What's amiss?

Riya has just boarded a train to her place after attending her bestie's wedding. What a splendid celebration at the wedding venue for the past three days! Many of her childhood friends gathered together without any excuses. To turn back the hands of time and to relive their childhood days is definitely something that everyone would long for. After congratulating the couple on their wedding and capturing their happy times, everyone departed in their own ways. While most of them opted to travel by car, Riya wished for a daytime train journey for a purpose.

As she sat on a window seat of the train, she felt rejoiced. She was reminded of her childhood days when she fought with her elder sibling for a window seat and would anyway end up with it as she was the youngest in her family.

The train wasn't crowded that day, and Riya's compartment had very few passengers scattered over multiple seats. Fortunately, Riya was quite left alone; from her seat, she couldn't see anyone, and anyone wouldn't spot her place, perfectly as she had wished.

The horn blew loudly, and the train started moving. The ambiance of the train, touched by the slow breeze, put Riya's brain at rest. She leaned back in her seat and simply witnessed the movement of the train. After a while, the train's speed picked up, and so did her thoughts. Her mind had been in a disturbed state for the past few months. She has been trying to fix it but couldn't get enough time amidst her busy schedule. So she preferred this train journey not just to reach her physical destination but also to resolve all of her internal conflicts.

First, she was reminded of the comment she received from her friends at the wedding. Almost everyone who saw her would ask "How is your marriage life?", but before she could reply, they would conclude "Of course it will be good; you have married your college love, so why would any misunderstanding pop up!". There were times when her face lit up like the bright moon upon hearing such comments, but now she realized that she wasn't able to accept it anymore. She simply nodded her head with a smile and left the place without saying much.

The other thing pondering over her head was the answer given by one of her friends, who had an arranged marriage recently. When questioned about her marriage life, she blissfully answered "My husband takes care of me like a child". Since then, many times Riya questioned herself if she would be able to give the same reply about Sanjay, but in vain.

Clearly, something was amiss in her married life; she felt a sense of emptiness in her as well as in her relationship with Sanjay, which was flourishing to the fullest once upon a time. So once and for all, she decided to connect with her core and sort out the problem.

To start with, she swore to herself to look at the issue from all perspectives and simply not draw any conclusions from her own assumptions. She took out a diary and her favorite pen from the handbag and was all set to figure out the solution in her own unique way.

She reminisced about her memorable college days when she shared a soulful friendship with Sanjay. Instantly, she felt an element of courage and support. She then began to note down some key factors of her love life in her diary from an outsider's perspective.

1) Riya and Sanjay have been happily married for four years.

2) They knew each other for the past ten years and actively supported each other in all circumstances.

3) They have nothing hidden between them; they openly share everything without any filters or masks.

4) They fight often like any other couple but soon reconcile without much effort.

5) Their families are supportive to them, and they treat each other's families with respect.

As she reread her points, she commented "In place and perfect, yet something is amiss".

She then turned the page of her diary and went ahead to describe Sanjay in detail.

1) An honest and loyal person who has been truly in love with Riya for the past ten years.

2) He takes good care of Riya and assures her that she has all the physical amenities she needs at home.

3) He has planned the perfect financial backup for her so that she doesn't need to borrow money from anyone even in his absence.

4) He respects her and always encourages her to follow her dreams. He gives her complete freedom to pursue a career of her choice.

5) He guides her on many occasions, including how to deal with cunning people.

Upon revising her points, she exclaimed, 'Just perfect, yet something's amiss!'.

On the next page, she continued to write about herself.

1) A soft-hearted and stubborn woman, truly in love with Sanjay for years together.

2) She pursues a career in addition to taking care of household work.

3) She always wishes the best for Sanjay and stands by him as much as she can in his personal and professional life.

4) She often fights with him for silly things as a consequence of her hormonal changes and mood swings, but she apologizes to him upon realizing her mistake.

5) She expects nothing from him other than his time for her.

As she revisited her points about herself, she thought, "Mood swings are something that I should really work on. Why are women intended to experience the consequences of hormonal changes? Had I ever been around when the creator decided to instill hormones and mood swings in a woman, I would have blasted him into pieces."

The screeching sound of the train tracks, accompanied by a sudden jerk, reminded her of the fact that she was going off track from the main issue.

She then continued to drill down further on her relationship and summarize the obvious points.

1) They had no hidden grudges, pending fights, or regrets.

2) They never interfered in each other's space, and they maintained uniformity like that of the parallel rail tracks.

3) Since the start of the work-from-home pattern, Sanjay had been investing a lot of time in his office work and never took part in household chores.

4) There was a change in Sanjay's behavior.

On completing her points, she felt that the COVID outbreak demolished the boundaries of working hours. Access to a work laptop and the internet 24 hours a day meant there were no weekdays or weekends; all days were workdays. While there were many people enjoying the benefits of it, there were many others who were moving apart from their families because of excessive workload.

She reviewed her points again, and when she went through the last one, she thought, "Sanjay before marriage and after marriage is surely not the same. Before marriage, he listened to me and rendered emotional support whenever I needed it, but now he is taking me for granted. Maybe this is the reason why Swati (her friend who had arranged marriage) disclosed that her husband takes care of her like a child; when couples start their lives afresh without being used to each other in the past, they might put more effort into making it work."

Immersed in these thoughts, she noticed that the train was nearing the next big junction. She was growing hungry and wished to eat something. She got off the train at the junction and bought some snacks.

When she came back to her seat, she noticed a mom-toddler duo being seated in the diagonal seat to her. They boarded the train at this junction and seemed to accompany her until she reached her destination. She greeted them with a smile and started munching the snacks.

Her analysis so far has not calmed her disturbed mind. She badly wanted to figure out what was amiss, and she didn't want to go home with the emptiness prevailing in her.

By the time the train left the junction, the weather had changed, and dark rain clouds were hovering over the land. In a few moments, there was a heavy downpour, and Riya closed the glass window of her seat with much difficulty. For a while, she quietly watched the magical scenes of rain and wind from inside the train.

Almost everyone on the train closed their windows, and the train doors were shut too. The regular rhythm of the train and the sounds of the outside world went afar, while the sounds of the people inside the train took the upper hand. The most adorable of it was the voice of the toddler at close range to Riya. She couldn't stop noticing him and blandly listened to his sweet words uttered in a childish language.

A closer zoom into the mom-toddler duo: the mom was knitting a sweater, and she intended to complete it before they reached the destination. It seemed that it had been her dream to knit a sweater for her son for a long time, but she hadn't gotten enough time to make it happen. Thus she gave colorful musical toys to her son to engage him so she could complete the task during the train journey. But her son kept nudging her almost every minute, expecting her to play with him.

As Riya was watching this scene, something similar struck her, and she was able to correlate it to her relationship with Sanjay. She opened her pen and simply noted down what came to her mind:

The toddler didn't know or couldn't understand that his mom was knitting a sweater solely for him. All he knew was that his mom wasn't playing with him at the moment, and hence he grew disappointed. On the other hand, the mom somehow wanted to complete the sweater knitting before the train journey ended, as she wanted her son to have a new sweater in the upcoming winter.

Upon writing it, Riya felt relieved. There she was, finally finding light at the end of the tunnel.

She closed her eyes for a few moments and recalled every instance where she felt Sanjay changed or didn't give her importance. She tried to view it from a different angle, and after a while, she felt, "Yes, Sanjay is not the same after marriage. But is it because he has additional responsibilities as a family man? Before marriage, he didn't have any commitments to take care of, so he poured all his time and energy into me. But now, I have to understand that things aren't the same as before."

The other inference she made from the mom-toddler duo was about expectations. It isn't the toddler's fault to expect his mom's attention throughout. Considering the age and understanding level of the toddler, the mom wouldn't be able to explain to him that she is doing something only for him. But as with Sanjay and Riya, Sanjay often feels that the things done for love aren't to be stated explicitly. Hence, most of the time, Riya will not even know what he did for her. This is the main reason for the emptiness that developed in her.

One other factor that she observed was the difference in each other's way of expressing love. The mom was expressing her love for the toddler by preferring to knit the sweater, while the toddler wanted his mom to play with him and wasn't satisfied by anything else. On a similar note, Riya recalled many instances when she never considered Sanjay's gifts as gifts because she always expected something else.

With a light heart, she noted down all the inferences in her diary. She leaned back on her seat with her eyes closed and rested for a while.

When she opened her eyes, she noticed that the external weather changed and the downpour transitioned into drizzles. So she opened her glass window to get some fresh air. The fragrance of the rain blended with the earthy soil revived her inner spirit, and the drizzly breeze that blew on her face bestowed her with the needed energy to work on herself as well as her relationship. In a few moments, the train reached its destination, and so did Riya's heart.

She went near the toddler and handed him her favorite pen as a gift. Of course, she wished to gift him a toy or candy, but she couldn't find anything else in her handbag. When the mother refused to get it, Riya said "It's my token of gratitude; please don't deny it". The confused mother accepted it with hesitation, while the toddler's face brightened in happiness. Riya asked if she had finished knitting the sweater, to which the toddler's mother replied, "Yes, I did. But now I got into another trouble. This naughty boy isn't ready to wait till winter and is demanding to wear it right away."

Riya responded with a smile, stating, "Make him wear it now for a while. Nevertheless, love in any form is always the need of the hour for everyone."

As she bid them goodbye and got off the train, her phone beeped with a message from Sanjay asking her to commute home in a cab as he was struck up in his work. On a usual day, Riya would be infuriated by it, assuming that Sanjay didn't show up because of his meetings. But that day, Riya stayed calm and decided to check the actual reason why he couldn't come.

She reached home and noticed that the house had been cleaned and mopped freshly, and everything was just in place. She went inside and found Sanjay in the kitchen, hurrying to clean up the last few dishes in the sink.

A few minutes later, as the couple was sipping coffee on their favorite couch, Riya asked Sanjay the reason for not showing up at the station. He replied, "A meeting extended far longer than planned, and hence I couldn't come".

Riya continued, "Your meeting extended far more than was planned, so your plan of sorting out the messy house was at stake. Hence, you chose to stay back and clean the house so it wouldn't be hard on me after a tiring journey."

Sanjay questioned with astonishment, "Is this really you? I was expecting your anger and rage, but you shower me with love and compassion. Is anything wrong with your health?"

Riya replied angrily "Let this be the last time you say only half the story!"

She then opened up about the emptiness in which she had been immersed for months and detailed her internal analysis during the train journey. Sanjay lent his ears and listened throughout without inferring in between. He tried to view things from Riya's perspective and thereafter promised to make sure that such emptiness never peeped up in their relationship.

After all, if we are wise enough to learn from our mistakes, see beyond our little world of perception, and understand each other's distinct expectations, then nothing can go amiss in a relationship.