Regret But Why!

     I don't know what's with this sudden meeting. I mean we are officially going to be one in a couple of days and any important talk is not more important than this besides we still have phone. Then why all this meeting? I thought while scrolling down the pictures of our engagement.

   One of our distant relative introduced Ajit's family to mine while being an eligible bachelor my parents even agreed. At first I felt he would be just like 9 to 5 office going man with thick glasses, boring shade and stupid jokes type. But when I met him at a family reunion I was instantly drawn towards him. He still wore glasses but it actually made him look cool whereas for styling he has a pretty tough grasp on colour palette, everything coordinated according to shades.

A "KNOCK!" on the table diverted me to the real world. I thought Ajit came but it was a boy who wore delicacies-T and bleached denim. I glared at him with questions.

"Hello mam! What do you like to have?" 

 So this boy is a waiter, maybe a part-timer but who cares. I took the menu card which he was holding for me. After skimming through long trails of drink I  just ordered a lemonade. Actually I don't want anything now but not ordering will make me rude so lemonade will go.

   Here I finished the third glass of lemonade but he still is not in seen space. I checked my phone to ring him.

  After hearing twice the recorded voice I dropped the idea. Maybe he is busy, maybe he is stuck, maybe… …………oh god! I am thinking too much. In the meantime mom called twice. I lied both the time saying it's packed in parlour so it will take some more time.

   I was calling the waiter for bills but he showed up. Hair was in a look that he messed up with it many times, eyes were begging for sleep, the overly grown beards in every direction made me shrink. From where on the earth he travelled here, was the question kicking my neurons. I waved at him. I am seated in the left end of the cafe near the window 5 to 6 tables away from the entrance. Distance plus the crowd of customers gave me some more time to check him. He wore a cringed blue polo-T and regular pants. Oh my!Does his styling sense die, wait a sec does Groom-to-be also have pre-wedding nightmares? I blushed at my ideology. After greeting he sat across from me with eyes peeling down and hunched body. I felt distant, to clear this heavy air I signalled the same waiter with two lemonades.  

He shot questioning eyes at me

 "WHAT???" I interpreted

"Don't tell me Miss you are going to have another two for yourself!!"

"No!" I blushed "one for me and one for my fiance"

He left with Oh! and order.

    With him leaving I moved my eyes to this long known person sitting across me who suddenly felt different. I held his resting hands on table with mine, "Ajit you know I have been waiting for more than an hour here, even mom called twice to know my stats but I lied each time. But what's with you? You don't feel you?"

He felt cold, an eerie coldness passing from his fingers. Who is he? This figure checked my veins. Earlier he felt warm like a cozy couch and now it is making me cold.

"We need to talk!" He moved his hung head up and showed his down peering eyes. When my eyes met his, I felt Storm gusting in his iris.

"Yeah! That is why I came."

Now something is off and that something is very important.

"Sonam!I don't know how to say it but ahhh..." His eyelids shut the only mirror, whereas his head hung down like a dead man.  

"I'm sorry Sonam but...but..I love…someone else…"

It took me minutes to process his and when I, I instantly pulled my hands from his.

 I felt heavy,dull,dead whatever is appropriate but I felt... I felt… a storm  rushing in me in my veins and it was pushing my pupils to come out..BURST OUT!!!!!

But it can be a prank! With a spark of hope. I asked 

"Ajit is this a prank?...I ...d...on't li…k.e…" hiccups rushed between words. I waited for his response but his silence said everything.

I have to control this storm, my nerves, and even my voice. I inhaled a deep breathe to pause that storm 

"Ajit!you know what... you are saying. I mean… we are getting married in two days.." I inhaled again as I pushed the falling tear with the back of my hands.

"I'm sorry!" He shrinked low. 

Wow!as if shrinking will clean his wrong. The storm rushed with more force, 

but not in this world I will let this awful man see my vulnerable state.

"Excuse me" I grabbed my phone and asked a nearby waiter for washroom. He pointed at the right end of the cafe.

       After splashing a few rounds of water on my face I stopped. 

This is not helping!! I cried 

A knock followed by voice 

on washrooms door made me realise where am I 

"Are you Okay miss?"

I think I have heard this voice...

"Yes I am." I tried to sound normal but currently normal is the last thing in my reach.

"You don't feel like it!"

"Yeah sort of! I need some time."

  After confirming the sound of descending footsteps I blew off the hot  air, and turned my attention to the blurred reflection of woman facing me. She felt wet as if she encountered a heavy downpour. Water is still dripping from the edge of her loose strands, while some strands we're stuck on her forehead like black Evy on a pale wall. Her top is wet giving the proof of her encounter, the only moving part were those glassy eyes which is hinting the cause of wetness, which made her forget herself.

   I touched the red cheeks. This is me, Is this me!... I can't be this !....I can't be this pathetic!!!..  I pointed, at the reflection mocking me. Grabbing some face tissues from the corner of the basin,I wiped the old traces off.

  Glad I didn't wear any makeup! I chuckled

After taking six deep breaths I checked my reflection. It is Acceptable now! After smiling back I left the washroom with some hope and questions to ask. Before crossing the washroom hallway I was greeted by a pair of sympathizing eyes. I always hate these sympathy and it's eyes,it tells me I have lost. But now I haven't!!!! I cried

"It took long, Miss. Hope you are okay now?" 

I opened to answer as he continued

"I am sorry Miss, I overheard your words with your fiance. I am sorry Miss this happened to you.."

Again pity uff!!

I stretched my hand at his face to stop 

"Don't pity me boy...I don't like this sympathy."

"Apology miss" he looked down "but where are you going?"

"To my seat!"

"Can I ask why?" 

You already asked!

 

"I have a Question that he has to answer. But WAIT!!! has he left?"

"No he is still there with head digging hole on floor" 

He smiled

"WAIT! How can you say this..Listen boy don't interfere it's adul..."

"What question you gonna ask, miss?" 

He ignored and also back fired, but I somehow felt giving him answers

"Who is she? I want to ask...that made him cancel our marriage.." I faced down to hide the falling drop.

"Are you an adult, Miss?"

His question flared my anger

"what the f…!!!"

he interrupted "Wait!! wait!!...miss don't curse I just asked you to think, a man who shows up two days before his marriage, tells his wife-to-be that he loves someone else. Now tell me Miss is it even mandatory to ask that trustless person who she is!!!"

His words felt true 

"Listen Miss I don't know you but still I have a question for you .

Why play victim when you can point the culprit?"

haven't you already asked me a lot,I wanted to ask but he already left.

I moved my eyes to Ajit's direction only to find him boring his eyes on the phone. Does he even bother to look for me? This is the man I was about to marry…

How sarcastic!

No more victims…

After inhaling against my lungs capacity and exhaling away the trash of  earlier. I felt placid.

After dialing a few numbers, I moved in the direction of the Delicacies counter, where the waiter boy was standing with hands full of orders. Just after exchanging a few words with him. I traveled back to my earlier spot, just as before I took my seat in front of him. He didn't notice my arrival as his eyes were still digging pits in phone.

"Sorry! It took some time."

Then his eyes left his slim phone to look at me.

"Oh..it's okay!"

WOW!as if all was my fault.

His eyes again went kissing his sexy phone. 

Do I even mean anything to him….

I checked the time on the phone. It's the time!

"Ajit!" I called to make him look at me. But after meeting those same black dusty eyes I feel numb and heaviness mixed with wetness in the corner of my eyes.

"Since we are calling it off,then I want to do it properly. I have a wish it's not big, I just want to have a last lunch with you."

Without giving it second thought he agreed.

How placid you are !How devoid I feel !

"Sure then let me place the order. So what do you like to have?"

"Anything" he smiled and went back to his usual digging whereas I stood to place an ORDER…

 At counter the waiter boy was already waiting for me

"Here Miss"  he showed me the door at the corner of hall

"Thanks a lot"

As he pull open the door

"Thank me later, Miss but first have this" he smiled while passing the microphone, after taking  it I faced the window standing  between the broadcasting room and cafe area.

"Do it Miss!" he whispered

Yeah do it Sonam ! Do it !

 I inhaled...I was in the broadcasting room of Delicacies away from customers eyes to point the culprit. 

I started..

"Hi everyone!

I am just a girl from you and one of you."

The noisy atmosphere turned placid after hearing the recitation 

"And so is my story. Unlike other stories, it is Happy in the beginning and worst in the end."

I focused my eyes on Ajit, his emotionless face. Nor did he notice the silence, nor my voice. I felt a knot tightening near my chest or somewhere within,I don't know ! 

"I am a bride and in the next two days I am getting married. But now exactly 48 hours before my groom rang for an urgent meeting, with deliciousness of Delicacies he presented me with the world's bitterest Pre-wedding gift. I LOVE SOMEONE ELSE ...."

The silence turned the whole cafe into a court hall. Every person stopped in the middle of everything just to listen to what's next. But his silence was entangled and his eyes started searching every possible corner not for a phone but something else… His disheveled search made my lips twitch in crescent.

 

Two elderly couples with rapid breath jolted inside the cafe. The waiter boy behind me moved to escort them and I continued

"Two days before he is saying to call off, is this easy, Ajit baby!!!"

He stopped in mid air as if he just kissed a ghost.

"Are you angry?"

I mixed the most sarcastic tone with a honey voice.

"Wherever you are, just come here!! We have already talked then, why make a fuss in public!!??!!" He bursted as one of the elderly couples rushed in his direction, while the other just followed the waiter boy.

"I don't care. I just want my things back."

I shifted the stool as I stood up, from here my emotions are driving me but I won't hold it especially not today.

After taking the microphone in hand I bursted 

"I want my heart back, can you give it?

I want my time back!

I want my happiness back! 

I want my devotion back! 

I want my trust back! 

I want my love back!!

CAN YOU GIVE IT ???"

Streams of tears were running on my cheeks but I let it be 

"I want me back, just give it to me!!?!! You 

trustless person…!!?!!"

My loud words turned into hiccups . I felt ugly but I want all out today…

  Two pairs of strong hands hugged me from the sides. Streams were still rolling but I felt calm in that long known warmthness. He was still shouting as those poor couples were trying their best to hold him.

Culprit pointed…!

    A month has passed from that incident. A week earlier I heard the news, Ajit killed himself by high dosing himself with sleeping drugs. With this another news came, he was in depression for more than a year because of his last girlfriend.

Now I have a Question, whom to regret now?