I Don't Love You

If mentally screaming this a million times makes me believe it,

Then that's what I'll do.

Why, you ask, do I run away from it?

I'm scared of the guilt that will obliterate me if I admit.

No, I shouldn't be guilty for loving who you are.

It's the omission of denying it, the very first time,

That has left me with this never healing scar.

The second you step in my mind, my heart forgets to beat.

I try not to feel anything, but unfortunate accidents I meet.

Like when you look at her, only to impact me.

Yes, you succeed. But that, I cannot let you see.

You know I'm fighting myself,

And you want me to give up and let love win.

Oh, forgive me, I can't afford the regret.

I can't afford to give in.

How will I answer why I've been denying it for eternities?

I was horrified of how neither my past

Nor my future could offer me certainties.

My foolishness, annihilated everything

That could have been the rise to a love so powerful.

I let barren prior implantation,

A land that could've proven to be so flowerful.