E And C

I have given up on; "What is today?"                               

I have given up on eventual every day.                              

I've tried to make sense. On what count?

To what? To whom? To what amount?

Inflation of love while priced with pain.

What I've done has lain.

I can't believe what I may outlast.

Or if my future becomes my past.

As I think about it, I look diseased,

anxious, scared, confused, seized.

I wasted my life on those and these.

I've tainted blood. I part with ease.

There's no "I" in our team, but there is me.

I can't help but think this. "That's how I see?" 

You, not before me, 

I before E and C.

I'm selfish in every letter of the word.

I'm the definition of absurd. 

I'm tangible manifestations of Greed and Envy. 

I've given up. I'll never be happy.