Empathetic Parenting

It was a long weekend, and Aditi was counting minutes to meet her best buddy, Meera. Unlike on other days, she reached their favorite ice cream shop well ahead of the planned time. Meera reached the spot a few minutes later and noticed Aditi's tension from a distance. She directly proceeded to the counter to order their usual menu. She collected the order and sat opposite Aditi.

When Aditi tried to speak up, Meera stopped her and said, "Not a word now. First treat, then meet." Aditi nodded her head, and they both gulped the ice cream as if they hadn't eaten it in decades. Once they were done, Meera started the conversation: "Now, let's treat your brain. What are you up to?"

Aditi replied, "It's about Diya again," with a sad face. 

Meera exclaimed, "I wonder why your 3-year-old is always the cause of stress for you. She is just a sweet little baby loaded with fun and cuteness." 

Aditi commented, "You will know the reason for it once you enter the motherhood phase."

Meera asked, "Whatever, what's the issue now?"

Aditi explained, "It's all about her school. You know that she started going to preschool. She cried badly for the first week, but after that, she didn't cry much. However, she isn't eating her food, she isn't napping there, and even worse, she isn't peeing all the time. Initially, I thought it would become fine with time, but it's been one and a half months now, and nothing has changed."

Meera empathized: "This is a matter of concern.".

Aditi continued, "Exactly! I don't want her to suffer there. Crying, being sad, and skipping her meal and nap is at least ok, but holding her pee for hours together isn't any good for her health."

Meera questioned, "Did you talk to Diya about it?"

Aditi replied, "You think I didn't? Many times, I spoke to her, but she wasn't interested in answering. At least 1000 times a day, I politely convey to her that her school is a safe place to be and that she can slowly begin to feel comfortable. Though she is nodding to me every time, she isn't really doing it. You won't believe me. One day, I even sent her to school without feeding her breakfast, and even then, she didn't eat a mouth there till 3 PM. I'm really struck."

Meera laughed as she said, "The problem here is not with Diya. It's with you."

Startled, Aditi questioned, "What? Why me?"

Meera said, "Do one thing. Go to your home and take out our 12th farewell book. Flip to my page and read through the notes I wrote for you long ago, particularly the point that I mentioned about your specialty. Then you'll figure out the solution to this problem."

Aditi felt relieved and said, "I know you have solutions to all my problems. Let me do that as soon as I get home."

The two friends then parted ways from the ice cream shop and headed home. At night, after putting Diya to sleep, Aditi took out her farewell book and read Meera's page.

There was a question in the book that asked, "What's so special about me?" for which Meera had written, "Empathy. I hadn't experienced such pure empathy with anyone else other than you. You get into others' shoes and view the world from their perspective. This is the very reason why everyone easily shares their pain with you. You wouldn't know how many times I had asked Jaya why she was sad at school. Not even once had she answered me, but I saw her opening up to you easily. Empathy is a rare quality; I wish you would preserve it for your lifetime and help others.".

Upon reading it, Aditi's eyes welled up with tears. She closed the book and sat in silence to think through it. She realized what she was missing with Diya.

All this while, she had been expecting Diya to become comfortable at school as soon as possible and behave perfectly like every other kid. Not once had she stepped into the shoes of her little one to understand how things were for her.

 So, she started to think from scratch to understand Diya's world from Diya's perspective: A tiny human, who had always been in her mamma's arms so far, is now left in a completely new place called preschool. Her brain isn't fully developed, and she is still learning to handle her emotions. At school, everybody is new to her. Though she can see many other tiny humans alongside her eating, napping, and peeing, she hasn't gained enough confidence about the place and people. The reason is that she hasn't done these things with anyone else all these years other than her mamma.

Aditi realized that Diya needed some time to build trust in the place and in the humans there. Just because other kids get accustomed to preschool easily, it isn't fair to expect Diya to catch up with their pace. So instead of thinking, "Why is she not doing it?" Aditi now began to think about, "How can I help her do it?"

Firstly, she decided to stop asking her kid to become comfortable at school. Secondly, she started giving Diya her favorite snack as her meal. This would tempt Diya to take a bite during her mealtime. Thirdly, she took Diya out shopping and made her choose her own crib sheet and blanket. She also had a word with Diya's class teacher about Diya's hesitation to use the potty. She proposed a solution wherein she could step inside the classroom and accompany Diya to the washroom while she dropped her off and picked her up. In this way, Diya started using the potty twice a day, accompanied by her mamma.

As a last but most important step, Aditi remained confident in her decision of not to expect any improvements but to continue turning every stone to make her little one comfortable at preschool. A couple of months passed, and Diya slowly began to show improvements. She ate her meal, napped with other kids, and began using the potty even in Aditi's absence. 

Aditi was so happy to see Diya's adaptability. During the next ice cream meeting, Aditi conveyed to Meera the steps she took to make it happen.

Meera happily said, "That's my girl. Never lose your specialty anytime.".

Aditi responded, "Whoever has such amazing friends like you in their life will never lose it."

The two friends spent the rest of their meeting chitchatting and happily departed for their homes.