Unbearable Childhood Memories

When I was a child, I used to be very lean and thin. Me, coming from a middle-class family always had a very simple outlook towards life. When, I got admission in the most popular school of our city, where I heard, only people from rich and well-known families could get admission, my happiness knew no boundaries. Coming to school, I thought of making new friends and leading a happy life. The initial few years of my school life was okay. I used to get appreciated by teachers for my good grades and everyone used to be my good friend. But, as we started growing up and everyone was approaching towards teenage, my life changed suddenly. 

I was still good in studies and extracurricular activities as before. But suddenly few friends of my class who were jealous of me started mocking me for my lean and thin figure, my walking style, and be being extremely simple and not being fashionable like them. I used to feel sad. I couldn't understand why they mocked and teased me even though I didn't do anything. And then, there was our class teacher, who was so toxic. Even though every teacher appreciated and liked me for being sincere and getting good grades, my class teacher always hated me for reasons I never knew. Even, she used to mock me for being lean and thin in front of the whole class. Everyone laughed at me. I used to feel sad. But I could say nothing. I didn't share my sadness over these things with anyone, except few of my close friends. Then, suddenly I fell ill.And I missed school almost for a month. After one month, when I went to school, I was surprised to see that even people who I thought were my friends, changed. They formed a group with people who used to laugh at me. And then, even my friends started mocking at me with those people despite of being aware of the fact that how much hurt I used to feel for mocking me about my lean body. 

From then, I used to stay alone most of the time in school. I used to engage myself in my studies and extracurricular activities. I used to perform well in my academics as usual as before and started improving more. Teachers started appreciating more. Even, my friends who hurt me came back to me to become friends again. But now, I was so hurt, I couldn't trust them. 

This incident affected me so much, that I used to be afraid of making friends and trusting people for the next five years. I used to feel everyone will do the same with me. This also lowered my self-esteem and self-worth. I used to feel that maybe I am ugly, I am not good enough for being thin. I started hating myself and my body. I started looking for validation from people instead of trying to get validated by me myself. This incident affected me so much, that I used to get nightmares about people mocking and laughing at me. I used to feel my whole life would remain like that. I used to feel no one will ever love me, because I am ugly. This affected by self confidence so much that I became like a doormat, where everyone could walk over just for fun. I used to seek validation from people by trying to get approved by them. 

It was only later in life after almost seven years, that I recovered from these trauma with the help of some real good friends and the path of spirituality. I then understood that, no matter what people say or think about you, never place your worth in people's hands. Your worth should always be defined by you and you should always believe you are the "best", no matter what people think about you. And now, after getting solution of these trauma which disturbed me for years, I have become stronger and wiser than before. I no more care about people's opinions on me, except for some opinions which helped me improve myself. But, even now, although those memories don't affect me, I still remember the pain it caused me as a child.

In the end, I will just say one thing, never mock anyone for their looks or body, because they don't have any control over it. And no one is ugly, everyone is created by God. And if you get fun from hurting other people, you have become inhumane. So, always remember to be kind to people, because you never know how your little actions of getting fun and enjoyment can ruin a person's self-confidence which will take them years to repair.