Cursed Love

Maybe I should have paid more attention when

They told me that we build our own hell piece by piece

Because now the person behind me laughs

With too many but is happy with nobody

when they said we ignite our own inferno,

I should have believed them 

Because now the person I hide smiles randomly 

But none of them knows she screams so loudly

But one thing I really did take note was when

They said that it is when the story ends that we begin to feel it all 

Because now more than ever, it all makes sense

Honestly,

I didn't really want love, I just wanted to feel loved 

And in you I found my 'saving grace' 

In you I 'felt' the existence of my safe heaven

Even though it was always about you

You still silenced my fears

Because you always knew what to say to hide your traces in the dark

Your promise of forever always tamed my overthinking 

And even when you told me nothing

I still believed in everything

You drew memories in my mind I could never erase

You painted colors in my heart I could never replace

All this because I was too desperate to be alone

I didn't see the pillar they all saw in me 

Knowing all this , you still took advantage

You took me through hell 

But I had to like the way it burnt 

Because I convinced myself that we were walking side by side 

Only to realize that I was killing me to give us life

I was drowning to save a person who kept pushing my head under water

It cost my sanity to realize that loving you was killing me 

To see that I had baited my heart to the jaws of a monster

The idea that you were so capable of love

But still chose to be toxic still eats me up hitherto 

Because I never seem to figure out why

Because it still reminds me of how and why I opened up to you

But maybe I'm hopelessly in love with a memory.

An echo of another time and place.