The Effects Of Verbal Abuse

October is National Domestic Violence month and it is a subject near and dear to my heart.

So all through this month, I will be writing about it, to try to open your eyes to what it actually does to the victims.

Today I want to present you with some facts about this devastating crime and the lasting effects it can have.

This is not just me telling you, this is actual facts and reports from top researchers on what domestic violence and verbal abuse can and will do to people and let me tell you it's really scary.

According to 2020 National Statistics on Domestic Violence here are the facts:

On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men.

1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner physical violence, intimate partner contact sexual violence, and/or intimate partner stalking with impacts such as injury, fearfulness, post-traumatic stress disorder, use of victim services, contraction of sexually transmitted diseases, etc.

1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. This includes a range of behaviors (e.g. slapping, shoving, pushing) and in some cases might not be considered "domestic violence." 

1 in 7 women and 1 in 25 men have been injured by an intimate partner.

1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men have been victims of severe physical violence (e.g. beating, burning, strangling) by an intimate partner in their lifetime.

1 in 7 women and 1 in 18 men have been stalked by an intimate partner during their lifetime to the point in which they felt very fearful or believed that they or someone close to them would be harmed or killed.

Harvard University put out their own study on verbal abuse, they went on to say: 

Scolding, swearing, yelling,

blaming, insulting, threatening, ridiculing, demeaning & criticizing can be as harmful as physical abuse, sexual abuse outside the home or witnessing physical abuse at home.

The report suggests that, when verbal abuse is constant and severe, it creates a risk of post-traumatic stress disorder,

The same type of psychological collapse was experienced by combat troops in Iraq.

The research on which the report is based points out that children who are the target of frequent verbal mistreatment exhibit higher rates of physical aggression, delinquency, and social problems than other children.

Other researchers have associated childhood verbal abuse with a significantly higher risk of developing unstable, angry personalities, narcissistic behavior, obsessive-compulsive disorders, and paranoia.

 “Verbal abuse may also have more lasting consequences than other forms of abuse because it’s often more continuous,” 

says Teicher. “And in combination with physical abuse and neglect, may produce the direst outcome. 

There are always signs, yet we chose to ignore them,

here are a few:

Do they...

*Make derogatory 

comments about a group you belong to (gender, career, religion, etc.) This comment might end with "I mean them, not you."

*Make fun of or insult your

ideas, behaviors, or beliefs?

*Make negative comments about people, places, or things that you love?

*Say things that are almost true about you, but leave you wanting to defend yourself?

*Say, "What? It was just a joke!" to dismiss a remark that offends you?

*Ask you questions about something that just happened and reply to your answers, "Do you care to think about that and answer the question again" or just sit there, staring at you, in a way that lets you know your answer wasn't "right"?

*Engage you in long conversations about things on which you disagree until you reach the point of wanting to say, "Okay. Whatever. You're right!" 

Or insist that you repeat what they said and then, later, claim,

"You agreed with me!"

*Somehow manage to physically back you into a corner or somewhere you cannot easily escape during intense conversations?

*Break you down until you

say you're sorry about a fight you clearly are in the right about?

These are signs of how you feel when you are with them. Do you feel...

*Nervous when approaching them with certain topics?

*Insulted because of their use of foul language or does their use of foul language change the meaning of otherwise normal requests? 

Such as: "Could you f*ck*ng tell me how much f*ck*ng longer it will be before you're ready

for dinner?"

*A need to tell on yourself

about innocent events just in case, the person hears about it later?

*Feel misunderstood for the most part, in your relationship?  

Do you doubt...

*Your sanity, intelligence, communication skills because of difficulties relating to them?

*Your memories when it comes to recalling conversations or events with the person because their take on it is so different from your own?

Ask yourself these questions and be brutally honest with the answers because these are the signs. 

Victims of verbal abuse may:

*Have difficulty forming conclusions and making decisions.

*Feel or accept that there is something wrong with them on a basic level.

I am here to tell you all of this is true as I was in a verbally abusive marriage for 24 years. I know how it feels to be yelled at, put down, belittled, told you are stupid and that you could never do anything right.

I spent years crying myself to sleep, thinking I could never get out of this relationship because I didn't think I could make it on my own. His words rang over and over in my head, I'd be nothing without him, he would take my girls, I'd be living in a box under 95...I was stuck in fear.

When I finally had the courage to leave I made it my mission to help other women, to make sure my words touched their hearts, to uplift and give encouragement to someone else who may need it. I feel this overwhelming need to constantly put the word out about this silent killer of lives and souls.

This will never go away if we keep quiet about it. It has to be spoken of, we have to shine the light on this dark topic and show these men and women that even though you may not raise your hands to us, you are still abusive!

So today my friends, I beg you to reach out, to help others who are literally stuck in these relationships. Give them a way to get out, donate to your local women's shelters. You don't realize how small and precious the joy is of just coming home, not being afraid and just being happy until you have walked in our shoes.