Closure

"Are we breaking up, Ved?", Radhika continued. "Are you listening to me?". "Ved!". What? I said, a little annoyed because of a broken train of thought. "What are we going to do? Didn't you say you won't be able to handle the long-distance relationship? You sounded so sure. Sometimes I just don't understand what you are thinking. Just tell me clearly, please! I am hurting, too", Radhika said. I couldn't blurt out anything. My mind was too clouded and scattered at the same time. "I am leaving. Just call me when you have something to say", Radhika said while leaving with teary eyes.

I kept staring at the floor with sunken eyes. What is this weird feeling? I wondered. Oh god! I like this girl a lot. How will I live with so much distance? Once she moves to California, it is over. Can people even work out staying away from each other for so long? I don't know. All of these thoughts have been clouding my mind ever since I got to know that Radhika has this fancy opportunity in California. Like the opportunity, you cannot miss anything. Even I want her to go. I think some people do manage long-distance relationships. Yes, I have heard of it from a lot of people. But what about us? 

I left for a walk with unusually loud thoughts. Now that I think of it I was firm when I told her let's not go for a long-distance relationship. But why was I so sure at that time? Maybe because I knew that once she goes there, there is no coming back. Because we don't have that kind of work opportunities here in India. So she won't be coming to India. On the other hand, I couldn't move anywhere. Not anytime soon, with my own startup just flying off the ground, and to be honest I never wanted to leave India. So basically there is no future for us in this scenario. So do I just let go of this beautiful girl and this beautiful relationship? What if we tried long-distance for some time and then figure it out afterward? Yes! this doesn't sound so bad, I wondered. But then what is holding me back from saying this to her? Maybe I am afraid of the possibility of what this distance will do to us. What if we grew distant because of all the distance and time gap? What if she grows closer to someone else or If I grow closer to someone else? No! I would never live with it. I would hate that. I want to remember us by our beautiful moments. I want to treasure this relationship with beautiful moments. I don't want to ruin my memories of Radhika and this relationship because of petty fights that would happen in case one of us starts growing distant from the other.

I think sometimes just finding someone right for you or finding your love is not enough. We never know what situation life is going to throw at us. The situations surrounding the relationship also decide a lot of things. Relationships don't only mean loving each other, do they? A perfect relationship would be the one where you love each other and grow together not just personally but professionally, too. I wondered if my relationship with Radhika would have been a perfect one. I mean, yes! we definitely grew with each other in these 2 years of our relationship. But maybe now we can't grow with each other. It's like our car has stopped at a bifurcation and now our paths would not align with each other. So, we will just have to leave our car and take our own ways. It would not be a relationship if it makes us stagnant. Both of us need to grow and now that will happen only if we are not together. All of this epiphany is very harsh, I thought. But then don't they say we always have to keep playing the game of life. So we will have to keep moving forward. We will always have all the beautiful moments that we lived and we will have all the beautiful memories to treasure that we made together. Now, what I need or what we need is a perfect closure to end this beautiful relationship. A good closure will tie the knot to this beautiful threat of our story. Sure, we may not remain close in the future. We may never cross our paths again and again. But if we do when we get older, we will definitely have a familiar and grateful smile to greet each other. A perfect closure will make us grateful for our time together and it will always help us remember our beautiful days as they were. Then in our cheerful as well as melancholic days, we will know that somewhere in the world we are watching the same sky and we definitely made each other happy. 

I knew It will definitely hurt for some time. But I also knew, we will be okay eventually. As they say, time heals everything. All of this thinking and a long walk made my heart lighter and suddenly I knew what I wanted or rather what we wanted. Now I knew what I wanted to say to Radhika. It brought a grateful smile to me as the night brought shimmering stars to the sky. So, I turned and started walking towards home to call Radhika.