There's Always A Spoke...
There's Always A Spoke...


"When the going gets tough, the tough get going", Shibani had heard this saying many times. She had never given it a second thought, till the circumstances conspired against her.
She pushed back her chair and got up reluctantly. No time to sit and stare. She had chores to do. Peeping into her bedroom, she saw Satish was still asleep. Sighing, she quietly went to the kitchen to make his tea. Arranging some biscuits on a plate in a tray, she poured out the tea in a cup after adding milk and sugar to it. Carrying the tray to their room, she kept it gently on their bedside table. Satish was snoring lightly. She stood there for a minute, looking down at him. Seeing him asleep, it was hard to tell that he was not well; that he was slowly receding into himself and locking out the outside world.
They had been married for thirty-five years. Theirs had been a happy union, with the inevitable setbacks which they had ridden successfully. Life had been a bed of roses, with the usual thorns thrown in. But then, life is never perfect, is it? She had a lot to be thankful for, and she knew it. No complaints there.
Satish had had a good job. She too had been gainfully employed as a research assistant for a market research firm. She worked part-time, so that she could be around the children in their growing up years. It was by choice. Though she didn't earn much, but she was happy; she could do justice to both her roles, that of satisfying her self-esteem and also as a mother. Doing a job kept her intellectually alive; she had always been a bright student and had looked forward to a career. Satish also had supported her decision to work and she had finally taken a call herself to work part-time as she wanted the best of both the worlds. All in all, it was a win- win situation for her.
She knew, she had struck gold in Satish; she had heard enough stories of her friends and colleagues, who had no support of their husbands or families and had to leave their well-paying jobs to sit at home, against their wishes. Satish was a refreshing change. He too believed in that to make others happy, you need to be happy first. So, he supported her in her choices and together ran a happy ship.
Years flew by. Satish did well in his career and children grew up without seeing much turbulence. She, being good in her work, her firm agreed to all her conditions and peace prevailed in Kumars' abode.
Their son, Aditya chose to be a doctor and daughter, Antara studied law. Both were working professionals. Aditya was married and had a son and a daughter. He lived nearby and often dropped in with his family. His wife, Naina was a dentist and had a clinic in their garage. So she was always available for their young grandson. They had a live-in nanny and, on most days, Atharv and Amruta came home to play and spend the day with them.
Antara had married a lawyer, her college friend. They too were in the same city, though not that nearby. Weekend visits and day full of fun was a given with both the children coming home for 'mom-cooked' meals.
Life, in short was cruising along happily with all milestones enjoyed by both of them. Even their respective retirements were celebrated with lot of cheer and they had looked forward to spending time travelling, enjoying their grandchildren and having their own space back.
Some years back….
But then, as they say, man proposes and ……. ; just when things couldn't have been better, lightning struck! It all started incongruously enough. He started misplacing things, like his keys, his wallet and sometimes even his phone. They laughed it off. She got exasperated most of the time, as not a single day passed when they both were not looking for one of his things. Not giving it a second thought, she berated him many times for being absent minded. Then he started forgetting names -of distant relatives, neighbours, but even then, warning bell did not ring in either of their minds. How could it? He had been a man of numbers, a Chartered Accountant, retired as a CFO of a reputed finance firm.
Initially she always brushed his forgetfulness aside, maybe a preoccupied mind….still to get over his retirement, maybe. She knew men have it tougher ( retirement blues- as they call it)than women. But it dawned on her that things were definitely not normal the day Satish came home from his morning walk, looking ill at ease and upset. On enquiring why he had taken so long to return, he gave her a puzzled look.
"I just couldn't remember where we stay. Our address. My mind went blank."
Both had looked at each other terrified. They were intelligent enough to understand that this is not normal. Then she had begun to join the dots. His ringing the front door bell after his walk, in spite of carrying his set of keys. His losing interest in watching the current (read: political) news on TV, something he never missed for anything in the world, even if the house was full of children and laughter. Hi
s reluctance to water the plants- a job he loved doing. His fumbling for lyrics -he was a good singer and loved singing old Mohmmad Rafi songs- now he used to struggle to sing even two lines without help.
Things soon turned dark enough. Aditya and Antara were told. Aditya recommended a good neurologist. Tests followed…CT scans, MRIs …. nothing made sense….! Diagnosis arrived at - Alzheimer's. Their world came crashing down around them. Doctors were reassuring but grave. It had struck very early-he was considered still young to have been afflicted by it- but correct medication would help to keep it under control.
It was as if time had stood still. It was difficult to grasp that their entire life was going to change. Their plans for future now nothing but sawdust. Their dream of seeing the world now only a dream!
Life style changes occurred. His wallet now had a folded note, with his and their names; their contact numbers written in bold. He was to avoid going out alone. He was made to take supplements. The doctors advised him to solve puzzles, do mental activity; to keep his mind and brain in working condition. The pace of life slowed.
They tried to lead a life as 'normal' a possible. Fun, games and laughter continued when the family got together. But Satish was slowly receding from them all. It broke her heart to see his vague looks and vacant smile…
Now…
Thank God, Satish had seen their children settled in their careers and life before this condition set in. Yes, he was now distant from his grandchildren (Antara was expecting), who were growing up fast; but then, they remembered their loving 'aba' from their childhood days and were protective of him now.
"Satish, wake up! time for tea, "she shook him awake. Satish opened his eyes slowly and gave her an unknowing look. She waited. The disoriented look faded from his eyes and he smiled, a happy smile of a child on seeing his mother. Yes, that is what she had become-his mother! Sometimes, if she was lucky, he remembered her -Shibu, his wife. But, increasingly, now it was the smile of the innocent-vague, a smile which said, 'I -know-you-but-can't-place-you'.
She had got used to it by now. At first, she had cried to herself in the bathroom, away from him. She had cried for the present, she had cried for what -could -have-been, she had cried for the opportunities lost, she had cried for the glorious future lost. Just when the time had come to live for themselves after finishing all the responsibilities, to be with friends or to just enjoy each other's company, their life had taken a blind turn and they had found themselves grappling with the unforeseen.
Satish sat up slowly and extended his hand for tea. Picking a biscuit, he dipped it into his tea and took a bite. He loved having his biscuit like that. She wondered about that. He had not forgotten this-such a trivial thing according to her- but he had forgotten his childrens' names, his favourite game-chess! and his friends. Mercifully, she was still hovering somewhere on the horizon of his memory.
"Shibu?" she heard Satish calling out her name softly. Jolted out of her reverie, she saw Satish had opened the door of their room and was beckoning her to the veranda. He was smiling and his face was awash with love. She turned and walked up to him. "Come, Shibu, let's sit outside." He took her hand and led her out. He waited till she was comfortable in her chair before flopping down on his. They sat in compatible silence. She looked at him askance, he was like the olden days, alert, happy and fully in his senses. Just as the doctor had predicted, he was perfectly fine one moment and lost in his world the next. She had to make most of the time when he was mentally and physically with her. Sometimes she was Shibu, sometimes not. But then, when did they ever say life was fair? She had learnt soon enough to count her blessings- their happy years together, their wonderful loving children, their financially settled life and their memories.
She knew it was going to be a lonely and rugged road ahead. But then, when was anything ever given on a platter? To anyone? There's always a spoke in the wheel. It was now up to her to make the lemonade out of lemons given to her by life.
Her plethora of hats -of a wife, a mother, a nurturer, a breadwinner, a friend, a grandmother, now had been added with another one-that of a caretaker! No issues, her head and shoulders were strong enough to carry this burden too, as lovingly as she had carried the others in the past.
Like an eagle who soars far above the clouds but can spot even the smallest of insects and swoop down for it, she too had to soar above the everyday humdrum life and not lose focus. The focus being Satish and his welfare; the focus being to gather and treasure some stolen moments from his fast-receding memory.
After all…
Que sera sera……whatever will be, will be!