Zero Point... The Beginning Of A New Life

"In the early thirties when you are married, have kids and had gone through a divorce..it means an end to the world in our society for girls. People looked upon me with an absolute different expression that made me realise How dare I did not live by"Until death do us part!"...The friends, relatives and neighbours gave me a nasty look when I returned to my parents, questions and comments poured in for which I had no answers, "what happened actually?" Did you guys no talk over it?" Did no elder of the family help to settle the matter?'"Do you know what your future would be now?" Do you have any idea what effect will it have on your child?" The burning splints of every question itched my heart, seriously did they think I have never tried anything to keep up to the marriage all these years!! Taking this decision was very difficult especially when we have a child who was 5 years and this could devastate his mental stability, since the two people he loved the most did not love each other anymore. Divorce is taboo for girls in our society. I initially thought it to be my failure. It had broken me down so much so that I could not take proper care of my son. I no longer had a house to live in except for my parents' and when you see the mistrust in their eyes when they would point at your flaws taking the side of your ex, one is devastated.

The routine had changed and financially I was unstable. I never did a job before or after I was married, in a reserved family like mine I completed my graduation but was never allowed to work outside, my in-laws, husband and child was my world, no purpose in life, doing the daily chores had been the part of my life, no entertainment, just working on the orders and the will of my husband as I had been taught always. Now I was l left alone with my child to take care of. I had not known anything about alimony and no one supported me for my divorce when my husband literally begs of me to be divorced mutually. I was taught to listen to the orders of my husband and inlaws (even if they were wrong!).

With age drooping on my parents they had started to think about how could they take care of me and my child. They had invested all their savings in my marriage, the luxurious gifts and pompous marriage that was held left them bankrupted. Above that now I had a child to take care of, his living, education, food, dress, recreation etc all need to be taken care of. I had never been independent to look after a family and child, hence when the situation came up it felt like heaven broke down on me.

Firstly I needed a job that can mentally and financially stabilize me. I applied for jobs in nearby schools, which was the most I could do to earn. I didn't have great degrees though my grades were high, but getting a job at this age, that too without experience was challenging. Few friendly ideas came up, open a boutique, a cafe etc, but where am I suppose to get the principal amount from?

I hoped things would change with the passage of time, if I get a job, people would stop their gossips but they increased continuously. I somehow managed to crack an interview in a kinder garden, but the salary was too less to be able to fulfil the requirements completely. I had thought at least in school the time spent would help me to overcome the panic of the situation and also earn something as something is always better than nothing. However, in school I could not avoid when they asked about me getting married and when I let them know I was "abandoned"-that's what many people thought, in other words, divorced, few would take deep interest to know about it...seems like I had to serve them desserts with cherry toppings. Neighbours still spoke and filled in my mother's ears when I was not home with a certain amount of fragile character I might have due to which my husband was not ready to stay with me. I was unable to balance anything. Whatever it may be I was the hot topic. Everything together shattered me. I just wanted to flee from the situation, a way to someplace, where I would not be turmoiled.

There was no purpose in life, I thought without a male guardian how would I manage everything, I had never been to banks, post office or electricity office ever and would not know how to deal with them. Hence staying at my parent's place was only an option, I could not move to some other place and start a new life, there is always a fear for women alone, especially when you have a child ....things do not work as you will. Going out of the house into the world was challenging for me.

And then I came across this postcard. I was clearing some trash one day and happened to find few postcards of different places in the country, I had this hobby of collecting postcards as a child, I dreamt of visiting places across the globe. A tinge of happiness waved across my heart and I smiled...

Time went by, the train halted with a screech at the station of New Jalpaiguri in the morning...I had already booked a cab through a travel agency and they had arranged for the state permit too. My destination was the place I had always wanted to visit, Sikkim, Zero points!!

The journey from New Jalpaiguri to Gangtok was exhaustive. A full 5-6 hours journey strained all the energy that I had contained. But the scenic beauty and the soothing climate covered up for most of the exhaustion. The small state of Sikkim in the lap of the majestic Kanchenjunga was mystical. The waterfalls in between were magical and seemed to be pouring out of the heaven somewhere. The tinkling sound of the water, the crystal clear water would fill up one's mood with happiness. When the sunlight fell on the millions and millions of droplets of the water it sparkled like millions of diamonds crushing themselves from a gigantic diamond structure.

The roads were topsy and turvy, swirling the mountains to reach an elevation higher. On reaching Gangtok, I had no strength left for dinner but my eyes were heavy.....and when they had shut down in the homestay that was booked for me I would not know.

My eyes open with the rise of the dawn, a thin beam of golden sun rays peeping through the slit of the window, sweeping my face, it was very cold outside and it could be felt by the gush of air entering through the small slit which drilled my bones as I tried to get off my bed. It was the start of falls but the chills in the weather sprang up the goosebumps.

I had hired a taxi to take a look around in the city of Gangtok, I had a 1 day and 2 nights stay in Gangtok. Before boarding the taxi I had a good appetite to start my next endeavour of sightseeing.

Driving through the roads of this marvellous city the seven sisters falls was one of the spectacular ones. The unique creativity of nature and the malignant beauty of the place blends to give the awe-inspiring experience here. The snow-capped peaks of Mount Kanchenjunga when wrapped in the glittering golden belt of the rising sun made me think the door to heaven is in here.

The still silence near BanJhakri Falls reigned the nature the only sounds were the powerful gushing of the water. The Tashi viewpoint giving the startling view of the entire grand Himalayan mountain range, a viewpoint that left me awestruck when I saw the setting of the sun giving the look of an elegant royalty.As if the King is getting ready in his emeralds, turquoise, gold, diamonds and various precious stones that sparkled vibrantly.

The memories were not only captured in the camera but seemed everlasting in the camera of my eyes.

The next day was a tour to the beautiful Lachung in the lap of the mountains. Early morning my tour agency had sent me the cab for the trip. The distance of almost 120 kilometres was covered nearly in 5 hours. The winding roads, the snowy mountains, the beautiful picturesque could not leave me in a moment of boredom. I was in the lap of nature, away from criticism, the hustle of life, the panics, turmoils, remorse, an essence of freedom that touched my heart after long.

The tour agency had arranged everything for me. The hotel balcony had a beautiful scenic view. The small less inhabited village within the mountain range was beyond imagination. As long as my sight would permit the snowy mountains came up.

From Lachung to Yumthang valley away from the beautiful village to the valley of flowers was the next stop within a distance of 1.5 hours and nothing else could have filled me with pleasure than see the great mountains piercing through the sky giving a way through to heaven and the bracelets of snow wrapping up everything as if to protect the land. On both, sides of the roads the young, varieties of colour carpets of the little state flowers rhododendrons, grazing pastures, rolling meadows, yaks grazing on them filled the environment with peace.

The final stop that I long-awaited was the next one. After 3 days and 3 nights, I was finally about to visit the place where civilian entrance ends at an elevation of more than 15000 feet above sea level lay the magical pass in the border of India and China. The permit that was required was already taken care of by my tour agency. The clear stream flowed along...the place had been covered with snow so much so that there was no space to fill it up with greenery. A chill ran down my veins, was I really there, the place I had dreamt of .....

I took a deep breath extending my hands on both sides and released it slowly...as if I was releasing my remorse, turmoils, repairs, disdain and all that had hurt me all these years, every feeling that made me realise my failures started draining away, I looked at the torques coloured sky which too extended its arms towards me to embarrass me and take me up to present me an everlasting peace...This was Zero points...a beginning to my next life...

You all might assume this woman is pretty selfish, leaving a child somewhere...suffered a divorce and now spending a vacation in Sikkim all alone....and there would even be people who would be quizzical about the fact...was I really alone or with someone else?

Maybe I had rearranged my life.....others would look down at me with frowning eyebrows....why did you then take custody of your child if you cannot raise him and go for a vacation without him.....keep thinking! For I have no answers to their useless questions..for if I had not taken the step that day to reach the Zero point, I would have never regained my self-confidence, my self-esteem, I could have never known what I am capable of, what is the purpose of my life. Since I shared my experience of how I started living a fruitful life, helping others to attend happiness, counselling them, helping them bounce if they have suffered from a divorce. My journey to Zero points was a purpose..a purpose that I needed to find. which I had not to experience if I wouldn't have been there. Embracing nature at Zero points was a boon for me, a relief of stress as if I had been waiting for this moment to be in sync with nature, the Almighty.

Today I get respect as a lecturer, counsellor, motivator, public speaker...this wouldn't have been possible without experiencing the day until I would have understood the purpose of my life..."A 49 years old Anita Ma'am seemed a little lost in her memories ..but never less it was really a beautiful experience that she shared..the students were so engrossed in her story that they did not hear the bell ring and the next period was about to start. Mr Nath coughed a little seeking the attention of his presence and that the next period has begun.

Anita ma'am picked her bag and books and raised them to leave with a smile on her face. When a student questioned...."Ma'am, how did you know this was your purpose?"Anita smiled and said"The Almighty made me realise that....." and she walked away from the class.