The Worm in My Brain
The Worm in My Brain
“I am tired of the ‘worm’ in my brain. People forget it’s there. People forget what a dreadful thing it is to feel it crawling around, digging in my brain. I have lost myself in my battle with this creature, this insect. It taunts me when I am alone, goads me, makes me feel a useless and worthless piece of existence. It is the basic nature of our being to try to understand something that is beyond us and beyond what is normal or acceptable. So, I try to figure ‘it’ out, try to find out its weakness, try to defeat ‘it’ but, it always wins and makes me suffer.
I don’t get what it wants. I eat food but can’t taste it. I see people I love but can’t reach out to them. I feel dead even when I’m sitting with people who taught me how to live. I am weeping inside but smiling outside. I feel nothing, just emptiness, darkness and an eerie silence deep in my soul. The worm makes me drive away everyone I ever cared about. I want to speak but it chokes me. I am shouting but my screams are muffled by its laughter. So, I think I should be dead since I am not living.”
I just gave you a glimpse inside the mind of a troubled person’s mind, just a tiny, scruple of her problems, her weakness. In case you haven’t figured out who or what the worm is – it is her own darkness, her troubles that are taking such a drastic turn – her DEPRESSION. Depression is a monster that starts as a worm, then grows into a plague that consumes a person’s entire mind and existence and makes her dead inside. You are not ‘depressed’ when you don’t get what you want or when your favorite shoes don’t fit you anymore. You are not ‘depressed’ when you lose your happiness, you are depressed when you have all the happiness the world but can’t feel it. Depression is a vicious creature that steals a person’s light, and butchers her will to live. We don’t understand the severity of this monster’s wrath or its greediness to own a person’s soul.
WE DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!
The only thing that can crush this monster, that can bury it, right where it stands, is love and support. Remind the person who she is to you and why you love her. Remind her that she is important, remind her to live life, fear death but above all remind her to FEEL. This monster does not discriminate. No amount of money can sway it from its path, your age and your innocence does not matter nothing to it. It preys on the strong and the weak, the rich and the poor, the old and the young. And on me and YOU!
So, do one thing for me today, when you lie down, think about people you met today, try to remember their eyes. It is said that “Eyes are the windows to our soul.” So, try and get a peep into someone’s soul. Try to see if their eyes are pleading while their lips are grinning. Look at yourself too, in the mirror, look into your eyes and observe, before the worm grows. Remind yourself that you are important, strong and precious, that you have people who love and support you. Never forget who you are and who YOU CAN BE.
The best way to test yourself is to allow yourself to be vulnerable to yourself and to everyone who loves you and cares about you. Confide in them, tell them what you feel. There is NO shame in asking for help. Times change, you might have been the strongest person yesterday but, it is not necessary that you will the same today or tomorrow or the day after that. You can’t read minds but, eyes also speak, and they never lie. Mind plays tricks, it can conceal your heart’s desire and muffle your soul’s cry for help but eyes, never hide emotions, no matter how hard one tries to. So, today, listen to someone’s eyes, just observe, you might see something that you never did before. You might see the person in a new light and in a different way. You may even find the worm and if you do, crush it under your Love’s steel-toe boot.