Apologize or Not ?

This is not good. A day more, then God knows what else will happen. I need to talk, it's urgent, I really need to talk with him.

"Husband!"He was positioned on lap back pressed to headboard on bed .

"Husband I need to talk! It's Urgent!"

With eyes still glued on laptop he replied in stern tone "SPEAK?"

I remained calm. A mere disturbance can bring a big tsunami. Hence low tone can save.

 "I love you "

 I sat at the edge of the bed beside him with my left hand. I tried to reach one of his legs but he jumped off moving to the other end of bed .

I gulped down the surfacing emotions. Whereas he was still looking at the screen without bothering to look at me.

I was at loss of words but not speaking will only worsen the situation. Mom's words played in my head 

"Sometimes asking for an apology won't kill our reputation."

Where as here I was fighting with our basic teaching 

"Never ask for an apology if you haven't committed a mistake ".

Now what should I do? Which side shall I choose Apology or not .I know I haven't done anything wrong. I haven't talked with Ram nor I have any type of emotion for him, yes we talk, but just like husband's friend and husband's wife. Nothing personal, nothing special.

If I will apologize then he might move whereas if I won't apologize then the cold battle will still continue.

Gosh! Too much...

I looked in his direction. He was still there with eyes still glued on the laptop and fingers dancing over number keys. Is he really busy or just pretending?  

On closer look I can detect bags under his eyes from how long I haven't noticed this, his eyes feel dull too. Hairs feel it hasn't touched the comb for a long time. And lips seems someone has robbed all its colours. 

 Has he always been like this? No! 

I was still focused on reading him. His changes, his expressions, his emotions.

He blinked and turned in my direction and looked at me . But when my eyes caught him he turned as fast as an involuntary reflex.

Ouch! Does that hurt? I wanted to ask but I chose to be quiet.

I think I caught something interesting 

'You can't lie husband nor can I....'

Aware of my constant boarding eyes he is now pretending to be focused on screen with his fingers still on keys. 

I think I know what to do ....

"Husband umm..." 

This time he looked. I can feel hope in his stare .

"I... umm......I don't know!.... But...umm..."

 impatience I noticed

"WHAT?!!" 

still detecting anger

"You know I left my mum, my dad, my home, my career, my choice, my hobbies, my friends just to live with you just to grow old with yo..."

He cutted "What are you trying to say?!!! am I some sort of evil that took you away from your beloved ones, am I a beast?! WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING AT?!!!"

"No No Noooo...."I moved to his side. I took his laptop and placed it aside with both of my hands. I pushed him down as he was struggling to free from my hold. But to my surprise he didn't struggle more there. I noticed tears were rolling from my eyes and each drop was falling over his cheeks.

I continued 

"The woman who left so many things for a man, don't you think that man holds some Superior position in her heart. And I think no woman is that cruel to break her own heart with her own hand ." 

I placed my head on the crook of his head. He didn't jump nor did he protest he laid there still. My breath was hitting his bare skin. I can measure his heart rate. I felt calm after a long race I felt relaxed in his warmth.

"I won't apologize cause I know I haven't done anything wrong... I love yo..." 

I couldn't continue, my throat felt jammed, words struck and a stream of tears started rolling from my eyes. I was holding this I don't know for how long but I was holding this. Now I won't hold it, let it be.... Let it be.

I felt a warm hand caressing my back 

"I am sorry "I heard him whispering beside me.

"Hope you will paradon your man " 

I chuckled softly.

  We hugged each other tightly .

I think Mom was right Apologizing won't make us small and our old teaching was also right

Apologize when you have made a mistake. It's all just a matter of perspective.