Broken Glass

The Ambulance rushed through the crowded streets, blaring its siren and the beacon flashing light furiously. The evening rush hour traffic added to its woes. The van towered over the sea of blinking red lights, with no way out. The driver, an expert at navigating his vehicle out of chaos, was trying his best to inch forward by turning the steering in all directions and honking continuously for the cars in the front to give them a way.

Inside the van the patient, twenty-five years old, Radhika was being administered IVS fluids by the paramedics, to keep her conscious. To stop her bleeding, they had tied a tourniquet around her wrists, and covered her with blankest for her to overcome her shock. Her mother Uma sitting beside them couldn't stop crying. She closed her eyes to pray to save her daughter. Her husband and son were following the ambulance in their car. She could see their worried faces through the glass and knew they too were praying for Radhika's life.

On reaching the hospital, she was rushed through the emergency for treatment. Uma sat down wearily on a bench and let her son and husband take over. What had made Radhika take her life? Why had she slit her wrists? What had compelled her to take this drastic step? all these questions were swirling in Uma's head.

The day had dawned as usual. Uma had got up early, like every day to make their breakfast, which on weekdays was basic eggs and fruit, followed by instant coffee for all. Shirish and she worked long hours; she as a HR head in a computer software company and Shirish had his own architectural practice. Aditya was studying to be an architect and Radhika was employed in a PR firm.

The morning, like all mornings, had gone in a flurry of activity, with all of them getting ready for the day and leaving within half an hour of each other with their tiffins in their bags. She had not noticed anything unusual about Radhika, that day. Yes, to be sure, Radhika was in a fragile bend of mind and Uma was keeping an unobtrusive but constant eye on her.

She had noticed that Radhika behaving strangely the last couple of months. Though the accident had occurred almost a year back, it had seemed that Radhika had got over it and was on the mend. Radhika had been engaged to her childhood sweetheart Aman for a year, before the accident. They were planning to get married after saving some money, as they wanted to host their own wedding. They were quite firm that they wanted a small intimate affair with only the close family and friends for the function. Both the set of parents had given in good naturedly and the happy occasion was being looked forward to.

But the tragedy had struck most unexpectedly and thrown their life askew. Radhika and Aman had gone to Lonavala with their friends for some weekend fun and a sort of last fling as singles before they tied the knot. It had been Aman's idea and Radhika was all for it as they had same set of friends. They were ten of them and were to go together in two hired cabs. But last-minute work at Aman's office had made them change the plan, with Radhika and Aman following them in his car after a few hours.

It was on the way back that the ghastly accident had occurred. A runaway truck had dashed into Aman's car from behind with so much force that the car had turned turtle and struck the road divider with so much force that the windshield and the bonnet had been totally crushed. He was killed on the spot and Radhika had suffered serious injuries to her spine and head. They had been informed by the friends and had rushed to the hospital. After some days, she had been shifted to a hospital in Mumbai, for further treatment.

But it had been a long road to recovery. Radhika had been operated twice for her spinal cord injury and had been in the ICU for almost a month. Nobody had dared to tell her about Aman, in those initial days. She had to be told eventually, when she became more and more persistent and insisted on knowing about him. Radhika had become hysterical on hearing the news and had to be forcibly calmed down by tranquillisers. The doctors had warned them that she will need tender and patient care for her to come out of this trauma and had advised them to take each day as it comes.

After a two month stay in the hospital, Radhika had been discharged and had come home, physically recovering but broken inside. It was heart wrenching to see her lying listlessly on the bed, lost in her own thoughts. She had to be coaxed into eating and the family rallied around by cooking her favourite dishes so that she could gain her strength back earliest.

Being young and resilient, Radhika soon got on her feet. To Uma's dismay, her young effervescent daughter had changed into a quiet one, speaking only when spoken to and wanting only to be by herself. She and Shirish had thought with time, she will bounce back and things will come back to normal. How wrong and short-sighted they had been!

"Hey, let's go for a movie tomorrow." She heard her daughter talking to her friend on phone. Breaking into a weak smile, she heaved a sigh of relief. 

"Oh yes, why not lunch too? Haven't been out for a long time." Uma was slightly puzzled at Radhika's tone and voice.It was shrill, like a baby's. She felt a slight sense of unease, but dismissed it, not giving it a second thought; she was happy that Radhika was returning to her old self. So, she was intrigued when she saw Radhika at home instead of being out.

"Aren't you going out today? I heard you make some plans yesterday?" Uma asked aradhika when she saw her lounging around, and was taken aback when Radhika denied of making any such plan and had no recall whatsoever of talking to a friend.

"Of course not , Mom. I am at home today. I never spoke with anyone. Whom are you talking about?" Radhika retorted. "Mom, you are getting old. Imagining things," Radhika teased. Uma was stunned. She felt a spasm of fear go through her. 

Radhika had always been an avid reader and occasionally penned some poems. Post-accident, Uma to her utter amazement, saw Radhika making beautiful water colour landscapes, blending and shading done as if by a seasoned artist. Radhika hummed to herself while painting and her face reflected happiness. Uma was relieved that Radhika had picked up a hobby. 

Few days after the movie incident, another jolt hit Uma.

"Mom, since when have you started painting?" Radhika asked. Uma looked at her in bewilderment. "What? Don't look at me like that. See these paintings. They are such beautiful landscapes. You never mentioned that you are going for art classes?" Uma stared at her. Fear settled permanently in her mind.

Radhika had changed into a different person. Sometimes her usual self, reading and helping her in the kitchen; sometimes so distant and stranger like, her gaze unrecognising that Uma felt a sliver of fear. She had severe mood changes within a day. Happy and painting in the morning, she would suddenly retreat in her world and mope around the house. By the evening, she would be singing in a different voice, songs which they had never heard her sing before. It was as baffling as fish flying in the air.

One morning.....

"Whattttt is this? Aloo bhindi (okra-potatoes ) again??? Why, Ma? I am fed up of having this. Can't you think of something else?" Radhika screamed.Her eyes were livid. Her face contorted with rage. She stalked out angrily. Uma stared after her. Her daughter, her docile, sweet tempered daughter had turned into something else. She had never seen Radhika like this, and for something so trivial.Radhika had also taken to throwing violent tantrums, and would not answer Uma's calls. 

Uma was getting worried by the day. Sometimes, Radhika would be quiet, uncommunicative and aloof. It was as if she would be shrouded by heavy mist, which none could penetrate. She feared that Radhika would harm herself when in this mood and hovered around her, protectively. Uma was getting more and more perturbed but was at a loss on how to deal with this new Radhika. 

The accident had taken a toll not only on Radhika but even her family. They never knew which Radhika they would see in front of them, at any given time. All three of them had taken to treading carefully around her lest her violent bouts triggered off. But the most disturbing aspect was that Radhika had no recollection of her vicious angry outbursts, after she had calmed down. She would give them disbelieving looks and be horrified that she could be accused of being aggressive.

Though Radhika had re-joined her office, she had no recollection of the accident and Aman's death. Her colleagues also rallied around and avoided talking about Aman and that fateful day. She never asked about him. Initially, Uma and Shirish thought that once the shock wears off, she would be curious to know the details. But that never happened. She took to her routine of pre accident days and they had let the sleeping dogs lie.

Which had turned out to be their biggest mistake, Uma mused now. They should have heard the warning bells, especially when she had once caught Radhika with a bottle of sleeping pills and had been fobbed off with some lame excuse of having trouble falling to sleep and so had bought them, just in case. Why had she not questioned her motives then? When had Radhika decided to end her life? Or was it just a cry of help?

Shirish and Aditya joined her on the bench, haggard and tired. The doctors were attending to her and though she had lost a lot of blood, she would survive. Uma sent heartfelt gratitude thankyou to God and vowed to take care of Radhika, whatever it takes.

The doctor soon summoned them to his cabin.

"I have examined Radhika. She will be fine eventually," he said, seeing their worried looks. "This being a suicide case, we had to inform the police. I am sorry. But don't worry, when they come to know what she is suffering from, they will understand."

On seeing their uncomprehending looks, the Doctor continued gently, "Radhika is displaying classic symptoms of DID, ie, Dissociative Identity Disorder. This condition is brought about by extreme trauma a patient has suffered, like in Radhika's case, losing her fiancé in that horrific accident.She is still in shock and has dealt by detaching herself from her memories." Seeing Uma's crumpled face, he said, "Don't balme yourselves. Every person deals with their grief, their sorrow, in their own way. That is the beauty of us humans. We are so similar yet so different. In Radhika's case, she has regressed in time, before the accident happened;....her trauma has triggered off stress-related reactions in her brain and different personalities have emerged out.

He continued, "My advice is along with her treatment here, also show her to a therapist, who would suggest a line of treatment for Radhika to recover her 'memories' and retrieve her past." He warned, "She may also be referred to a hypnotist. It was a long arduous journey ahead, but with treatment she had a chance of living a normal life." He smiled, "Don't look so worried; with love and understanding, we will get our Radhika back. Just be patient and take one step at a time."

 Uma and Shirish exchanged a relieved look, now at least they knew the cause of Radhika's behavioural change. They thanked the Doctor profusely, happy that their Radhika is in good hands. They had finally got a direction and knew the path they would have to walk on.As they walked towards Radhika's room, Uma felt a spring in her step and striding through the corridor she saw a window slightly open and the early morning sun rays peeping in like a silver lining, as if to say that tomorrow is another day and will bring forth joy and happy tidings.