The Monster Inside

And just as I was learning to live with it all,

There came another one, 

Sending me to my knees once again, 

Sending me to the den I had just escaped.

Why? 

Why doesn't it ever leave me alone?

Why does it only come when I'm trying to be happy? 

When I'm just beginning to feel all that's around me?

Why am i not like the rest?

Why do they deserve it all?

Why do I keep lying to myself? 

It's time to accept- happiness is just a tale

So many wishes but none yet to come true

At night it's me versus it

In the morning I stir it into coffee

When is this episode going to end?

In silence I have created a masterpiece

My tears have sealed their vision

In tears

The knife slides easily through my palm 

And guess what

I hate it

But i just can't help it

It's killing me

And i just can't fight it

I know I'm playing with fire 

But the more i make attempts to tame it 

The more it consumes

Everything around is beautiful

But it is the beauty that hurts

I used to hate the dark

But now 

Ts the only place i feel invisible enough

I make up excuses to change focus

I can't let anyone notice

I hide it inside like there's nothing wrong 

But sometimes the list can get really long...