It's On Me

Where I come from, when we make a mistake that can cost us (whether financially or otherwise) we generally say, "It's On Me". That means, no matter the end result, we've made our bed, and we'll sleep in it.

However, there is one aspect of my life where a choice was made for me, and I have no choice but to sleep in the bed with a mangy animal. That would be when my husband chose to leave me at home, while he traveled to North Dakota for a new job opportunity.

I didn't go with Jeremy because we'd just had a 22' camper trailer bought for us by my Momma Beth, and we had no one to stay in the trailer until we could move it. On Sunday we talked, and everything was peachy keen. He promised to call on Monday but never did. Tuesday afternoon, I received the news of Jeremy's death. My question is: 

If I wasn't the one who made the decision, why am I the one who has to say, "It's On Me"?

No matter what, I will always love my husband, and when the time comes for me to leave this world, my soul will soar directly to my man. I just don't understand why I'm the one paying the price for a decision I did not make. If I had gone with him, I very much believe my husband would still be alive.