NO WINGS TO FLY

The most important day was when she met me, and the worst day was when she left me.

It seems that just before yesterday has happened. some people meet as coincidentally some are scarcely meet and are often meet till we get bored. meet the same people, again and again, get me bored. suchlike scene happens.  I decide to join LIC agent . and I quit my previous job as a field officer.

I strain my brain to decide. is it right or wrong to decide to change the job? my subconscious mind says is ok and my conscious mind says it's a tough decision. it gets miffed me.

The next day exam was passed at dated 19/1/2011. it was rejoicing the day. I have crossed half race to reach the mountain. my determination is strong my motives also decide. but way which is not confined. which way must I go not still decide 

If sees my future, no hope, I feel demoralised. lack confidence.

Some bad Suicide seed is planting into my brain. no hope sees before my eye. I have hard work and honesty. but due to my weak personality, I do not survive to fitted seem. I have an inferior complexity problem. i am not a risk-taker. I hate myself. I want to build my bad. when I die, people forget me. They don't respect my virtues. they never built statues. history of me will be erased like dream. I read it in the newspaper that,

" the great mind always born to forget, survival only their thoughts. "

Today I call my development officer from Bharat Mata mandir. he says that my "licence number has been delivered at the branch today" he forces me to add a new policy into account. he says the branch manager will be cancelled your licence if not opened a new policy into your account. your commission will be cancelled.

i am getting a tension filled mind. I never disclose to anyone about my feelings before. I am frustrated day by day.

 one day I attained a seminar near the dhobi ghat metro cinema. I attained seminar LIC topper came to preach and trains to recruits member to train. first, they display their books on the table. I have no money to purchase the book. entry fees only hundreds of rupees. I just pay fees. enter into the hall. hall jammed with an agent. meeting held by well known golden batch recipient man. Mr Malhotra came to hypnotised us and he motivate us. he told us a story that change my life. he recollects that when the first time he become a LIC agent. he was happy he first time visit his friends and request to open the LIC policy. friends said that you "scare me about my life" friends. don't frighten us. life will be saved if luck is strong, nobody saves you if your time comes.

"We have inborn marketing skills"

 _Child born marketing starts'

"How to convince client, it learns from the child"

When a child wants something he starts to crying, he cries until his demand is not fulfilled.

"Child uses marketing of crying"

By use of crying, he convinces his parent until whatever he wants. and he does not get it.

That the marketing"

How to convince is an inborn skill by us.

That message changes my attitude. I was very excited to pursue my career and suddenly came across a girl who attracted her. she was looking very beautiful and gorgeous and her sweet eye and pink lips were coloured with lipsticks. she also joined the LIC agent we both decided to work together. she meets me near the garden and we discuss many schemes. how to persuade customers to purchase policy. we printed pamphlet and distribute near the railway station. gives everyone who passes the railway station. then the last call to action moment came. every morning new call was received by us. she received calls. and attains all meetings. our commission started to add into account. we opened joined account and established small firms named swayam consultant run by me. she was head and maintained all office work our bank balance bulging with money. we filed an income tax return.

as our client list increased we decide to get married. she also confirmed on that matter. she was also agreed. but problems arise due to caste problems. she wants to marry into her caste. she doesn't want to grow relations between us. she wanted a business partner, not a life partner. one day she mailed me. the mail read as ….

"I am sorry. I am no longer with you now. my family not agreed with our marriage. they deny our relation. I want to Marry you but I don't against my family. I want to pursue a career in business. so I decide to cut relation with you. I solely open my firm agency. my father give me support for this. so I cancelled all business relationships with you. I send a letter to the bank to cancel my partnership. send not to bank. I very regret this. I wish you may forgive me for this. you have a future brighter than me. you will get married soon. my father searching for me  husband. I also getting married soon. so don't judge me on my decision. I know your feeling. don't take seriously impact on your career goal. you are the best agent in future."

Yours loved . . . Simran.

I Iread emails and was dilapidated.  closed the bank account. and cut all relationships with her. remember those days. has been in drunk. Could not forgotten that 9/2/2010. crafted  into my mind.

As the old saying goes. that "empty mind is a house of evil ghosts" 

That day I was tension-filled. did not go to office work. confused. days program was fixed. decide to kill my life. first, visit my best friends. at Bharat Mata. we got way straight to the bar shop. first, we order whisky. the waiter put the bottle. places complementary. shop furnish with wood benches. shabby shutter. we gulp two glasses. again orders two whisky bottles. finish it again. drank in five minutes. I felt intoxicated. and dizzy. also dizzy. bills paid by me. catch way to the cinema run on that day was "natrang" we watched the cinema. after finishing the film we again decide to have a drink we get two quarters. gulps in five minutes. we get intoxication. we get the station. purchase ticket. catch train get out next station. I fight with a guard on the way. my friend solved the problem. platform filled with rush and line up people. hustle and bustle on the platform. I flung on the counter. who once frauded me. gives me short of Fifty rupees.

My friend catches me, pull me ahead. downwards slope at the pedestrian road. the road encircles with beggers all kinds of laymen's and blind men, handicapped. I was got fears of CCTV install into premises. our behaviour captured into the camera.

When we walked down outstation, I looked at beggers few minutes. I felt their life free from relation I compare with beggers I whisked away firmly ask one layman. his left arm has been bandaged. you begged, we common man, we struggle for our status in society. my friend tried to stop me. I was out of control.

I was ventured into real drama. on the stage of  reality....a role of my existence is an actor. performance is run on the platform. we wearing masks of standard life. We are drunker. there are worshipped a variety god's. drunker  are exceptional. I may not go through real love but I might lost my life.