Thoughts

Sometimes I feel as if I want to run away. Not sometimes...it's quite frequent now. After every bad situation, let it be my mistake or feeling the pressure or being emotional...I feel out of place. I-I want to close my eyes, shut my ears and block the whole world out. It's soothing. I don't feel any pressure and it is oddly comforting. I envelope into the dark silence and feel myself instantly relaxed. It's a total bliss.

A reason why I want to sleep so much. I want to mix into the dream which are so stupid, it does make me feel better. I always want a lot of stupidity and laughter in my life...I can't take the seriousness. I want to lose myself in those dreams.

I also want to read a lot of books. Sometimes when things don't go in a way I want, or feeling myself frustrated with the life...I want to escape the reality and enter the world of mystery. A world of fiction where I envision myself to a girl who finds a solution to a crime, or a girl who finds solution in her life, or be someone who finds love. These things make me so happy that sometimes I wish wanting to make my life the same. Unfortunately, I don't get to do the same.

Sometimes the silence around me is so deafening that I am in need of music. A constant source of sound is what is I need to cure my mental state of my mind. Music is solution...I am bored I listen music, I listen while working, while traveling...it's a part and particle of my life. I can't seem to live without it. Sometimes the songs I listen, it relates so much to my life ...I get emotional and...I really can't handle that state of mind. I stop the music and intermingled with lonesome thoughts.

Even if wish I want to be with people, I also don't. Sometimes I wish to be alone with the confuse thoughts swirling around in my head. Not being able to decide a things, torn between two different things, the desire of not saying a big 'No' to someone, this is something I face every time when my life is on the point of turing upside down. The decision which I make though, doesn't help much in making my life steady. It always turns upside down.

Sometimes I wish I want something in my life which the others have. I do know that same thing will come later in

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my life...but that feeling is gnawing me from inside, scraping the delicate parts of my soul. So, I try not to think of those things and bruise myself in the world of books and music. These are the only things which keep me alive as of now. Even studies help for a time period, but my life is supported by those two only.

These thoughts when are not helped by my life supporters, I dance. I enjoyed the melody and the rhythm on which I move my body gracefully. I enjoyed tapping my feets furiously and going round and round until I am lost in the world of the same. Doing actions with my beloved music is something which entirely takes my mind of the things.

And if I don't have the desire to do anything, I pen down my thoughts. Pening down is the most useful trick I have come up with. I can't tell my stupid thoughts to someone, but I can pore it to paper. Anna Frank was right, paper does have patience and is the most trustworthy friend I could have ever found out. Once I start writing down, I can't seem to stop. I feel myself jotting down, emptying my head, removing the confusion, the frustration, the sadness, the loneliness, the happiness all on the paper. I feel light-hearted, seeing all of my mind on the paper. I sometimes think that paper is lucky enough to enter my mind and become witness of this. Paper is something which eases me down and makes my heart calm.

There is every reason as to why I do each and every action. I know my life is messed up...I don't listen to warning. I regret it later. But I want to make it right. I want to put every effort to make it right. But I get a sort of fear which makes me not go on the same path again. That fear which engulf me every time I start a new thing. That fear which makes me feel that I won't succeed on the path like others and ...and make never it to the end. To put the same fear out of my mind, I do the things which makes the other people think I am doing wrong things. But in reality I'm not. I try to escape my life...like every time. And like every time, I don't succeed in doing so every time. I have to face my life and face the hardships that goes in a continuous cycle. I want to journey through my life and bring it to an beautiful end.