What Was My Fault ??
What Was My Fault ??
She was in class 8th. She was very cheerful, jolly, fun loving happy go lucky types. She used to see a hope where there is no chance. She was passionate towards studies. She loved singing, dancing, painting and top of all talking. She was used to listen "chatterbox" for her. Everything was sorted in her life. Because she believed she had friends who can do anything for her. And still, today also, her friends are her life. She felt safe, happy with them and can share any sort of secret. Just like most of the teenagers.
She always want to love others and wanted to be loved also. She only had maternal aunt from her mother's side and relatives from father's side were just for the sake of name. So she was really close to her aunt. She used to visit them in holidays since she was a kid. She used to complete her homework there only.
Two days back from her holidays, her sister had delivered a son. So she was really excited, happy. She thought it to be unexpected. When she went there for summer holidays, the holidays were indeed unexpected. She felt a new feeling which no girl want to feel. Her uncle touched her boobs and pressed them harshly. She felt pain, shame and embarrassment but she remained silent. Don't know why? Then he used to do it whenever he got chance, he touched her boobs or kick it with his elbow or even sometimes, touched her vagina. But she remained silent. She started fearing of him and that bloody touch, that house where she no more wanna live. Although she was in standard 8th, her mind and heart was childish, she didn't knew it was sexual harassing she was going through. One day, she was taking a day nap, her uncle came and pressed her boobs harshly and tried to insert his finger inside her vagina within the clothes. She felt pain, insecurity. She screamed in a low voice but was enough for somebody to listen her who is nearby.
Luckily, her 'newly mom' sister came and she saw her father doing that shit. She just took that girl aside and ask her little sister not to tell about this anybody not even her mother. She was already silent and now following her sister's advice, she didn't discuss it with anybody. Now, her aunt ans sisters tried to avoid their meeting. Means they won't allow her to serve anything to him and she and her uncle didn't speak. But she was feeling pity, shame, embarrassment for herself. You know, childish mind and heart can't see and feel wrong. So she just let the days pass. When she returned home, she felt happy and safe but didn't talk about that with anybody. After this, she tried herself not to go there. But, something got lost from her.
So, now one year had passed and she was in 9th class. Her maternal aunt and her family came to their city for attending a marriage. And guess what, they came to their home at night after attending marriage. Because it was late October and it was chilly cold outside specially for a one year old kid. Sleeping arrangements were made. While she was sleeping, that fear haunts her even in the sleep. She just prayed to God not let her uncle sleep on her bed. But God didn't listen to her. He was laying beside her on her bed. She could feel it in sleep. Now, her sleep had went somewhere else. But she couldn't sleep whole night. And he tried to touch her then also, she was in such a bad condition that she couldn't even tell her parents because that matter could not last for a minute and would be stretched in front her sister's family which she didn't wanted. So, she remained silent, as usual. After that, when she visited her aunt, her naughty brother was with her and she felt safe with him because she believed her brother won't let anything happen of such sort. And her uncle did nothing. Woww ! She was happy in her aunt's home after 3 years.
But her happiness couldn't last long. She cleared her 12th standard and started preparing for neet. While she was at her aunt's home for a day or two, they got to know that there is a girl in their neighbourhood who is also preparing for neet. So it was decided that she would be there for one month and prepare with her. She was happy because she would be able to study strictly. She was in drawing room whole day and late nights studying. But her uncle started that shit again. Whenever he saw her alone in drawing room, he came there, sat beside her, and in a way touch her. She again started avoiding her contact with him but this time it didn't worked. She want to spell it out but couldn't. Not even to her new friend because she was afraid what if that matter leaks or if she told it to her family and many more questions........ She started feeling it and this time she won't remain silent. Earlier she thought to remain silent but she didn't. She was in such a depression that she got suicidal thoughts. She couldn't live with that stress anymore. Moreover she didn't had her own phone, so she needed to ask them for a phone, to call her mom and dad and that one month she couldn't even talk to her friends. So she cried late nights just remembering her parents, friends, her early life. Life became a hell for her and she didn't want to live this life. One day, when she couldn't bear it anymore, she told her aunt about this and they took her side. They ask her why she didn't tell them earlier as if they didn't know anything - from the last 3 years. She told her children not to be like their father and that matter finished in a minute. Again her uncle stopped talking to her and she was able to study.
Now, she didn't talk with them that much and didn't go there from a long time.
She is happy in her home. But she couldn't be the same. She felt to remain silent but silence is not the solution. She is paying for somebody else's mistake. She lost interest in her life, she lost her confidence, she lost trust for her maternal 'family'. Elders won't realise naa- their actions have such a power that it can kill a child 's inner self. A permanent wound on their soul without any mistake. To know what their childish mind is not able to accept and to face such harsh things in life which nobody wants to face.
At last I would like to ask
WHAT WAS MY FAULT ??