet you for a coffee and have the same organic and authentic friendly conversations. Beyond that, I sometimes dream as serendipity you and I cross paths in our favourite place and walk hand-in-hand together on the busy streets and making plans to date each other for real.

Sometimes, as a hobby, I look at few passing guys and think he has to be thinner or taller or faster or duskier or fairer or cuter or angrier or subtler or grumpier to match you. I wonder to myself how is it even possible to look at someone while my thoughts and feelings are filled with you already? I don't even understand why my mind, heart, body and soul work hand-in-hand. All are down after you left and it's been two months, one or other ailment makes my going heavier. I need to accept the fact and regulate them to be neutral. As of now, the only thing makes me smile and pushes me to do my daily chores is the dream of meeting you… 

Love you in loads,

Your everlasting friend