Calligraphy- Uncle Percy

Ink is officially my worst enemy. And art galleries too. They give people like Uncle Percy inspiration. Now that's not a bad thing, but when you follow the inspiration without precautions then it's a HUGE problem. Of course, that's what my uncle did. We went to an art gallery and saw a little something people like to call calligraphy. Uncle here thought he was a professional artist, and decided to do some once we got home. I'm gonna go pray for the sofa and recliners.

The art gallery in Baltimore is honestly a knock-off after you've seen the galleries in Milan and Paris. Not that I've seen them, but I bet they're beautiful. Anyway, we were walking around the gallery looking at all the 'art', and we came across a few quotes in calligraphy. Uncle was, of course, uninterested at first. Well, at least until aunt confiscated his phone. Then he had nothing to do but pass judgment on all the art. “Who let this guy become an artist?” “It took them ten years to paint a question mark? Jeez, that's a waste of time, paper, and paint!”

Once we got the uncle to stop giving out his 'constructive criticism' and were back to the calligraphy again, an uncle gave it a long, hard look. We all braced ourselves for another comment along with someone escorting us out of the place with a full refund so that we never come back again. To our surprise, he actually liked it! It was all he could talk about for the rest of the gallery. Damn that place really ruins standards. Imagine falling in love with a cringe Pinterest quote only because it's written beautifully.

On the drive home, uncle had his billionth epiphany. “I'm gonna learn to do calligraphy!” Aunt looked confused. “Calligraphy? Why? Don't you hate art?” “I did, but that beautiful gallery has really opened my eyes.” “Percy for god's sake-” “Hush, Maureen. I have achieved connection with my greater self after going to that gallery. I shall learn to calligraph, and I shall be great at it.” “ Uncle I hate to burst your bubble, but there are no calligraphy classes around us. Also, I don't think 'calligraph' is a real word,” Pepper said. “Oh, naive child, with such enlightenment, I am in no requirement of what you regular people call a 'class'. I shall connect with my newly discovered inner self and I will master this ancient art of writing.” Thankfully, we pulled into the driveway and this saintly talk had come to an end.

After the saint of our house had eaten his lunch and had an extremely long nap, he sat down to his saintly task of learning the skill of calligraphy. He began by opening the pot of ink and filling his pen up. The ink split all over his shirt and clothes. With quite a few un-saintly words, he mopped up the ink and started again. This time the pen was successfully filled with ink and the task had begun. He put the nib to the paper and began writing. The effect was, a leaking pen a stained piece of paper, and a string of more un-saintly words. 

One hour later, uncle's 'greater self' had taught him how to hold a pen and curse simultaneously. Not bad for one class right? By the time he figured out how to hold the pen, he was so tired he fell asleep on the blotted mess of ink. After he woke up, he felt that he had learnt enough for one class, and started to clean up his mess. Well, most of it. What he chose to ignore, was the ink everywhere. He slipped in it, and then sat down on the sofa. Well, at least now he's got a designated seat on the couch that no one else's gonna take. I think I should go find a good hiding place before aunt finds out and gets mad.