Essence Of The Festivities

"What's this? Won't you take a holiday even on Dhanteras? Oh no! "What is the point of celebrating a festival if you don't have a single day off!", my mother-in-law exclaimed in a surprised tone.

"Mummy Ji, we only get two days off, not more than that. Even on Bhaidooj, it will be a workday for me. There will be many meetings all day and I have a lot of work in hand to finish. All I could have done was to tell my boss that I would be working from home. Isn't that enough?", I replied to her straightforwardly with a loud and clear voice.

My mother-in-law was considerably upset about my upfront answer and her face said it all, but now, after three years of my marriage, she knew very well that there was no point arguing with me, or even suggesting anything to me. I would be doing things as I had planned. She did not speak anything for quite some time, expressing her anger subtly; then proceeded by herself with the Dhanteras and Diwali preparations. I too chose to ignore her, made myself a cup of tea, and within seconds, got myself occupied with my laptop.

 Tomorrow is the first day of Diwali; the Dhanteras festival. It is the day of worshipping all the wealth in the household and praying for more and more prosperity in life. Diwali has always been my favorite festival since childhood. Before marriage, my family and I used to celebrate Diwali every year with great pomp.

My parents and we, three siblings, used to start all preparations as soon as Navratri was over. Cleaning the house, changing bed sheets and curtains, buying new decorative items, decking up the main entrance with garlands and flowers, drawing new rangolis every day, and cooking delicacies with my mother; I deeply loved everything associated with the festival.

Celebrating Diwali by wearing newly purchased expensive dresses and bursting crackers with relatives and others in the neighborhood was something we kids keenly looked forward to. It used to be a different kind of indescribable fulfilled emotion. But now, gone are those childhood days! We are all grownups, dealing with real life every day.

Ever since I started working, I have been so busy that it is difficult to find time for personal things too. I just run around as the clock ticks by. Even on Diwali, we, the family members, barely manage to coordinate everyone's timings and fix a common slot each year to make a video call together to speak to everyone at once.

Ever since I got married and have been staying with my in-laws, we have celebrated all the festivities together for the last three years, but now and then I hear my mother-in-law bragging about 'their way of doing the rituals', which diminishes my interest in participating in the celebrations with them. Nowadays, I don't feel enthusiastic about the festivities anymore, and honestly, I do not have time for it at all.

I am working as a Business Development Manager in a reputable multinational company with an office in South Mumbai. I love my organization, my job, and the position I hold, and moreover, I am very passionate about my work. Years of persistent hard work have helped me achieve this position, earnings, and status today. I am proud to be a self-dependent woman and I had always wanted my in-laws to feel the same pride about me; to be appreciated by them for who I am, for my diligence and ambitions.

My husband and father-in-law understand my career-related hardships well. They often ask me about my work and office issues and even praise and motivate me to keep going. I feel comfortable talking to them.

But my Mother-in-law!

She doesn't understand all these things, nor is she interested in these topics. She has no idea about my struggles and what it takes to be in this position in a multimillion-dollar business and to sustain it. She doesn't know how much it takes to grow in a competitive workplace. She has never enquired about my work problems or even regular day-to-day incidents; not even to strike up a casual conversation.

Her topics of concern are very different, the kitchen, laundry, groceries, maids, cleaning, tiffin, and so on. She expects me to accompany her to the temple every day, go to the market with her, go shopping with her, join her kitty parties, and get involved in all the domestic matters closely. How many times have I told her clearly that after 10 to 12 hours of office, alongside hours of travel through the notorious Mumbai traffic, I am left with absolutely no interest in any of these trivial matters; not even on the weekends. I just feel like relaxing while lounging around with my husband.

But I get her side too. A woman who has never had a job, who has been a housewife all her life, will never understand my side of the situation. We both seldom talk nowadays and do whatever each one wants to.

On the evening of Dhanteras, I arrived home early from work. I freshened up and the four of us did a small Pooja in the house.

The next evening, while my husband, Amit, and my father-in-law were out for a while, all my mother-in-law's friends from our colony came home to wish her a 'Happy Diwali'. The mother-in-law was happy to see them and welcomed them heartily with a platter of Diwali snacks, which she placed on the center table along with plates and spoons.

I was sitting nearby at the dining table with my laptop, doing my work.

Every year, at the onset of Diwali, my mother-in-law used to prepare the traditional Diwali sweets and namkeen by herself without fail, but since she was not keeping very well this time, Amit had already told her, "Please do not strain yourself by making the delicacies at home. This year, I will bring every item from the shops". So, he had prebooked an order with the most famous savories shop in the vicinity and bought all the authentic sweets and namkeen a day before.

But everyone immediately noticed that the snacks were not homemade.

Sandhya Aunty casually asked my mother-in-law, "Padma, didn't you make the savories at home this year?"

My mother-in-law responded by narrating about her poor health as the reason. Mohini Aunty promptly said, "So what! You could have asked your daughter-in-law to make them. What other tasks do these daughters-in-law have anyway? She could have done at least this much".

The group of ladies burst into laughter together to support Mohini Aunty's comment and my mother-in-law's face turned pale. Her expression was just like the one where she was expressing her discontent about my leave and work a day before. But she did not say a word; she simply smiled. I had a strong inkling that all these ladies would now gossip about me, and that is what happened. My mother-in-law is not a person who would talk rudely to other people. She is a quiet and peaceful woman, making her a soft target for subtle taunts by the group most of the time. She doesn't even feel bad about it and usually lets go of such remarks. However, I was not able to bear this discussion any further. I and my ilk were addressed as "these lazy, lousy girls of modern-day". The ladies had been excitedly chatting on this topic for about 10 minutes, and that's when my mother-in-law signaled me to bring some tea. Anyway, I was looking for an escape route out of the room and this served as a perfect excuse for me to get up from there.

While I was in the kitchen making tea, I could clearly hear the group's remarks about me. After a while, I had had enough. I ran out of patience. Now, along with the hot tea, the group was about to hear some crisp taunts as well from me. I stepped into the living room and was about to rebel with my words, just then ….

My mother-in-law stood up and said in a loud voice, "Enough of all this! All of you are sitting in my house on this auspicious day of Diwali, having our sweets and snacks, and yet speaking such harsh words for my beloved daughter-in-law! Do you all even know how hardworking she is? Do you know the level of high-ranking position she holds in her huge organization? Do you even know how much money she makes because of all her hard work and dedication? She struggles day and night in her job and is going up each day in her career. I will not tolerate my daughter-in-law's insults anymore. She is the 'Laxmi' of my house. If you pass another one of your comments about her, I will have to unapologetically ask you all to leave our house at once".

There was pin-drop silence following her statement.

Mohini Aunty now got a bit serious and said, "Oh Padma, we were just joking and having some fun. Why are you getting so angry about it? And what happened to you today? We have never heard you speak so loudly and rudely like this before!"

My mother-in-law calmed herself down and said, "Yesterday I was a little angry with my daughter-in-law. Even during the festivals, she does not take adequate leave. She keeps working all the time. Even at home, she always sits with her laptop on, doing something or the other. But today, as I heard you all speak ill about married girls like her, I realized that on Diwali, we only worship the Goddess Laxmi in the photo and condemn the daughters-in-law in our houses, who should actually be treated like Laxmi. This was just a glimpse, I am sure in so many households, the in-laws might be mistreating the daughters-in-law terribly, sometimes even to the extent of abusing and assaulting them.

Let me ask you all! A married girl is trying to thrive in her workplace, doing the best at her job; what's wrong with that? She is earning for my family, for the future of my household, to give better prospects to my son and would-be children. Why does that seem unacceptable to all of us? Isn't this the true meaning of being the 'Laxmi' of the household?".

Everyone seemed quite convinced by what my mother-in-law said and nodded silently, knowing that they had overdone it. But now, I could control my sobbing. My mother-in-law took the tray of tea from my hands and patted my back as she tried to console me. I wiped my tears and said, "Mummy Ji, you never enquired about my job, my work. I have always felt sad about it. I always thought that you do not value what I do. But your spontaneous reaction in my defense today has made me realize how much you love me. Maybe you wanted your daughter-in-law to be a very homely, traditional kind of girl, which I'm not. I am an urban girl with modern thinking who matches and dwells in the modern world we are living in. But I promise you today, I too will try to adapt a little more to our culture and traditions. I will try to live up to your basic expectations of me. And in a true sense, I will try to become the 'Laxmi' of this household".

All the ladies were also very happy to hear our conversation. They had realized their mistake of provocation, so none of them were upset with my mother-in-law's outburst. I happily served tea and sweets to everyone. All the bitterness in the atmosphere was now consumed by the sweetness of the tempting Diwali sweets.

When all the women were about to leave, I said, "There was good news, which I was going to tell Amit first, but now I feel like revealing it in front of everyone. This year I have been awarded the 'Best Performer' by my company and I will be getting a Diwali bonus worth Rupees 1.5 lakhs very soon. Upon hearing this, everyone was extremely happy for me and my family. I touched my mother-in-law's feet to take her blessings, and she fed me some sweets as a mark of auspiciousness.

Sandhya Aunty asked me, "So, when do we get a party?".

I replied with a 'yes', but also declared something, "Definitely Aunty, I will throw a grand party for all of you, but as soon as Diwali is over, I will take Mummy Ji for a trip somewhere abroad".

All the ladies cheered for me, wished me a lot of success in the future, and happily departed from our home, leaving me and Mummy Ji to celebrate Diwali together with a newfound meaning to our relationship.

This Diwali indeed became a very memorable one for me and gave me something very special. It left me with a renewed definition of old, faded relationships. After all, that is what festivals are celebrated for!

'Precious moments spent with the family and loved ones', that is the true essence of the festivities.