Travails Of AC Non-Technician!

My then-present personal landline number once belonged to an AC service company. Some of the digital yellow pages still listed my number under Air Conditioner Service section. So I frequently received calls from people who wanted to engage my services. This had been going on for almost an year now. And I always politely informed them that they had the wrong number. Yet, some of the conversations did not fail to amuse me when people asked me the wrong questions or didn’t know what to say after I answered the call. These calls gave me the opportunity to have funny conversations with total strangers without the risk of revealing my identity. Actually, very few people who called me up actually asked if it was the AC service company first. The rest just started the conversation directly assuming that I was the AC mechanic!

Here’s the transcript of some of the calls I received and how people started the conversation without any preliminary introduction or whatsoever.

Call #1:

Person at the other end: I want to service my AC. Can I get it done?

Me: Yeah, go right ahead. No need to ask me for permission. It's your AC after all. By the way, it is the wrong number.

Call #2:

Person at the other end: I have two window ACs and one split AC.

Me: Superb. Thanks for sharing this intimate fact. You are richer than 95% people of this planet. I have a couple of split ACs myself. By the way, it is the wrong number.

Call #3:

Person at the other end: I need an AC service. When can you come?

Me: I can come anytime. However, before I come over please call the AC mechanic as well. I don't even know how to open the AC. I am not a mechanic, sorry to say.

Call #4:

Person at the other end: I live in 1^st Cross Street of Malar Colony in Anna Nagar. How much will you charge to come there?

Me: Just petrol charge. But why should I come there? I don't even know you.

Person at the other end: You service air conditioners, right?

Me: You should have asked that first, right? Don't give your address to strangers. Didn’t your mom teach you that?

Call #5:

Person at the other end: My AC has not been working for the last couple of days. I don't know what really happened.

Me: My sincere condolences for your AC. May God give you the strength to move on and bear this loss. Get another AC. Better still; get the right number for the AC mechanic.

Call #6:

Person at the other end: Sir, I have a window AC but it is not cooling the room sufficiently. What can I do?

Me: Get it serviced by a good AC mechanic.

Person at the other end: Yes Sir, I called you regarding that.

Me: I am sorry sir, but I am not a good mechanic. I am the worst. In fact, I passed the diploma by paying a bribe. So don't get your AC serviced by me. And don't tell what I said to anyone else. It will affect my business.

Call #7:

Person at the other end: Sir, can you come this afternoon to service my AC?

Me: I can't.

Person at the other end: How about tomorrow?

Me: I cannot come at all.

Person at the other end: Why?

Me: Because I am not an AC mechanic.

Person at the other end: But your number was recommended by digital yellow pages?

Me: Yes, I know. They seem to have a lot of trust in my skills and care for me, but they need to think logically too. I don't know how to service the AC. Please explain that to them. And please deal with them softly so that they don’t break down in emotion.

After a year of painful amusement with such calls, I finally disconnected the landline. And there ended my travails of being a AC non-technician.