Seriously Funny

My dear Ex,

The reason I'm writing this is that I always saw deeper thoughts in your talks, but my friends say there's nothing there.

In one of those talks about racetracks, I thought the rain meant something, but everybody said it's JUST rain.

You can settle things if you are kind and want to write back.

I saw your picture somewhere on social media, and I must tell you that you look kind to an older person.

Hey! What's your secret? I mean, do you do anything to look special, to not look as old as you might look if you didn't do anything, like taking a Vitamin maybe?

I told some of your talks to my friend; his reaction was, 'WHAT?'

See, that's an example of something my teacher called "Compression."

Oh, sorry! Not "Compression," the word is "Compression," meaning a lot without saying a lot, just like you.

Your talks were not very compressed; actually, they were all over the place. They sprawled on the page like lazy cats. Do you like this simile? I sort of learned it from you.

Okay! I agree with my friend that nobody makes similes for a living, or maybe I'm wrong.

By the way, how much do you earn per year, in a month, or even per simile? If that's too offensive to ask, pretend I didn't ask any of it.

I like you as a person; you are simple to talk to compared to intellectually intelligent people.

I told your talks to another friend also; he laughed and laughed, but not at the funny ones.

Write back, okay? Soon if you can.

My school's principal, Ma'am, looks pretty good, like you do, but she died in church while saying her prayers.

Well, that's all for now. It's raining outside. If I were a poet, it would probably stand for something, but I'm not, so it's just rain.

Thank you.