Counter Programming

Two days back was a Valentine’s day however everyone was talking about just one thing: Nikki Yadav murder by Sahil Gehlot and Sharaddha Walkar by Aftab Poonawala . And few boys and gals holding red roses on hands, because nothing says I love you like a flower. But given that everyone’s being all mushy, I have decided to go the other way and adopt a strategy that Hollywood calls counter-programming.

In fact I am also certain everyone else calls it counter-programming, but everything is cooler when you connect it to Hollywood (except Deepika Paducone’s Besharam Rang ).

Counter-programming is simple; everyone expects theatres to be full of romantic films like Pathan, oh! sorry I forgot it’s a action film actually, so I was expecting someone to release a horror movie to capture the audience that’s sick of romance. In summer, everyone expects action films, so I liked Drishyam 2 over Pathan a thriller indeed. Everyone expects Rahul Gandhi or Narendra Modi to be PM in 2024, so I am all set to move to a place called Sudan for better prospects

And so, in this season of nauseating love, I would like to counter-program my note with the exact opposite: religion. This is an exciting time in the world of religion. For starters, the Maha Shivratri is head-on. For the ignorant, the festival is celebrated for marriage of Maa Parvati and Bhagvan Shiva every year . It is celebrated by the largest number of Hindus from all over the world.

And the Maha Shivratri is like the shaadi, but with extra cheese. Over hundred crore people attend the marriage on this most auspicious day and visit the many Shiva-Parvati temples . Some have strong, unshakeable theological beliefs; most have DSLRs and cell phones and no work.

The Maha Shivratri brings us a variety of colourful images of a husband and wife which you never had your own . But people also celebrate Maha Shivratri for important spiritual rituals finding a good husband not like Gehlot and Poonawala .

In other religious news, the world was stunned this week when Bageshwar maharaj declared India as Hindu Rashtra, we must be grateful for his declaration and glittering career.

Seriously though, what happens next? It’s simple. 118 Cardinals of the church will gather in a conclave to vote on who should be the new Pope (rumours suggest he will have HD graphics and a better camera). What is important is that five of these cardinals are Indian, according to my sources at the Department for Finding Indian Connections To All Major News Stories.

The cardinals must agree on a candidate by two-third majority vote. At this point, it is unclear who the next real candidate is. Some people say Narendra Modi, but other factions insist Rahul Gandhi, Nitishe Kumar and Mamta Didi have a chance. In my last piece of news in this religious round-up, I would like to talk about the holiest event in centuries: I want to say is, Rekha, will you be my Valentine next year?