Hallucinating, Are You?

There was a time, I would hear my child say,

“Mumma! Dada’s asking you to hurry up”.

“Dada wants me to accompany him to grandma’s”

Or sometimes,

“Today dada’ll help me with the homework”.

Her constant chants of my husband’s name freaked me out.

You would ask me, “What is wrong with that?

She just wants to be with her dad”.

Let me tell you why

Hearing her utter his name gave me goosebumps.

The reason: my husband didn’t live with us.

He was miles away, toiling hard to fend for us.

He hardly came home once a year.

So how is it my daughter

Talked to him all the time?

Claimed to sleep beside him

And claimed he accompanied her?

Her constant chants of my husband’s name

Had affected me deeply,

Had taken a toll on my mental health

So much, that at times

Even I felt like he roamed about 

In the house.

In the kitchen while cooking

I could feel him standing behind me

Waiting to surprise me with a hug.

I could sometimes feel his touch.

At other times, I could see him

Standing beside me the moment I wake up,

Knocking the wits out of me.

I would sometimes scream in shock.

The next second I would realize

My growing levels of foolishness

And try to calm my escalating fear.

Is my house haunted?

Has the ghost taken my husband’s form?

Would it hurt my daughter?

Would it hurt me?

I’ve seen in horror movies 

Ghosts in haunted mansions

Target the innocence of kids 

To fulfill their evil plans.

When they no longer need them

They push the kids towards doom.

Would he do that to my child?

With all these fears,

I was living a life of horror,

Swimming and drowning in it at the same time.

Pondering over this,

I was transported back to my childhood.

At night, I would sleep beside grandma

On her charpoy in the middle of the hall.

When I awoke in the middle of the night,

I would see a man with a contorted face

Standing on a ladder right beside me

Repairing the fan above my head.

On the compound wall squatted a lion.

Its mane sparkling brightly in the moonlight,

Eyes radiating evil and hunger.

I would quickly shut my eyes

Drift back to sleep in a while.

This happened every night.

The same man, the same fan and the same lion.

I didn’t dare mention it to anyone

Lest these would harm me.

I lived with this horror into my childhood

Until it began to wane off.

Is it the same thing my daughter was undergoing?

Or was there a real threat in my house?

I took her to a psychiatrist who educated me 

Childhood hallucinations are common

And would subside with her growth just like mine did.

My daughter felt her dada’s presence 

As she missed him terribly.

The strong emotional urge had led her 

To imagine he was always beside her.

The news came as a huge relief

As I was equipped to deal with hallucinations.

But no way I could've dealt with ghosts.