The Learning Phase

On a windy night, as dark clouds gathered on the horizon, Mother Earth was ready and set to embrace a downpour. Riya gazed at the weatherly changes from her bedroom window with a heavy heart. It seemed that she had been lost in her thoughts for a while, and the weather outside resonated with her disturbed mindset.

A sudden stream of lightning, followed by a roaring thunder, brought her back to the moment. She closed the window and started crying uncontrollably. The reason was that she had experienced a disturbing moment with her toddler, Anvi, earlier in the day, and her motherly guilt was eating her up.

After a while of sobbing, her heart felt light, and her mind was fresh. She sat down on her couch, right in front of her napping toddler, and decided to figure out what went wrong. She knew that the issue was mainly with her parenting style, so she began revisiting every decision of hers since the beginning of her motherhood journey.

From the time Riya was conceived with her baby, she was committed to being more of a friend to her little one than a strict parent. She always wished to be that 'go-to' person in her child's life and didn't want to use fear as a tool to discipline.

After Anvi's birth, Riya treated her as an individual and encouraged her to think independently. She gave Anvi as many choices as possible as early as 6 months. This way, Anvi had a say in everything, and eventually, she learned to voice out what she wanted.

As Anvi entered toddlerhood, she grew adamant. Like any other toddler, she wished to have everything under her control, and she threw big tantrums over her unsatisfied demands.

Though Riya knew that tantrums were a toddler's trademark, she became stressed handling them day in and day out. After all, she didn't have enough time and energy all day to politely explain everything to Anvi.

Slowly, she became doubtful of her parenting style and was bewildered. Many times, she felt it would be easy to instill fear in Anvi to stop her from doing unintended things. After all, that's how the elders of the older generation handled kids.

Then on, many unanswered questions and insecurities popped up in her mind:

By giving her choices, am I trying to sophisticate her?

If I can't correct Anvi at this stage, then how will she be well-behaved in the future?

If I satisfy her demands now, how will she learn that life doesn't give her everything she wants?

Overridden by these doubts, Riya was finally convinced that instilling fear of punishment and elders was the only way to discipline her child. From then on, she began to behave strictly toward Anvi. She outright rejected Anvi's demand and started punishing her for her naughty actions.

Anvi was totally startled at her mamma's behavior, and her little brain couldn't process this massive change. Earlier, she used to say everything to her mamma without any hesitation: "Mamma, I broke the glass," "I spilled my food all over," "I threw my shoes far away," etc. But after Riya's change, Anvi constantly feared being punished and started having everything to herself.

Slowly, it seemed to Riya that Anvi was getting better disciplined without being as adamant as before. At times, she was doubtful of her strict parenting style, but she convinced herself that it was all for Anvi's good.

That particular day, Anvi was playing with her toys when she accidentally broke a fragile one. She was struck with fear and didn't want to be punished for it. She immediately collected the broken pieces in her hands and put them beneath the sofa so Riya wouldn't notice them.

Upon disposing of the last piece, Anvi realized that Riya was approaching her. She stood still for a moment, ran away, and hid in an unreachable place.

Riya couldn't comprehend what was happening and asked Anvi to come out. Anvi never responded and stayed silently for some time despite Riya's repeated calls. At one point, Riya lost her temper and threatened to punish her if she didn't come out.

Anvi became scared and began to weep aloud. As she came out of that place, she uttered, "Please don't punish me, mamma; I am so scared'.

Riya then consoled her, saying she wouldn't punish her. She lifted Anvi in her hands and politely questioned her again about what happened. She also noticed the scratches on Anvi's palms.

Anvi was still shivering, and her eyes reflected great fear. Her constant hesitation to confess what happened made Riya realize that she had turned out to be a parent whom she didn't want to be. She simply hugged Anvi at the moment and promised that everything would be fine soon.

As she was sitting on her couch, thinking through all this and looking at the innocent face of her sleeping toddler, her eyes welled up with tears again. She understood that she had broken Anvi's mountain of trust with a hammer of fear and punishment. For the next few minutes, she was ashamed of herself and felt way too bad.

Meanwhile, she noticed that the rain had stopped and headed to the window to open it. There was perfect silence outside. The fresh breeze of the rain, brewed with the pleasant smell of soil, enlightened her spirit. She thought to herself, "It's okay, Riya. This is the first time you are raising a child. No doubt, you are also in the same learning phase as Anvi. Cheer up and begin from scratch."

She looked down at the ground, and Mother Earth reminded her of an essential life skill that every parent should adopt - patience. For a few moments, she closed her eyes and absorbed the essence of it. She was then ready to hit the reset button and decided to explore all other ways to discipline her toddler.

She looked up at the sky, and a ray of moonlight piercing through a cloud assured her of hope and positivity. She left behind her motherly guilt and went to bed with a peaceful mind.