Ashwini Kabade



Ashwini Kabade


Love Undefined!

Love Undefined!

6 mins

The boy smiled at her happily enjoying his treat, she looked at him saying something, which made him laugh.

How does she do that? How can she make anyone smile or laugh so easily? It looks so effortless, so natural. She spreads happiness wherever she goes, that's one of the reasons I really liked her since the beginning.

A girl walked into my training, which was about to start. She apologised for coming late and muttered something about the project workload and all. That wasn't new to me, these nerdy folks from corporates are like that only. I started with the introductions, after 6-7 people her turn came. She introduced herself, "Avani Bhattacharya, lead programmer". I wasn't paying attention to her in the start, but that sharp voice of confidence snatched my attention. She wasn't looking like a lead or something! She was cute, not more than 26-27, I guessed. Her eyes sparkled, which amused me. Though she was so not my type! As the training progressed I got to know her more. In two days of training, it felt like she was someone I know from decades. She was smart, witty and she had the quality to catch someone off guard. Mostly due to her big mysterious eyes.

2-3 days passed, I had forgotten her already. But one afternoon I found her walking to our dept., she was with her friend, they shared some internal joke and she laughed whole-heartedly which startled the whole cubicle. Though the sound was loud but it was so natural, raw nothing was fake about it. I was taken aback by it. She waved at me with those twinkling eyes.

Usually, I don't surf people without any reason. But that night I checked her Facebook profile. And doomed... ...She was married. I am not full of myself but, girls throw themselves for my attention and I am the one who shooshes them away. Surprisingly that wasn't the case for Avani. Here I was the one who was forced to be shooshed by the situation! I was disappointed and more accurately disheartened.

As they say, all the good ones are taken. I consoled myself with same. Still, I was under her spell. I was following her on social media, not in a creepy way of course! Just to get to know her. I found her the best person to befriend. Thus sent her a friend request and she accepted as well. As she was onshore, she was quite active on social media, thus I got to chat with her. She was open, friendly, lively, passionate about life. Although there was an unseen barrier she was maintaining, of course considering me as an HR trainer in her organization.

Days passed. I knew I shouldn't be attracted to her. She didn't have any clue about my feelings, as I hid those well undercover. For her I was just a friend, she was indeed a very good friend. She shared her life-stories, her love story: how she fell in love at age of 20 and got married when she was just 22. She showed me their pictures. I found their bond so strong, their love so pure. I envied them...I envied him- her husband. A strange thought always crossed my mind whenever I was with her. "It could have been me." But it isn't me.

Everything was great, I was enjoying her company as much as possible in the office, on tea times, breakfast. Sometimes she came alone, sometimes it was a band of girls! Yess... A band of girls. She used to tease me, about my fan following and how she was trying to play cupid. I didn't care about other girls but it was a pleasure to watch her matchmaking efforts. Thus everything was going great as I said. Until one awful day...

It was a corporate party, about annual rewards and recognition. She was one of the awardees and I was the facilitator of the event, obviously, I was there. Speeches, verbal recognition etc. started, I was the host so I had to keep an eye on the audience. But my eyes were mostly focussed on her. In the beginning, she was smiling, later she wasn't. She was ignoring my prying eyes. All the flattery ended and drinks-dinner started. She isn't a drinker thus she ended up socializing. She was in her element, talking, teasing people. Wherever she was going, smiles followed her, she was shining brightly like a Talisman. That's where I lost my track... I was caught up with the organisation leaders thus I couldn't accompany her. Booze had taken over my brain and I lost control over my actions, emotions. My eyes started chasing her, trying to get her attention. I tried small talk, except she didn't open up. She understood what my eyes were trying to say, that disturbed her. She left the party.. She also left herself as my friend... It cost me too much.

She stopped talking to me, our chats became formal. She was avoiding me, on top of that she needed to go to onshore for 2 months, thus she cut every connecting thread. I felt lost, I understood she wouldn't be like before how much I try. She never approached me again. She was gone to the distance which was impossible for me to cross. I was getting miserable, I started falling apart. It was my fault, mine and only mine. I left the organization... I left the city... I left her memories...

I struggled with my feelings, I let the time pass. I was still attracted to her, I couldn't get her out of my mind. Why?'s the only question, that was troubling me. I know, it was wrong, it was foolish. Then I realized it wasn't an attraction, it was love. Yes, I was in love with her, I couldn't help it.

After 6 months, I showed up at her office-my previous office. I called her after meeting others. She was surprised but ready to meet. She is always a good friend as I said. We went for a long walk like old days, we talked a lot. I didn't show my feelings so she was alright. It was a good day, eventually, time flew. Suddenly I was bidding her goodbye. We shook hands, my hand lingered a bit more than necessary, my eyes were defying the words coming from my mouth. She looked at me with those beautiful eyes, she understood what my eyes were trying to say. She smiled weakly and left, never saying a word.

Since that day, I never tried to meet her, I never contacted or bugged her. Not even a 'Hi/Hello' on chat, not a single like on FB, calling her was way out of question. But that doesn't mean I stopped loving her. I still love her, however, this love is unsaid, unexpressed, unexplained. It will stay like that and I will never stop loving her as what I feel for her, I never felt for someone else. She is special to me and she will be forever. Somehow I have the feeling she feels it too, but she is too loyal to admit.

We are like two edges of the river, which stay together but are always apart.

She looked around like someone was watching her. She found me around the corner, she looked at me and smiled. Her husband came, he kissed her on the forehead, whispered something in her ear. It made her laugh, they took the boy's hands in theirs. They are walking slowly, the boy is telling the story from his school and they are laughing wholeheartedly.

I am watching them, they are happy...She is happy... So am I.. ..........

Love is strange, it makes you do strange things... Sometimes it's undefined..

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