Borderline Personality Disorder

 “Amma, I am taking Swathi out to get her some books....gifts for her birthday. We shall then perhaps go to a restaurant and have some ice cream and should be back in a couple of hours,” said Ravi putting on his shoes.

“Go carefully,” said Seetha. “Appa and I are planning to go to Tanishq tomorrow evening to get her a pair of ear drops. I caught her admiring those in a magazine sometime back.”

Swathi came down the stairs and bidding her mother a ‘bye’ with a peck on her plump cheek, followed Ravi.

Ravi had wanted to talk to Swathi and this provided a good opportunity.

The “Book Point” was a few blocks away from the restaurant and they made a beeline to the book store first.

“It’s for your birthday Swathi. You can select five books. I shall go to the Cards Section and get some gift wrappers too. One of my colleagues is celebrating his second wedding anniversary and I want to pick up some gift for the couple,” Ravi told her.

The shop had a lot of beautiful gift items.

After making their purchases they entered the restaurant.

The place was not very crowded and they occupied the table with two chairs in one corner...a really secluded spot.

“Two plates of Kaju pakodas and two large cups of ice cream. One chocolate and one strawberry,“ Ravi told the bearer and turned towards Swathi after the uniformed boy had taken the order and left

Nothing like coming straight to the point, Ravi thought and asked Swathi,

“Now.What is the matter between you and Sandeep? I have not asked him anything so far and decided I shall talk to you first.”

Swathi was silent.

“Look here Swathi. Did you both have a fight?”

She heaved a big sigh from the deep recesses of her heart. She spoke soon, softly but with a broken voice.

“No Ravi. He seems to be avoiding me I don’t know why! He does not pick up the phone when I call him. I have been making so many calls. This morning I decided that I will not call him anymore. If he wants to talk, let him call me,” there were unshed tears in her eyes.

“Well. I shall confront him tomorrow and ask him for the reason. He has been avoiding me in the office. Every time I go to his seat, he seems to be missing. I don’t wish people to talk and create any room for gossip. I have stopped going to his seat. Now forget all this and have your pakodas hot. May be the ice cream will help you cool down too and stop worrying. Ultimately it may turn out to be something very frivolous!“

 Ravi smiled at her, reached out his hand and pressed her fingers.

The action spoke a hundred words.

Swathi experienced a new surge of life and she dug into the ice cream.

She had confidence in her brother.

Sandeep and Ravi were childhood schoolmates. After schooling they joined IIT together and fortunately landed up in the same office. Sandeep’s parents were based in Delhi and came to Chennai once in a while and had formed a distinct bondage with Ravi’s parents.

When Sandeep got a job in the big MNC, his parents had come down to help him fix up an apartment, not very far from Ravi’s home.

Sandeep was a regular visitor at Ravi’s home.

Seetha adored this young fellow and both Seetha and her husband Rajsekhar tried to make him feel at home.

Sandeep’s parents liked Swathi and made indirect comments, presuming her as their future daughter in law.

Seetha and Rajsekhar were only too pleased.

 Swathi liked Sandeep a lot. They had seen each other now for years and there was a special bondage- deep friendship- between them. The friendship blossomed into feelings of love.

It was a foregone conclusion that Swathi and Sandeep would be getting married once Swathi graduated. Swathi had no great ambitions of a big career and was interested in creating outfits for kids and was very imaginative. She had made some lovely dresses for her friends’ and relatives’ kids. She loved reading and was passionate about cooking. The latter art was something inherited from her mother. Both mother and daughter turned out delicious stuff from the kitchen and Swathi’s relatives and friends would tease her about her becoming a “chef” in her in- laws’ home and she did not mind it.

She collected cookery books and dabbled in French, Italian and Greek Cooking and had a collection of other recipes.

She, Ravi and Sandeep had gone to the new apartment and she was gushing over it. She loved the Golden Shower tree outside the bedroom window with those wonderful flowers which blossomed in April and held on till almost August.

Sandeep had whispered to her that he was buying a new cooking range with a built-in oven and showed her the place he had allotted for it in the huge kitchen. She was looking forward to settling in that beautiful apartment.

But now, things seemed to have gone awry.

What had happened?

She could not surmise.

Sandeep seemed to be avoiding her.

The siblings made their way home.

Ravi looked up as a shadow fell across the file he was going through.

It was Sandeep.

“Hello Sandeep! Just the person I had wanted to meet. I came to your seat but you had gone out...probably to the boss’s room for that meeting. Come sit. It’s more than a week since we had a heart to heart chat! You seemed busy too.”

Sandeep gave a vague smile as he talked..

“Shall we go out for lunch this afternoon? I wish to talk to you.”

“Sure Sandeep I have been wanting to talk to you too. “ Ravi said as he closed the file.

“I wish you would talk about Swathi. I can’t bear to see that kid looking so woebegone” he told himself without uttering a word.

Ravi could concentrate on work no more. He was wishing that lunch hour would speed up..

How strange!!

Swathi was very close to his heart even when she was a toddler and cried for silly things; he would feel terribly upset for her sake. He just doted on her.

When he discovered that Swathi and Sandeep cared for each other, no one was happier than he! Sandeep was a great “chap”. The boy had no vices and was always filled with a fine sense of humour. He felt that Swathi could not have bargained for a better life-partner.

The restaurant was rather empty. People were yet to come in for lunch.

Ravi and Sandeep had come a few minutes early as they wished to occupy the last table that was in the corner of the huge dining hall.

“It will take another fifteen minutes for the food to be ready Sir” the manager smiled at Ravi.

“That’s fine. Just get us some chilled watermelon juice and we shall wait. Bring us two Thaalis when the food is ready,“ Ravi said.

The manager had a look of relief on his face at the thought that they were prepared to wait, and trotted towards the kitchen smiling.

Ravi looked at Sandeep expectantly.

“You said there was something you wished to talk about. Tell me Sandeep. I am all ears,“ he said encouragingly.

Sandeep sighed deeply.

“Ravi, you and I have been friends for more than a decade now. There’s nothing I have kept from you. I love Swathi and am ready to marry her even today. If only these damn exams were not there and she is very keen on finishing her course. I care two hoots for any degree Ravi and you know that. “

Ravi maintained silence and allowed Sandeep to speak. Thank God, he still loves Swathi, he thought.

“Well, I had come home a week ago with the intention of taking Swathi out for shopping. You had flown to Delhi and were not expected for two days. We had gone through some mags and she had spotted a particular cooking range with baking facility and I came to know that a huge shop dealing in Home Appliances had models of those. I was planning to take Swathi there that evening so that she could make her colour selection and I could place the order and have it delivered to my apartment next month. I also wanted to take her to the jewellers to select a ring for her birthday. With these thoughts in mind, I came to your place. Aunty was in the sitting room talking busily to someone on the phone and by signs told me that Swathi was in her room. I went up to her room silently to spring a surprise on her. Good thing it was.”

Sandeep took a sip of the chilled juice that had been placed in front of him and continued.

“Yes. It was a good thing I went and peeped into her room silently. I found her seated on the bed...luckily she was seated facing the window and could not see my reflection in the hand mirror she was holding. She was gazing into the mirror making weird faces and this went on and on for about some twenty or thirty seconds. There was no smile on her face...just these odd expressions. She was so intent! I came down the steps shocked!! Aunty was still on the phone and I went back quietly.

Aunty must have told her that I had come and Swathi was trying me on the phone. I did not pick it up. I was in a terrible state of mind... shocked and worried like hell.”

He had another sip from the tall glass and mopped his forehead. He had broken out into a sweat even in that air-conditioned room.

He continued.

“I am worried Ravi. I think you are all unaware of this. I feel like holding her hands and driving away whatever it is that is bothering her. Something had happened to her.”

A mild smile spread on Ravi’s face but he prudently decided not to intervene and waited for Sandeep to speak.

Sandeep continued.

“I avoided meeting you or talking to you. Then I rang up Wilfred...you remember him, don’t you? He was our senior in school and did his medicine and went to London and is a Doctor there? You know that I am still in touch with him. His very close colleague is a well knows Psychiatrist there who is in India right now. In fact he is here in our city and is flying back to London in a couple of days. Wilfred said he would call him immediately and I was to look him up and talk to him about Swathi. So I went to see him last evening. Aw! Ravi...he was so compassionate and talked to me for an hour and said that there was nothing to worry.

He said that this was a very mild syndrome and nothing to worry. It is called Mirror Gazing. It is also called Borderline Personality Disorder and can be cured very easily.”In philosophical and psychiatric accounts alike ,it has been claimed that Mirror Gazing is like looking at others like ourselves...” you know...imagining etc. Leave her alone and it will go by itself once Swathi gets busy...you know what a big relief it was!!! Oh God! I am planning to go to Thirupathi on Saturday and offer my prayers.”

Ravi could hold himself no more.

He started laughing ...a continuous paroxysm of laughter, leaving Sandeep open-mouthed.

He stopped, wiped his eyes off those happy tears and addressed Sandeep.

“You said that Swathi was making faces. Was she doing something like this?”

He pursed his lips as if he was uttering the letter ‘Q’ , held it for a few seconds and then proceeded to bring back his lips and stretch them across his cheeks as is saying ‘X’, He did this a few times.

“Was she doing this?” he asked Ravi who was gazing at him open mouthed.

 “Ha ha ha!! Mirror Gazing! Borderline Personality Disorder...the Psychiatrist told you did he? Well, listen to me you dear idiot...she was just doing some facial exercises to prevent wrinkles appearing on her face. My mom gets books from a lending library twice a week and that guy brings four books at a time. One of them is a foreign magazine...”Woman’s Home “or some such thing. In an issue, I think it was last month’s...there was an interview with a seventy year old Hollywood actress who still looks absolutely ravishing and young!! She had talked about the secret of her wrinkle-free face and neck attributing it to doing this exercise twice a day! The secret of her glowing taut face and skin and mind you, no plastic surgery as people think! Swathi was so excited reading this and read this out to my mom who laughed and told her “Okay girl...it is all very well. But do this when there is nobody in your room watching you!! People will think you have gone crazy or loony!!”

Sandeep looked at Ravi with a sheepish smile.

Ravi laughed loud again and kept poking fun at Sandeep!

“Ha ha ha !! What did the Psychiatrist say? Mirror Gazing? Border-line Personality Disorder? Ha ha ha !! Gosh!! “

The thalis were brought at this juncture and of course it goes without saying that the food tasted doubly good.

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