Suicide Attempt7 mins 463 7 mins 463
“Hey wake up! Are you drunk?”
I wake up straight away, “Did we reach Haridwar?”
“Yes Man! That’s why waking you up but you are sleeping like a dead man.” Bus Conductor was clearly in anger. Perhaps I have been sleeping like this for a long time. There were no passengers in the bus.
I alighted from bus very quietly. Why to argue with poor conductor, he don’t have any idea where I was heading to!
I was having everything till yesterday; studying in a posh convent school, very bright student, a girlfriend, loving family and what not! But now it was looking like nothing left to live. I was totally screwed up!
My girlfriend has been in relation with someone else and I got to know about it last month only. Whole year I was busy in impressing her and paid a very little attention to studies. As a result, I failed in exam. I got my report card yesterday only. It was scared to face my parents. I could not dare to enter home with such report card. I collected whatever cash I could withdraw from ATM and started my journey to end my life, to surrender myself in Ganga River at Haridwar. God was very cruel with me. I wanted to confront him and ask him why this? Why this with me?
Having such thoughts, I have reached river bank, my destination was right in front of eyes.
Destination… means just a dip and finish…
It’s been super easy! When there is no way, suicide is the only way. Just one attempt and all problems blew up.
While I was searching for an isolated place to follow up on my project, I saw one man cooking. That man was missing one hand and one leg.
I found one “suitable” place and started undressing. I did not wish for, but still I was getting random thoughts. I was visualizing mom’s face full of tears. I didn’t know why, when everything was set, I was getting an inner feeling to give it another thought.
Girlfriend has been cheating me for so long. I have been screwed up in exams. Dad will beat me for sure. Mom, who has always come for my rescue, will not shield me this time. Even if I would like to start over, my class fellows will make fun of me. And that girl! Seeing her everyday will be a big task. No! Hell no! It’s better to die once rather than killing self every day. It is THE Best solution.
I have made up my mind once again and started towards the river.
Again I saw Mom’s face, right at that point when I wanted to dip. I used to feel that suicide is done by cowards but today I realized that it requires a brave heart to kill self. It is not being easy.
All of a sudden, I saw very angry face of my mom who was showing my report card to Dad. I felt that the strong tie, that was stopping me, was torn and I slipped and fell in river…
I came to consciousness after, I didn’t know how long, some time. Someone was pumping on my chest and calling me to wake up.
He was the same guy who was cooking few meters back.
I was upset as I did so much hard work to die and he ruined it but I could not do anything now, I was feeling that there was no energy left.
“I was observing you for some time. I was suspicious too but did not say anything because people get upset on uncalled assistance. I was running with the help of a stick, so got late but I am happy that I saved you in time. Why did you do this? What problem you have? Why you want to kill yourself?” he was speaking a lot in flow.
I wanted to avoid him so I replied carelessly, “I have a lot of problems, you won’t understand.”
“Yes, you are right! I could not understand!! How would I? I have too beautiful a life with one hand and one leg to understand anyone’s problems!
I was taken back with his sudden anger, “No! No!! I did not mean that. I failed in exam and my girlfriend has dumped me. Life is too cruel to live.”
He made me sit near him with a lot of love and said, “Look! I understand that your problem is very serious but it is not the end of the world! Was that girl or that exam the only thing important in your life? You must be having family members. Don’t you feel any responsibility for them?”
“But my parents will beat me for low scores!”
“Will they beat to death?”
“Not like that. At most, they will beat me with a stick or revoke access to TV, laptop or mobile. Not giving me food will be their maximum punishment. Why they will kill me? They are not criminals.”
For the first time, I saw a faint smile on his face.
“Tell me one more thing, who will gain from your death?”
“My parents will. They will not feel ashamed due to my result.”
“And who will have loss from your death?”
“Loss? I guess none.”
“Hmm? And your parents?"
“Yes! Yes!! My parents will turn alone.”
“That’s good! Now tell me, will your result change after death?”
“How can that happen? Impossible!!”
“So it means that, even if you die, it won’t help your parents. They can still get embarrassed. So your death is not beneficial here or is it?”
There were bombs blasting in my head. I did not think about it that way. I just had a thought and kept thinking on the same line. His questions made me think and truly speaking, I was not having answers to his questions.
He interrupted my thoughts, “What is the benefit bro?”
I was on verge of crying, “There was no benefit.”
“Then, why were you doing this coward action?”
“No it is not easy to die, I realized that only brave hearts could do it.”
“Brave hearts! You are kidding me!! If a person shows half of the courage, what he has gather to die, one can solve life’s all problems. It is just a momentary insolvency of mind which causes suicide. Is this life only belongs to you? Is it wrong on your parents’ part to expect something from you? Are those teachers fool who give their important time to you? How many people are connected to you? Their survival depends on you. Is there only one girl on the earth? Can’t a person give exam again? If you will think in right direction, you will realize that there were few solutions that you did not even try. You just think about yourself and that is the problem.” He was like unburdening his long accumulated pressure.
Tears were flowing faster than the speed of Ganga River from my eyes. Conversation with him for 5 minutes has changed my thoughts. He was speaking truth.
I was thankful to God that he sent this unknown guy to me and saved me from committing a crime.
Provided I would have shared my problems with any one in my family or friends, perhaps I would have sitting at my home peacefully.
“Brother, Myself Rohit promises you that I will make up for my mistakes and start over in my life. You have changed my thought process completely. Saying thanks won’t do justice to your efforts.”
“You are too young to think about so much, keep flourishing and prospering.”
“Brother! I have spoken so much to you but forgot to ask your name.”
“Vishnu! That’s what people call me.”
“Vishnu Brother, I am feeling hungry. Is there something to eat?”
Vishnu brother laughed loudly this time, “Yes, sure. Let’s eat together.”
I have made up my mind to return home and was switching on my phone to speak at home.