Don't be an afterthought

Don't be an afterthought

As this month is National Domestic Violence month, I felt this would be perfect to start off my series of blogs about this epidemic we are facing today.

Did you know 23% of women will be abused verbally and or physically and 11% of men will be as well? We need to change this, but most of all, we need to change the way we see ourselves and what we will put up with.

I realized as far as I have come to pull myself out of a 24 year verbally abusive marriage I was still broken. Even though I own my own business, I bought and remodeled my home on my own, and as far as I come to learn to love myself again, I still have lasting residue from this.

I use to let men get away with all kinds of crap since I've been divorced, shit I would have never let anyone get away with before I was married, when I knew my worth. Hell, I have even made excuses for them...oh come on, if you've been there, you will hear yourself in these words...

"Oh, he's had a rough childhood"

"Oh, girl you don't know him, really he's nice"

"He's been really hurt in his past relationship"

My all time favorite "But he loves me!"

Fill in the blank with the bullshit story you tell yourself, your friends and family.

Yes, I've done this and I wondered why? It's because no matter how far I've come, somewhere deep down, his voice is still saying I am not good enough, this is all I deserve, that no one will truly love me...

Yes, I am a grown woman but 24 years of put downs, of lost self esteem, of hearing this and so many other things had made me believe this.

But the wonderful thing about life is, there are always lessons to be learned and there is always the possibility for change. And for me I finally realized my worth, I will not be an afterthought. You want to see me, make an effort, call me in advance, make plans, go out of your way to make me feel like you want to see me, don't just call me at midnight saying you miss me or you want me to come by. That is just an afterthought....

I finally learned my value. I don't care if you had a bad relationship or a messed up childhood, or that you're busy, that does not give you the right to be an asshole. Don't blame your bad behavior on others, own your shit.

If something or someone is important enough to you, you will find the time, you will lose sleep, you will do what it takes and if they aren't doing all of that, they are not worth your time, are you listening, my queens??

I learned this by dating a real man, who put in the effort, who taught me my worth, who showed me what a real man looks like.

I have learned to not accept crumbs, that I am worthy of the whole meal, that as my dear friend said to me "You need to bring more to the table than just your dick! That a man should want to walk on broken glass for you, because you're worth it!"

Yes, these last few weeks, a lot of my male friends reached out to me for my birthday, they seemed to all have one message for me....I am worthy, I am a great woman, and that any man should consider themselves extremely lucky to have me.

I was shocked and grateful for their kind words...but why? Don't I know that I am a great woman?

See even if no one said that, I should know that, you should know that, we should know our worth.

You should know you need to come first, no bullshit excuses, no, I'm busy, I work a lot, I didn't get your message...

Please....and we believe this... Why? Are we that desperate? We are beautiful, self sufficient, independent women, we need to say:

"I don't need you in my life, your there because I want you in it and just as quick you can and will be replaced"

That is how we need to look at this, we must set boundaries, "This is unacceptable and if you chose to do this behavior, your outta here"

Period, not just speaking the words and then just ignoring them, acting like you never said them or that your feelings were hurt and they chose to pretend they weren't. Why do we constantly give 2nd and 3rd, hell some of us give 6th and 7th chances for them to entertain the same bad behavior?

No, I now know what I want and I will not settle for some half ass, broken, too self absorbed man any more!

Yes, it's taken me a while, it's taken lots of friends and family to tell me this, it's taken many heartbreaks (If you read my blogs you know that I am hard headed) To realize my worth.

But now that I've learned this lesson, I am good and from now on, you better be bringing more to the table than just your dick or you're outta here!

So today my friends, remember you are worthy, you have value, you deserve to be treated like the queen you are, do not accept anything less, remember you are not, nor will you ever be...an afterthought.

Join us at Soulsistersoulutions tonight at 7pm when we talk about our worth.

"Be the change you want to see"

 @Treadmilltreats