The Yes That Never Came

The sun hung low in the sky, casting warm rays over the University.I leaned against the cool wall of the academic complex, having butterflies in my stomach. Today was the day I would finally confess my feelings to Priyanka. I had been watching her for a very long time. The ring of her laughter was like chimes in the wind, the warmth of her smile igniting something deep within me. It was time to transform this one-sided love into something tangible or attempt to do so. "Hey, Rajiv!" Adwait called, breaking me from my daydream. He jogged over with his usual carefree look, which always made me feel everything would be alright. Ratish followed, his expression more serious, but his eyes twinkled with mischief. "What's up, man? You look like you've just seen a ghost," Adwait giggled, bumping my shoulder playfully. I laughed nervously, running a hand through my hair. "Just, you know, thinking about Priyanka." Ratish raised an eyebrow. "Are you finally going to tell her how you feel? Because if you don't, I might just have to step in and take her out myself." However, I pondered the monstrousness of the moment, realizing that although I was nervous, this was an opportunity I couldn't let slip away.
I shot him a glare. "Not funny, Ratish. I'm serious about this." Adwait leaned in closer. "Dude, you've got this. Just be yourself. And if it doesn’t go well, I mean, well, you’re still a genius with a bright future ahead." "Yeah, right," I replied, the weight of their encouragement serving both as a lifeline and a trap. "It’s just, what if she doesn’t feel the same way?" "Then she doesn’t and you move on," Ratish muttered, as if it was the simplest thing in the world. "You're too good for just one girl anyway." "Thanks for boosting my confidence," I remarked flatly, however, I couldn't suppress my smile. They were correct, I had to at least attempt it.
As we approached the canteen, I could see her sitting at our table, surrounded by friends. Her hair twirled around her shoulders and her laughter floated through the air. My heart skipped a beat. "Look, there she is," Adwait pushed me. "Go on, Romeo." "Shut up," I whispered, but my legs had already begun moving toward her, driven by a force I couldn’t contain. “Hey, Priyanka,” I managed to utter, my voice cracking slightly. She looked up, her face lighting up in that way that made me feel as though I was floating. “Rajiv! Hi!”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, attempting to steady my running heart. “Can we talk for a moment? Just the two of us?” Her smile faltered slightly. However, she nodded in agreement. “Sure, let’s step outside.” As we walked away from the commotion of the canteen, I felt the world blurring around us. "What's up?" she inquired, a sparkle illuminating her eye. Once again, my palms were sweating and I took a deep breath before saying, "I wanted to tell you that… well, I really like you, Priyanka. Like, more than just friends." A long pause followed, during which the tension hung heavily in the air. Then, her expression shifted, her brows joining together in protest. "Rajiv, I…" I grasped her elbows, my heart hammering excitedly in my chest. "I know this may come as a shock, but I had to express it now. You mean a lot to me." Her eyes softened, but there was something else mixed in with the warmth, pity perhaps? "I am really flattered, Rajiv. But I consider you as a friend, you know? I am not looking for a relationship at present." Those words felt like a blow to my gut. I managed a smile, although my heart was crumbling into pieces. "Yeah, I get it. I just wanted to be frank," I replied. “I hope this doesn’t change our friendship,” she added, looking genuinely concerned.
“Of course not—friends, right?” I replied, my voice nearly breaking. As we made our way back to the canteen, I experienced a sense of emptiness, as if I had become merely just a shadow of my former self. Adwait and Ratish were waiting eagerly. I managed to invoke a smile. However, it felt like just a superficial exterior. “So…?” Adwait inquired, bouncing on the balls of his feet because he was clearly impatient. She's not interested, I replied flatly.
Ratish added. "Damn, man. I am sorry. However, you know what? She's missing out on a great guy." "Yeah, right," I mumbled, feeling the weight of their sympathy pressing down on me. I spent the next few days in confusion, floating from lecture to lecture, my mind constantly drifting back to Priyanka. I still saw her in the canteen and still shared laughter with her, but the air between us felt different now, charged with the unspoken words lingering in the space where my heart had once soared. Adwait and Ratish attempted to drown my sorrows in parties and study sessions, but nothing seemed to lift the fog of disappointment that settled over me. "Let's hit the gym," Adwait suggested one evening, trying to charm a laugh out of me. "We'll pump some iron and forget about girls for a while." "Yeah, because that works so well," I replied dryly; however, I followed them anyway. As we entered the gym, the sounds of clanging weights and grunting people filled the air. I picked up a dumbbell, but my mind was still wrapped around Priyanka. "Hey, you're not lifting; you're just staring into space," Ratish said, pushing my arm. "What's going on?" "Just thinking about Priyanka," I admitted with a low tone.
"Let it go, man," Adwait remarked, shaking his head in disapproval. "You possess the entire world before you. Concentrate on your studies and your aspirations." "That's right," I exhaled, however, the words felt shallow. Days morphed into weeks and the ache in my chest persisted. I immersed myself in my studies, but even the thrill of tackling challenging equations could not alleviate the void Priyanka had left. One evening, while I was seated in the library, engrossed in my notes, I heard laughter echoing down the passage. I looked up to find Priyanka with her friends, her laughter resembled music, touching my heart deeply. I redirected my attention to my notes, attempting to focus, but my thoughts drifted. Suddenly, a loud crash pierced the air, followed by a yelp of pain. "What was that?" I murmured, glancing toward the source of the commotion. Moments later, Priyanka stumbled into view, gripping her ankle, I jumped upright and hurried over. "Priyanka! Are you okay?" She pouted, attempting to stand. "I think I twisted my ankle." "Allow me to assist you," I offered, encircling my arm around her waist. "Thanks, Rajiv," she replied, her voice was strained but filled with appreciation.
I guided her toward a nearby bench, my heart racing with a blend of concern and a flicker of hope. Perhaps this presented a chance to connect, to demonstrate that my feelings extended beyond mere friendship. "Do you need to visit the nurse?" I inquired, kneeling beside her. "No, it's fine. Just a little sore," she responded. "Here, allow me to take a look." I gently lifted her foot, inspecting her ankle. "I believe you should ice it." "Yes, I'll be fine. Just a bit clumsy, I suppose," she chuckled lightly, however, I could detect the discomfort in her eyes.
"Clumsy? You're the most graceful person I know," I remarked, attempting to lighten the atmosphere. She broke into a smile, the warmth in her cheeks touching my heart with a bittersweet sensation. "Thanks, Rajiv. You are always so sweet." As we sat there, a familiar flutter in my chest reminded me precisely why I cherished her so deeply. "You know, I was just considering that perhaps we could spend more time together. Revisit the past, you know?
Just as friends." "Yeah, I'd like that," she replied, her spirits brightening. I nodded, striving to keep a friendly facade while managing powerful emotions just beneath the surface.
In the weeks followed, our bond deepened during study sessions and late-night conversations, as we endeavored to hold onto these feelings and emotions. However, the laughter we shared often served as a reminder of what can never truly be. "Hey, Rajiv," Priyanka remarked one day while we strolled across campus. "You're exceptionally skilled in physics. Could you assist me with some problems?" "Absolutely! I'm always available to help," I responded, my heart racing at the prospect of spending more time in her company. She reclined against a tree, her hair glistening in the sunlight. "You know, I genuinely appreciate your support.
Balancing everything is not easy," she confessed. I nodded, my chest constricting under the weight of unspoken sentiments. "I understand how that feels. Sometimes, it becomes challenging to persist." Her eyes locked onto mine, searching for something deeper. "But you always seem so optimistic. How do you manage that?" I shrugged and tried to keep a smile, but it felt forced. "I suppose I simply concentrate on what I can control, like my studies and being a supportive friend." "Yeah, you're a wonderful friend," she stated and I could identify the sincerity in her gaze. Those words tingled, yet I struggled to shake off the despair that lingered in my mind “just a friend”.
As the semester advanced, the burden of academic responsibilities increasingly pressed upon me. I found myself spending numerous nights immersed in study, resolute in my quest to uphold my grades. However, each time I encountered Priyanka, the cramp in my heart would resurface, serving as a persistent reminder of my unfulfilled desires. One evening, while I was reviewing my notes in the library, Adwait and Ratish made an entrance, their presence providing a much needed diversion. "Hey, man, lighten up," Adwait remarked, sitting down next to me. "Let's hit a party tonight. It'll be fun!" "I don't know," I replied. " We have an exam coming up." "Forget the exam for one night! You need to live a little, Rajiv," Ratish urged, nudging me playfully. "Besides, you might encounter someone who could help you forget about Priyanka." "Yeah, right," I countered dismissively, but a part of me was interested. Eventually, after persistent forcing, I got ready to join them for the evening. The party was a chaotic amalgamation of sounds, music, laughter and flashing lights. I genuinely attempted to immerse myself in the environment, yet it felt as though I was continually being swept back into thoughts of her. "Rajiv!" Adwait shouted into my ear, "Loosen up! Let's let loose! Dance!"
As I persuaded uncomfortably like a leaf in the wind, I caught sight of Priyanka across the room, laughing with her friends. My heart ached, however, I wanted to be the one who made her laugh. I longed for her to look at me with that warmth I craved. "Hey, let's go talk to her!"
Ratish suggested, pulling me toward her. Although I felt nervous, I knew that this moment could change everything. "No, I…," I whispered, but it was too late. "Priyanka!" Adwait shouted, waving her over.
She turned and her eyes sparkled when she caught sight of us. "Hey, guys!" "Come join us!" Ratish urged her to step into our circle. We danced and shared laughter, however, I somehow lost my sense of direction in the rapid emotions spinning around me. Priyanka and I were close, but the chasm between us was not magnetic. "Rajiv, you're too stiff! Just relax!" she playfully added, giggling at my awkward movements. "Easy for you to say," I replied, attempting to lift the atmosphere. As the evening progressed, I found myself standing a bit apart, observing her enjoying the moment. The laughter and joy were undeniably beautiful, but they served as a reminder of my unfulfilled desires. "Hey, man," Adwait remarked, approaching me. "You good? You seem a little off." "Just… thinking," I confessed, my look still fixed on Priyanka. "About her?"
"Indeed," I exhaled. "I find myself at a loss regarding how to move forward." Adwait consented, his expression serious. "You cannot compel love, Rajiv. It must unfold organically." "Easier said than done," I replied, as the heaviness of my emotions bore down upon me. As the party continued, I stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. The night air was cool and the stars shimmered overhead. I leaned against a wall, attempting to regain my calm. "Rajiv," I heard a familiar voice call. Turning, I saw Priyanka approaching, her face adorned with a gentle smile. "Hey," I responded, taken aback by her isolation. "Are you alright?" she inquired, concern evident on her face. "Yeah, I just needed a moment," I replied, mustering a smile. She moved in closer, her warmth was comforting. "You know, I genuinely appreciate you. You are such a good friend." Those words pierced my heart like a dagger. "Thanks, Priyanka. That holds significant meaning for me." "Sometimes I wish I could find someone like you," she remarked, her eyes glimmering. "Someone who is consistently present." "Yeah, well, you deserve someone extraordinary," I murmured, my voice scarcely audible.
She gazed at me and for that particular moment, I thought I detected something more profound within her gaze. However, this feeling quickly dissipated, replaced by the familiar warmth of friendship. "I just don't want to ruin what we have," she said softly, because she valued our connection. "Neither do I," I replied, my heart heavy.
The silence extended between us, with unspoken words and unfulfilled aspirations flowing through the air. I desired to reach out, to draw her near and to express everything that weighed on my heart. However, the fear of losing her as a friend restrained me. "Let’s go inside," I finally suggested, attempting to release the tension that hung heavily around us. She nodded and we walked back together, but the chasm between us felt boundless. As the weeks progressed, I concentrated more than ever on my studies, seeking to drown out the feelings that had morphed into a profound ache within me. My thoughts remained fixated on exams, projects and future ambitions. Nevertheless, with each glance at Priyanka, the sensation of
new wave of longing surged within me. "Rajiv, you are excelling in physics!" Ratish declared one day, clapping me on the back. "You are certain to excel in that exam." "Yes," I muttered, my head still elsewhere.
"Are you still dreaming of Priyanka?" Adwait inquired, raising an eyebrow. However, the question lingered in the air. Although he seemed casual, there was an undercurrent of curiosity in his tone. This was not merely a passing remark, it hinted at deeper feelings or perhaps unresolved issues. Adwait's expression suggested he was prepared for any response, because he knew the complexities involved. Nevertheless, the atmosphere remained charged with anticipation."Yeah," I said resentfully.
"Engage her in conversation. Be forthright," he urged. "You may find it surprising. I shook my head in disbelief. "What if she is not interested in hearing it? I cannot afford to lose her." "However, you are already losing her by withholding the truth. Just take the plunge. What is the worst that could occur?" His words flowed into my mind, worrying at my resolve. I found it impossible to shake the notion that I must seize the opportunity, even though it filled me with dread. One evening, after another difficult day of studying, I roamed toward the canteen, hoping to catch a glimpse of her. She was present, seated with friends, her laughter resonating through the air like a delightful symphony. I approached her, my heart pounding. "Hey, Priyanka!" "Rajiv!" she exclaimed, her smile illuminating my day. "Can we converse?" I inquired, my voice unwavering despite the turmoil swirling in my stomach."Of course!" she said, excitement radiating.
We stepped out into the refreshing evening breeze, the stars shimmering above us. "What is it?" she inquired, leaning her head forward with genuine curiosity. "I've been contemplating our relationship quite a bit lately," I started, my heart racing. "And I feel it is essential to be honest with you." She shifted slightly, her eyes revealing a hint of anxiety. "Okay…" "I realize we are friends and I cherish that more than anything. However, I've developed feelings for you, more profound than mere friendship," I confessed, feeling the burden of my words lift from my chest. A prolonged silence followed the air heavy with tension. "Rajiv, I…" I interrupted desperation tinging my voice. "I understand you may not share the same sentiments and I'm okay with that. But I couldn't keep it hidden any longer. You mean a great deal to me." She cast her gaze downward, her expression reflective. "I truly appreciate you sharing this with me. Although… I don't want to hurt you." "I know and I don't expect anything to change," I responded quickly. "I simply needed you to be aware." She moved closer, her eyes penetrating mine. "You are such an exceptional friend, Rajiv. I don't want to lose that but I now need to be honest with you. I have been in a relationship with another guy for two years and I genuinely love him a lot even after liking you as a friend and knowing that you like me a lot, I am sorry but I can't date you. I hope you understand." "Yes, I understand and respect your feelings and I feel really happy yet jealous of the guy who got such an amazing girl in his life. Don’t worry, we will still share the bond of friendship that we built.", I replied with an emptiness poured into my heart.
As we stood there, the world gradually receded, leaving just the two of us intent on a moment of vulnerability. There existed a flicker of hope, this notion that just perhaps something could emerge. "I'm glad you told me," she murmured. "Me too." We lingered in silence for a brief period before I finally broke it, compelling myself to smile. "Well, I should probably get back to studying," I remarked. "Yeah, me too," she replied in a tone saturated with reluctance.
Although we walked back toward the canteen, I felt somehow uplifted, despite the lingering ache of unreciprocated love surrounding me. I had taken a chance and although it hadn't concluded in the manner I had desired, I recognized that I had remained true to myself. Days morphed into weeks and while my heart continuously yearned for Priyanka, I concentrated on my studies and friendships. I began to value the moments we shared without the burden of expectation. One afternoon, as I sat in the library, I noticed Priyanka passing by, her laughter resonated like a bell. She caught my gaze and for a brief instant, everything else faded away. "Hey, Rajiv!" she exclaimed and that smile illuminated my day. "Hey!" I shouted back, my heart racing wildly.
"Could we perhaps grab a coffee later? I require your assistance on an assignment," she remarked, her eyes sparkling with enthusiasm. "Of course, I would be delighted to," I replied, warmth enveloping me. As we walked out together, I came to the realization that my affection for her might not be reciprocated, however, the beauty of our friendship was undeniable. A moment of insight changed my perspective: she has feelings for another guy that mirror the feelings I have for her. She desires a life with him that I envisioned for us. As Lord Krishna said, where true love exists, freedom is granted to the other person. This leads me to believe that one doesn't need two people to love, sometimes, one person can be enough to let feelings flow.
If my love is strong enough and my one sided affection can influence destiny and challenge the universe, I believe that one day she may develop similar feelings for me. If that doesn’t happen, I will continue to wait for the girl who can reciprocate the love I have for Priyanka, someone whose feelings for me are even more profound, so that I can change the ending of my story.