The Deadly Candlesticks

AT THE GRAND PARK

Noble psychiatrist SIR JEFF CONNOR is arguing with daring painter MRS POLLY PIGEON. JEFF tries to hug POLLY but she shakes him off.

JEFF 

Please Polly, don't leave me.

POLLY 

I'm sorry Jeff, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.

JEFF 

I am such a person!POLLY frowns.

POLLY 

I'm sorry, Jeff. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.POLLY leaves.

JEFF sits down, looking defeated.

Moments later, adorable author LAURA WILLIAMS barges in looking flustered.

JEFF :

Goodness, LAURA ! Is everything okay?

LAURA 

I'm afraid not !

JEFF 

What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...

LAURA 

It's ... a Thug... I saw an evil thug kills a bunch of children!

JEFF 

Defenseless cute childrens?

LAURA 

Yes, defenseless cute childrens!

JEFF 

Bloomin' heck, Laura ! We've got to do something.

LAURA 

I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.

JEFF 

You can start by telling me where this happened. 

LAURA 

I was... Laura fans herself and begins to wheeze.

JEFF 

Focus laura, focus! Where did it happen?

LAURA 

Quality Cafe, Los Angeles! That's right - Quality Cafe, Los Angeles!JEFF springs up and begins to run.

ON A ROAD - CONTINUOUS

JEFF rushes along the street, followed by LAURA. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.

INSIFE THE QUALITY CAFE, LOS ANGELES - SHORTLY AFTER

WENNA CONNOR a wild thug terrorises two children.

JEFF, closely followed by laura, rushes towards WENNA, but suddenly stops in his tracks.

LAURA

What is is? What's the matter?

JEFF 

That's not just any old thug, that's Wenna Connor!

LAURA 

Who's Wenna Connor?

JEFF 

Who's Wenna Connor? Who's Wenna Connor? Only the most wild thug in the universe!

LAURA 

Blinkin' knickers, Jeff! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most wild thug in the universe !

JEFF 

You can say that again.

LAURA

Blinkin' knickers, Jeff! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most wild thug in the universe!

JEFF

I'm going to need candlesticks, lots of candlesticks.Wenna turns and sees Jeff and laura. She grins an evil grin.

WENNA

Jeff Connor, we meet again.

LAURA

You've met?

JEFF

Yes. It was a long, long time ago...

INSIDE THE GRAND PARK - BACK IN TIME

A young JEFF is sitting in a park listening to some orchestral music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.

He looks up and sees WENNA. He takes off his headphones.

WENNA

Would you like some white mice?JEFF's eyes light up, but then he studies WENNA more closely, and looks uneasy.

JEFF

I don't know, you look kind of wild.

WENNA

Me? No. I'm not wild. I'm the least wild thug in the world.

JEFF

Wait, you're a thug?JEFF runs away, screaming.

INSIDE THE QUALITY CAFE, LOS ANGELES - PRESENT DAY

WENNA

You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.

LAURA(To JEFF) You ran away?JEFF(To LAURA) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?JEFF turns to WENNA.

JEFF

I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!JEFF runs away.

He turns back and shouts.

JEFF

I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with candlesticks.

WENNA

I'm not scared of you.

JEFF

You should be.

OUTSIDE SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY

JEFF and LAURA walk around searching for something.

JEFF

I feel sure I left my candlesticks somewhere around here.

LAURA

Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly candlesticks.

JEFF

You know nothing Miss Laura Williams.

LAURA

We've been searching from long hours I really don't think they're here.And what is there in the deadly candlesticks ?

JEFF

The candle is made up of venom of poisonous snakes, the venoms are combined in molten wax and then the Candlesticks are made.When the Candlesticks were lit up the poison releases while burning .

 LAURA

But how do you know about that ?

JEFF

Our Ancesters used this as weapons to conquer the battlefield .And my mother used to have those candles for her evil purposes but few years ago I heard her whispering while sleeping at night that she buried the Candlesticks outside the opera house.

Suddenly, WENNA appears, holding a pair of candlesticks.

WENNA

Looking for something?

LAURA

Crikey, Jeff, she's got your candlesticks.

JEFF

Tell me something I don't already know!

LAURA

The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.

JEFF

I know that already!

LAURA

I bite my toenails !

WENNA

(appalled) Madame!

While WENNA is looking at laura with disgust, JEFF lunges forward and grabs his deadly candlesticks. He wields them, triumphantly.

JEFF

Be Prepare to die, you wild carrot!

WENNA

No please! All I did was kill a bunch of children!POLLY enters, unseen by any of the others.

JEFF

I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Jeff Connor defender of innocent children.

WENNA

Don't hurt me! Please!

JEFF

Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these candlesticks on you right away!

WENNA

Because Jeff, I am your mother.

JEFF looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.

JEFF

No you're not!

WENNA

Ah well, it had to be worth a try.

WENNA tries to grab the candlesticks but JEFF dodges out of the way.

JEFF

Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?Unexpectedly, WENNA slumps to the ground.

Laura

Did she just faint?

JEFF

I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly candlesticks.

JEFF crouches over WENNA's body.

LAURA

Be careful, Jeff. It could be a trick.

JEFF

No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Wenna Connor is dead!

LAURA

What?

JEFF

Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.LAURA claps her hands.

LAURA

So your candlesticks did save the day, after all.POLLY steps forward.

POLLY

Is it true? Did you kill the wild thug?

JEFF

Polly how long have you been...?POLLY puts her arm around JEFF.

POLLY

Long enough.

JEFF

Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Wenna Connor.

POLLY

Then the childrens are safe ?

JEFF

It does seem that way!A crowd of cute but scared childrens enter, they are looking relived now .

POLLY

You are their hero.The childrens bow to JEFF.

JEFF

There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Wenna Connor will never kill childrens ever again, is enough for me.

POLLY

You are humble as well as brave!One of the children passes JEFF a gold necklace

POLLY

I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.

JEFF

I couldn't possibly.Pause.

JEFF

Well, if you insist.JEFF takes the necklace.

JEFF

QThank you.The childrens bow their heads once more, and leave.

JEFF turns to POLLY.

JEFF

Does this mean you want me back?

POLLY

Oh, Jeff, of course I want you back!JEFF smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.

JEFF

Well you can't have me.

POLLY

WHAT?JEFFYou had no faith in me. You had to see my scar a thug to deadbed before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.

POLLY

But...

JEFF

Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin is my true love interest, laura .

LAURA grins.

POLLY

But...

LAURA

You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!

POLLY

Jeff?

JEFF

I'm sorry Polly, but I think you should skidaddle.

POLLY leaves.

LAURA turns to JEFF.

LAURA

Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your true love interest?

JEFF

Of course you are! He stepped close to her and pulled her and kissed intimately.

Thereafter two walk off arm in arm through the pavements.

Suddenly Laura stops.

LAURA

When I said I bite my toenails, you know I was just trying to distract the thug don't you ?

JEFF smiled and runs away .