Love Undone!

I am not sure what to call it, that is happening between us.

I am not sure how to react to it.

I am not sure, to call it an attraction or more.

I am not sure whether to say it or not.

But I am sure, what I feel for you, can’t be expressed in words.

When we look at each other, there is always the spark.

When we talk to each other, the words go crazy.

When we don't talk to each other, but just sit together. It feels companionable.

When we text each other, it's not many words but says a lot.

When we frustrate each other by not saying anything but waiting for others to say something.

When we are miles apart, but still keep tabs on each other.

When we couldn't touch each other. Because we don't trust what's this is.

We both know, we want each other. But we can’t have each other.

It’s almost formidable. 

Not sure how to tackle this, whether to kill this or live this.

You tell me. Because I am not sure with my heart or brain. 

I just keep a distance from you, but still, it always pulls me towards you.

Vedika wrote this while sitting at the coffee table. She was waiting for Rishi. He was on his way. She wasn't sure whether she should meet him or not. Last night, they finally decided to give in, what they are feeling for each other.

3 years before 

 

She was an ambitious career woman. She was both a kick-ass professional and a charismatic leader. She was beautiful, fun, honest and all things Rishi wanted... When they first met, he didn't realize it though. She was a regular techie for him. But gradually as he got to know her, she was all he could see. He himself was, by the way, was a social figure, a management consultant and Management GURU as they call it. He was handsome and fun. They both become very tight friends. They shared a good chemistry. They both were married, settled. They used to share many things starting from love lives, their ambitions, their fears and a lot... It was going well. Having a friend like that was a blessing, in dry corporate life!

But soon everything changed. Their daily rants about their lives, their nonsense banter, lame jokes became something. Something which made their hearts beat faster... Something which was a lot more than their friendship…Something which they both realized, but nobody spoke… Nobody dared… They knew they were totally invested in that something…

That’s why they took steps back. The two started keeping a distance from each other. Their daily tea treats reduced to weekly to monthly. They couldn't see each other eye to eye. The words disappeared from their talks, a breathing silence took over instead. Their encounters became awkward. It was too much to take in. They both started bailing on each other.

And one fine day, Rishi declared that he was moving to another city. Was it a drastic measure or a mistake? Nobody knew, but it seemed logical at that time. That something had clouded the air between them, but their friendship was still intact. Vedika wasn’t happy about Rishi’s departure, but she didn’t stop him. She knew it was ought to happen. They bid a teary farewell to each other as friends do. They separated.

And then there nothing but the radio silence! Rishi just disappeared from everywhere... He became a ghost. Of course, Vedika used to miss him, but she thought, he did well for both. She never stopped thinking about him, but of course, she was happy, thinking he was happy somewhere...She knew a piece of her heart would be always with him.

Suddenly after 6 months, she got a call from Rishi asking her to meet at their regular office corner. And she was shocked. But happy. They met, they talked, they laughed, they cherished old memories! Time flew... Then came the time of goodbyes... Rishi looked at her, she stared back. There was a longing, helplessness, a passion in their eyes. She weakly smiled at him. He hugged her awkwardly. Took her hand in hand gripped it tightly as if his life was dependent on it. She was almost hurting, he could tell. She didn’t say anything. He wanted her to say something, he wanted her to say it... But she didn’t...He looked at her, smiled...And finally, let her go!

Rishi went away, he never looked back. He was not going back, it was too much to bear. In the beginning, there were few friendly chats, but then there was none. They used to secretly check each other's social media footprints like the last seen, profile pics, statuses, etc... etc... But no contact. 

Then life happened. One fine day, he got a text from Vedika, that she was going to have a baby... 

He couldn’t comprehend what he was reading. How could she? He felt betrayed. He felt that she had deceived him some way. He replied to her harshly but then apologized. He was sitting on the floor, looking at her message. The only thing he could feel was, it should have been him. It was wrong, it was pathetic... But that's what all he could think of... 

It's been two years. They both had their separate lives, their separate careers. They didn't even live in the same city. But... But still, they felt that pull towards each other. They missed each other, they missed being themselves. They had a cold war ongoing in the form of social media quotes, statuses. They challenged each other. And while all it was ongoing, they never talked to each other. That was all so consuming and maddening because their lives are already written, their destinies were tied with others even before they met. They weren't unhappy with their partners, they loved them. But that feeling of more for each other is taking a toll on them. They were in love with each other, but they couldn’t be with each other. They never dared to express that love… They were a mess of tangled feelings.

The question was… How you can be in love with someone when you already have someone to love?

Sometimes a person needs a push, a shock or even a pandemic to realize what they want in their lives.

So, there was a pandemic! The whole world was shaken Everyone realized that life is short to have any regrets. Rishi couldn't handle that feeling. He thought it’s better to die by expressing the unsaid love instead of dying in regret...

His whole attention was shifted to what to do about that unspoken pull, those feelings. So he decides to make it on the first chance they get.

"Thinking of you in these crazy times... Hope you and your family are okay!"  He wrote to her. Vedika read it, a smile escaped from her lips. She knew the feeling. She replied saying, she was okay. She asked him to take care. The reply was guarded as usual. It was a step ahead...

As the quarantine days passed, the feelings became unbearable. They couldn’t live the lie. After the crazy days of world chaos, they realized that they had to say each other before their deaths... Else their lives would be incomplete…

Back to the present day

Rishi made it finally. The flight was late. She must have waited for a long time... 1-2 hrs. maybe... he thought. Still, he went over there! He looked around. Everything was looking the same. The rusty old cafe, as they used to call it :).... He called her, but couldn't reach her number, he texted her about his arrival. He had nothing to do but wait. He ordered a coffee. He was angry at himself, but also at her... Several minutes passed... Nothing from Vedika... He tried her again, but it nothing. She must have given in the mess again… She is too loyal to express her love for him… It’s her secret... Isn't it? It’s wrong, as she would say… Rishi thought…

 

"How much Uncle?" He asked the elderly man on the counter!

"100 Rupees, Dikara" The man replied.

He gave him the note. He smiled at him and started to take off.

"Are you Rishi Desai by any chance?" The old man asked.

Rishi was taken aback by the question... He continued, "Yes, why?" 

"Hold on a minute dear..." With that, the old man shuffled through his desk and produced an envelope. 

"This is for you. A beautiful girl was sitting here for hrs. She finally left after three coffees. She asked me to give this to you."

Rishi took the envelope. 

"By the way the right choice, she knows you very well. You are an exact copy of her description! Don't let her go... Girls like that are hard to get!"

Rishi smiled at him weakly and left.

He read it... He read it again and again...One moment he was happy, another he was sad...He looked for her, he looked every-where but she wasn’t there…He finally picked up the phone and started texting frantically ...

She watched him with those watery eyes... She understood his dilemma, she understood his pain, his helplessness, his madness.

The text bubble was still saying... typing.... typing...

She was waiting… 

Of course, it is going to take a while... It's the love unsaid… It’s the love undone!