You Are Still Awake

And just then when Mili was about to make an effort to try to find the source of that bright light, she woke up and realized that it was a dream. Just a dream. She checked her mobile immediately. Her favorite health app prompts an alert "You are still awake". It was 2:30 am CET. Though she loves this apartment, the fact of staying alone (most of the time) always drives her crazy. 

 

She had seen such a bright light last time before when she was laid down on a stretcher and she had been accompanied by nurses who took her to OT. It was for a small surgery for the removal of fibroadenoma. She still can remember the day when Doctor first encountered this non-cancerous breast tumor that most often occurs in young women. It was during the year 2010. At that time she was a college student. When the Doctor came from the cabin after doing some primary check-ups of Mili, he was looking quite serious. His seriousness made her parents frightened. He started “it’s no doubt a breast tumor and it can be a noncancerous breast tumor or it can be a cancerous one. But as it has already grown in size, it needs to be operated immediately”. Her parent’s faces turned pale. Within one week, she got admitted to a nearby nursing home. As her parents were going through a financial crisis, they decided to finalize the date of the operation as the same day of her admission. Her parents were afraid to inform any relatives thinking about the consequences. 

Not every accident leaves a visible scar but in Mili’s case not only it will leave a scar but also it can result in future turmoil. Lying on a stretcher, as she was being dragged to OT and as she was following that bright light, she was thinking about that evening. It was a rainy evening and she forgot to wear her glasses when she was moving the cycle pedals fast on her way back home. She was worried as it was the last day of the registration for her semester exam and her father refused to go to a cafe with her and though her parents bought a computer for her it does not have an internet connection and as it was late in the evening, hence the cafe was about to close. So she must have to hurry!!

As per a survey done in 2019, it has been said that bicyclist deaths occur most often in urban areas (78%) compared to rural areas (22%). Some of the most common causes of bicycle accidents include - Turning without looking and Speeding. Unfortunately, she did both but then also she survived. At the turning, she had a collision with a small van of vegetables which squashed the front part of her cycle and she fell on the rocky edge of the road. After a week, when she was reading something, lying on her back, she realized a rubbery lump in her right breast. Although it was painless, she felt a little bit scared and immediately told her mother “Maa, I can feel a firm lump here (pointing to the place) and it has a well-defined shape”. 

Mother: “Milu, does it hurt?’

Mili: “No Maa and it moves also when I touch it every time”

Mother: “Milu, Don’t worry, it must be healthy breast tissue which can often feel lumpy..”

Mili: “No Maa, I am really scared. I want to go to the Doctor”

When her mother told it to her father, they had a small argument.

Father: “Are you sure? She is in the first phase of her 20s. It can be a normal thing maybe.. “

Mother: “I told her the same but she did not listen to…and please don’t discuss this with her thamma (Grandma) .”

Father: “Did you tell Boudi?”<

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Mother: “Have you gone mad or what? Let’s visit some good doctors. They can catch small issues before they become big ones”...

And she opened her eyes….The health app again prompts the alert "You are still awake". It was 3:00 am CET. Did she just wake up during the dream phase of sleep? Though it was not a dream phase but a horrible past...was it horrible? Or was it inspiring? She asked herself after grabbing a glass of water from her bedside table. At least, being a semi-rural girl at that moment, she gathered all her courage to discuss her health issue with her parents even though she felt nervous, embarrassed, or scared. Maybe one day her past stories can really make an impact for encouraging the girls in rural India. 

It was luckily a fibroadenoma and not the malignant one. After that many years have passed. Now she is a woman of the 21st century. The journey of becoming a self-dependent woman from a semi-rural girl was not so easy. But she stood strong during her convictions. Now she knows how to dress correctly for the occasion. Now she does not feel shy about introducing herself at a gathering. She also knows when to speak her mind and how to speak her mind. She lives in integrity. 

Now Mili is also a mother of a cute girl ‘Ruchi’ and she owns a beautiful apartment. No, the apartment is not the property of her husband but together they invested equally to build their sweet palace of happiness. Still, Mili can remember the time after her graduation when her father was fully convinced that she will not get any job and will not be able to make such a progressive career like men in their society. Over the years, when she managed to get a good job in an MNC, one of her fellow colleagues also mocked her regarding her driving skills as she bought a car at that time and she was planning to come to the office by driving around 28kms all by herself. But she proved all of them wrong. 

She checked her phone. It’s 11:30 am CET. She received Ruchi’s text - “Mama, I had just returned from an absolutely exciting study tour. We had great fun. Don’t worry!! It was a 2-hour virtual tour organized by our school. I will tell you all the stories when you will be completely cured. Though we are staying in the same apartment, it makes me feel crazy that I cannot come to your room to share my stories with you. I want to hug you tightly. But being an obedient daughter, I will follow your instructions. I am praying regularly with optimism and hope for the future. Get well soon Mama...Missing you. ”

Tears started falling from her eyes. Mili felt relieved. As she is awake now, she put the face mask on her face. Today she is feeling better. She does not have difficulty breathing anymore. Meanwhile, Dugga (her house-made) knocks on the door. When she opened the door, Dugga kept the breakfast on the floor. She has gloves on her hand and a mask on her face. After putting the plate on the floor, she immediately moved away saying “Didi, have your breakfast soon, and Don’t forget to take the multivitamins”.

Mili took the plate and sat on her bed. Beginning with the first bite, she realized that she had regained her smell and taste. She can smell her favorite coffee. She immediately posted a story on insta with the picture of pancakes, boiled eggs, and coffee with a quote “Happiness is the smell of coffee, yummy pancakes, and your charming smile!!

And the health app again prompts the alert "You are still awake"........