The Silver Nut Meg Tree

Once upon a time

In a strange spice country

Bounded within hem of a funny land

Grew right in the centre

Of its aromatic boundaries

A beautiful Silver Nut Meg tree

Where grew the Silver Nut Meg Princess

And her sisters so very very pretty

Side by side stood the King Mace

And Queen Clove

Upon their enchanted trees aglow

The silver Nut Meg princesses

Were all so very beautiful

That the King Lord Asafoetida

And his Betel Nut Beetles

Wished to rob them all

To make into their wives

The naughty people

Of Ginger and Garlic land

Far away from spice kingdom

Smuggle them to a foreign continent

 

King Mace with his maces

And clobbers

 Queen Clove with her

Clubs and cleavers

Were very very wary

To lose their precious Silver Nut Meg daughters

Of the Silver Nut Meg tree

But King Lord Asafoetida

Wished to save his funny face

For he had an odour

That one repelled with pungent gas

So bad and horrid like rotten toes

With a smell of bad breath Halitosis

Yet came one day upon his troops

His Betel Nut Beetles

To win at least a hand of one

Silver Nut Meg

And another few for his Betel nut chums

No sooner did he open his mouth

Than emerged a breath so foul

Of a thousand ungracious hosts

Coddiwompling catawampus ghosts

Swearing with fuming fury breath toasts

“Princess Silver Nut Megs

May we have your hand in marriage?

We shall be your Lords and Slaves

And honour your pretty faces”

 

“OOOOOO…”

Sighed the poor Silver Nut Megs

And shivered in their pretty nut cases

Upon the Silver Nut Meg tree

“Good Grace never shall we”

And turned down all

Advances of the cloying

Foul breath and rotten toes

Of King Lord Asafoetida

And his champion chums

The Betel Nut Beetles

 

How Lord Asafoetida

Bellowed and shivered

In anger from tip to toe

And let out so foul a breath

From his mouth and rotten toes

The whole neighbourhood

Scurried off indoors

Only stood the Mace King

With his maces and clobbers

And the Gentle Clove Queen

With her clubs and cleavers

Right off fifty two card decks

Where their subjects quivered and quavered

To see such a frightening skirmish

To settle its unsettling grouse

And the King Mace and Queen Clove

Unhinged challenged the stubborn

Old oaf of an ungentle manly

King Lord Asafoetida

“Only if you dare smell nice

Shall we declare you to be

Future son-in-law Spice”

They knew was impossible a feat

As to turn so thoughtful and sweet

Like a leopard’s tawny and spotted hide

Unchanging his flavoured spots and stripes

Still be a ferocious acrid spice leopard

King Lord Asafoetida

Along with his foul betel nut beetle spies

“Serves you right”

King Mace and Queen Clove

They bitterly remarked at last!

“Husshhh…..” In a silent whisper

 

The furious King Lord Asafoetida

Rode his funny Betel Nut beetles

Only he knew the secret

To erode

And explode in seething anger

Without turning ever so sweet and pliable

In the bargain won a rancid score

Of rank odour and foul breath

Instead of sweetness and kindness

Without bitterness or rancour

An essence that never underestimated

The mellow Saffron Prince of yonder

Spice land

With a fragrance so sweet

As he rode his ebullient horse

Named Snowflake Vanilla

Along with all his breezy Saffron Brothers

And their Snowflake essences

Mulberry, pomegranate and gooseberries

He was right on his way

Along with the rest

To save the day

Yonder the spice boundaries

Right in the heart

Where stood the Silver Nut Meg Tree

 

No sooner he plodded with his

Snowflake horse Vanilla

Rest Saffron brothers

Astride their snowflake horses

Of sweet seed essences

Mulberry, pomegranate and gooseberries

Pounded away

So sweet and plausibly inviting

To the gentry and common herd

They just stood out

It was like a hundred wedding bells ringing

And a hundred wedding cakes baking

Dulcet and Euphonius

The King Mace and Queen Clove

Exclaimed

“Our Shining Knights of Honour

Knave of Hearts Saffron

Let our Maidens of Honour and spice flowers

Caraway, carom and star anise

Begin dressing our beautiful

Princess Nut Meg

And her pretty sisters for Prince

Saffron and all his sweet glowing

 Perfumed brothers”

The princes and Princesses

Blended in very well

Like milk and honey

The King Mace and Queen Clove

Sighed a heavy sigh of relief

“Pheww.......!

No more King Lord Asafoetida

And his cloying friends

The Betel Nut Beetles

Of Ginger and Garlic land”

 

They spoke too soon

For soon was filled

A gaseous gas in the air

Pungent odour of rotten toes

And foul breath

Of a hundred hooligan ghosts of

King Lord Asafoetida

Along with pungent warriors

Peppercorns in their suit of armour pepper pods

Upon their faithful beasts

The Betel Nut Beetles

In bunches and clusters

Sprung up from every

Nook, cranny and corners

Everywhere

All the way from Java Spices

That bludgeon meat, smother and broil

In big black corrie cauldron pots

Sizzle, simmer and smoulder

For witches and wizards steak or fillet

 A buffet for their daily dinner plates

And supper bowls

At stake poor preys and black mice

Fat, nicely marinated

In a Chinese five spice

Raw, cooked and sometimes rare

Soon the dinner bell gonged

All the way its roots

In such a ruthless battle

It never stopped raging

With bellows and shivers

Quivers and quavers!

 

However filled the air jubilant bay leaves

Everywhere

To tame the gross gaseous chilly air

And red chillies too spiced up

The enemies

So that they could defeat them

Even comrades of spice land

Coriander, poppy, curry, cassia bark

And star anise

So proudly fought hand in glove

Everywhere

There were ghosts of spice and dust

Expelling tang and aroma

Into the atmosphere 

Evaporating their pungent evil

Gaseous stunts

Now villains turned their backs

Warrior Peppercorns and King Lord Asafoetida

Upon their betel nut beetle backs

Before they fumed and FOWLED FOAL

Foul breath, rotten toes

 Black pepper pods so full of gore

Retiring back their Garlic and Ginger Lands

They sorely lost breathed, tossed and exhaled ‘LITOSS LOSS’

“Ouch our smelly toes” they confessed

The entire merry subjects rejoiced ‘VICTORY’

“Good Riddance! Foul breath

And rotten toes

So very distasteful like

Toe jam and Halitosis”

For they won the hopeless battle

Between the fiend and them

The silver Nut Meg tree Princesses

Honoured them with badges and trophies

Tightly woven in strings and splice ropes

A medal ‘Spice of Life’

They truly deserved

Merry subjects full of spice and condiments

In Spice Land of course!

 

Now the holy Basil and Cumin

Fennel and mint

Gentlemen of Best Spices

Too spiced up the flavour

And their song of essences

When priest and priestesses Cardamoms

Gave out a fragrant whiff

To their wedding bells

Of Princes Saffron’s and Princess

Sweet Nut Megs

The King Mace and Queen Clove

With their clubs, cleavers

Maces and clobbers

Had a royal ball

And invited everybody of spice land

Save the ones with foul odour

And steamy breath

Asafoetida, Peppercorn

And the funny Betel nut Beetles

From the land of Garlic and Ginger

To churn the gastric enzymes and juices flowing

And spice up your wedding taste buds and salivating glands

Joy everlasting

Their splendiferous song of essence!