Solitude Is My Wife - Comedy Entertainer

Gagan developed a huge obsession with his solitude. The time he spent alone was the most blissful moment of his life. One day in the early morning, he stood on his balcony drinking in the surrounding environment that was enveloped with lush green gleaming sunlight that squeezed itself through trees and kissed his face, evoking a smile on his face. He slipped his hands into his pockets, closed his eyes, soaking at the moment. “Solitude is blissful,” he uttered. The chirping of birds and rustling of leaves seemed to vibrate with his heartbeat frequency.

The relentless wind caressed his hairs, making them unkempt. As he was gazing at the trees, a peculiar idea popped into his mind. Why not consider solitude as my wife? Anyway, solitude had been churning out ecstasy for him. There is nothing wrong with marrying solitude. Gagan jumped in joy, all set to implement his idea into reality. He knew he would look weird, but he had already decided. He scurried to God’s room, intoned his own mantra, “Solitude is my wife, bless me, God!” 

After some time, he smiled, glancing at God’s portrait. “Thank you very much for making this happen. I am married. Woo-hoo!” he looked excited.

Gagan checked the ‘Married’ option checkbox in marital status. He sprawled a few sets of photos in front of him.

“Oh my dear, solitude! Please choose a photo in this collection of places,” he nudged his chest.

He picked a random photo. “I am going to Mumbai,” he squealed.

Gagan packed his bags and set out to visit Mumbai. He appeared at the airport and collected the boarding pass. He glimpsed at his watch which said 5 o’clock. Rubbing dust off his clothes, he plopped into a vacant chair. An old man who was in his sixties occupied a chair next to him.

“Are you married?” he asked.

“Yes, I am a newly married guy,” Gagan grinned.

“Why are you alone? Where is your wife?” he pressed.

“She is inside me.”

“Wow! God indeed blessed your wife to have a gentleman like you.”

“To be frank, I feel blessed.”

“Perhaps your marriage was decided in heaven.”

“There is no separate hell and heaven. Everything is here,” Gagan said.

A behemoth plane descended, clattering its wheels on the ground. Passengers climbed up the steps, squeezed themselves in, and plopped on their respective seats. Gagan had booked a window seat. He pushed cotton balls into his ears to evade ear pain. After securing the belt, he pulled out a magazine placed in the back net of the front seat and started flipping through the pages. A woman in her mid-forties took a seat next to him. 

“Just a day ago, we married. Mr. Almighty had witnessed the auspicious ceremony. The very next day, we are traveling to Mumbai. How are you feeling?”

The woman who looked placid before he spoke suddenly widened her eyes, glancing at Gagan. She didn’t know the guy at all, but he was talking about marriage. Words poured out from his mouth, not from someone else’s mouth, and he wasn’t using earphones either. Her heart refused to listen to her and hit a panic button. 

“Your silence vindicates my decision to marry you. Thank you very much!”

The woman gasped for breath as his words nearly suffocated her. Gagan noticed her.

“What’s wrong, madam? Do you need any help?” he asked.

“You are the reason for this problem,” she fumed.

“What did I do, madam?” he looked puzzled.

“Why are you talking about our marriage?”

“When did I marry you, madam?” he panicked.

“I must be the one to ask that question?” she held her eyes on him.

“I am just not getting it.”

“Are you married?” 

“Yes.”

“Who is your wife?”

“Certainly, not you.”

“Why are you talking about marriage?”

“Oh, God! I didn’t speak with you, mam”

“Then who were you speaking to?”

“My solitude.”

“How can your solitude answer a question that your wife must answer?” she continued to bombard him with questions.

“Because solitude is my wife.”

“What the hell?”

“Everything is a hell until you create heaven. I have created heaven inside me which is solitude, which is also my wife.”

“What a nut case? I must quickly leave this place before he turns me into his devotee,” she quickly scrambled to her feet, looked behind. There was a vacant seat in the second row from her. She immediately rushed to occupy the vacant seat.

Gagan laughed inwardly. He thought society drilled people with a stereotypical mindset. He continued flipping through the pages of the magazine in his hand without reading the contents of it. The plane arrived at the Mumbai airport. He dragged his luggage on a trolley until he stumbled upon a cab driver who took him to a lodge. He strolled into the allocated room. The spacious room captured his attention. A vast mirror secured against the wall reflected his dull face. He rushed to the bathroom to have a bath so that he would look fresh and get energized after that arduous plane journey. Gagan donned new clothes, pulled out a camera from his bag, and set out to relish the scenery given upon the world by God. The beauty of nature sprawled in front held him in its steely grip. Dancing leaves appeared to beckon him, drawing him in its ocean of greenery. He nestled his back against the tree trunk and took a selfie.

“I am enjoying every moment with you, my dear solitude. Here is my poetry for you.”

Gagan dropped his mind in a poetry bucket to churn out a poem.

You are my wife, dear solitude

You helped me to build a great fortitude

When I am helpless, I seek your advice

We will never apply for divorce

My skin handles the abnormal weather, keeping you safe

You taught me how to live a life

I will never let nasty thoughts intrude on our privacy

If they persist, I am going to burn them with no mercy

Sun God is blessing us with his power

Let us drench in his powerful shower

Wind God is replenishing our breath tank

We shall invest in his air bank

A guy overheard Gagan, an air of confusion prevailed around him. He wanted to clear his confusion by having a conversation with Gagan. 

“Does your wife enjoy solitude?” he nudged Gagan’s shoulder.

“My wife is solitude.”

“If you consider your wife as solitude, that means she is always silent. Isn’t it?”

“You are on track. She comprises silence that can penetrate bliss to every cell of my body.”

“Got it. Your wife is dumb.” he stuck out his hand, expecting a high-five.

Gagan refused to clap his hand. “How dare you call my wife dumb? You coward,” he fumed.

“She can’t talk, right?”

“You crazy buffalo! Wallow on muddy water.”

“Don’t hijack my mood.”

“Solitude can help you revive your lost mood. I am spending time with my wife.”

“Where is she?”

“She is inside.”

The guy burst out laughing. “Inside your pocket?” he ridiculed.

“She is present in every cell of my body.”

“You are a lunatic, for sure. I think you must go to NIMHANS right now.” he couldn’t control his laughter.

Gagan got irked. “What is your problem, man? Why are you sticking your nose in our business?”

“Carry on Mr. Solitude. I will not meddle in your business with your sweet wife, solitude,” he left, all smiling.

Gagan spent a week in Mumbai before returning to Bangalore. He snuggled up against his laptop, toying with its keyboard. As he was peering at the screen, he stumbled upon a site that offered new couples a chance to take part in a reality show. Without wasting time, he registered for the show, providing all the information required. In five minutes, he received a confirmation, saying they selected him for the show. Gagan’s joy knew no bounds as his countenance beamed. He made all the arrangements required to take part in the show with his wife, solitude. They had erected an enormous stage for the reality show “Crazy Games With Couples” Many couples had gathered there to take part in the qualifying round. Gagan joined their huddle. They made each couple stay separate from others. One of the volunteers looked perplexed at Gagan, who stood alone without his wife.

“Hey, sir! Where is your wife?” he asked.

“Inside me.”

“I didn’t get you.”

“My wife, solitude is staying inside me.”

“It’s not time to crack jokes, sir. Please bring your wife or else you won’t get permission to take part in the show.”

“This is injustice. I recently got married to solitude. If the reality show is only for couples, why am I not allowed? I have come with my wife,” Gagan persisted.

Others laughed at his words. 

“There is nothing to laugh about here,” Gagan said.

Three judges of the reality show strode into the room at the same time. They noticed Gagan raising his voice. One of them approached Gagan. “This show is for a gentleman. Why are you picking a fight with our volunteers?”

“Why am I not allowed to take part in the show?” Gagan questioned.

“Have you shown your confirmation mail? By the way, where is your wife?”

“His wife is hiding inside him, it seems. He is trying to sell his illogical ideas,” one of the volunteers said.

“Yes, my wife, solitude is inside me. According to the rules of this show, I have come with my wife.”

“This is a show watched by millions of people. We neither have time nor patience to buy into your rubbish.”

“Rubbish? Is there anything wrong with being enamored with solitude? Why are you not accepting that?”

“Solitude is not a living thing.”

“They nowhere mentioned it in the rules book. The eternal connection I have with solitude is better than the connection these couples can have their entire life. When your wife is inside you, you can better understand her. Does it seem illogical?” he asked.

“Don’t show off your headless conscience here.”

“I can surely perform better than these guys owing to my deep connection with solitude. Your team’s TRP rating spikes as well. Why don’t you give me a chance?” he pressed.

Three judges stood mute with words refusing to spill out. 

“I know you will not give me any chance. No one damn cares about solitude. Everyone only cares about what is happening outside, not inside. The outside world cannot function if your inner world cannot function. Happiness, pain, love, frustration all emotions we feel from inside not outside. The outer world is a mess when our inner life takes a beating. Why not promote the strengthening of our inner life first before stepping on the external world. Why the aversion to inner life? I am not here to hijack your business. I just wanted to share my thoughts taught by none other than my dear wife, solitude. All the best! Carry on.” Gagan walked out as everyone gazed at his back, transfixed by his words.