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The Deadly Candlesticks
The Deadly Candlesticks
AT THE GRAND PARK
Noble psychiatrist SIR JEFF CONNOR is arguing with daring painter MRS POLLY PIGEON. JEFF tries to hug POLLY but she shakes him off.
JEFF
Please Polly, don't leave me.
POLLY
I'm sorry Jeff, but I'm looking for somebody a bit more brave. Somebody who faces his fears head on, instead of running away.
JEFF
I am such a person!POLLY frowns.
POLLY
I'm sorry, Jeff. I just don't feel excited by this relationship anymore.POLLY leaves.
JEFF sits down, looking defeated.
Moments later, adorable author LAURA WILLIAMS barges in looking flustered.
JEFF :
Goodness, LAURA ! Is everything okay?
LAURA
I'm afraid not !
JEFF
What is it? Don't keep me in suspense...
LAURA
It's ... a Thug... I saw an evil thug kills a bunch of children!
JEFF
Defenseless cute childrens?
LAURA
Yes, defenseless cute childrens!
JEFF
Bloomin' heck, Laura ! We've got to do something.
LAURA
I agree, but I wouldn't know where to start.
JEFF
You can start by telling me where this happened.
LAURA
I was... Laura fans herself and begins to wheeze.
JEFF
Focus laura, focus! Where did it happen?
LAURA
Quality Cafe, Los Angeles! That's right - Quality Cafe, Los Angeles!JEFF springs up and begins to run.
ON A ROAD - CONTINUOUS
JEFF rushes along the street, followed by LAURA. They take a short cut through some back gardens, jumping fences along the way.
INSIFE THE QUALITY CAFE, LOS ANGELES - SHORTLY AFTER
WENNA CONNOR a wild thug terrorises two children.
JEFF, closely followed by laura, rushes towards WENNA, but suddenly stops in his tracks.
LAURA
What is is? What's the matter?
JEFF
That's not just any old thug, that's Wenna Connor!
LAURA
Who's Wenna Connor?
JEFF
Who's Wenna Connor? Who's Wenna Connor? Only the most wild thug in the universe!
LAURA
Blinkin' knickers, Jeff! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most wild thug in the universe !
JEFF
You can say that again.
LAURA
Blinkin' knickers, Jeff! We're going to need some help if we're going to stop the most wild thug in the universe!
JEFF
I'm going to need candlesticks, lots of candlesticks.Wenna turns and sees Jeff and laura. She grins an evil grin.
WENNA
Jeff Connor, we meet again.
LAURA
You've met?
JEFF
Yes. It was a long, long time ago...
INSIDE THE GRAND PARK - BACK IN TIME
A young JEFF is sitting in a park listening to some orchestral music, when suddenly a dark shadow casts over him.
He looks up and sees WENNA. He takes off his headphones.
WENNA
Would you like some white mice?JEFF's eyes light up, but then he studies WENNA more closely, and looks uneasy.
JEFF
I don't know, you look kind of wild.
WENNA
Me? No. I'm not wild. I'm the least wild thug in the world.
JEFF
Wait, you're a thug?JEFF runs away, screaming.
INSIDE THE QUALITY CAFE, LOS ANGELES - PRESENT DAY
WENNA
You were a coward then, and you are a coward now.
LAURA(To JEFF) You ran away?JEFF(To LAURA) I was a young child. What was I supposed to do?JEFF turns to WENNA.
JEFF
I may have run away from you then, but I won't run away this time!JEFF runs away.
He turns back and shouts.
JEFF
I mean, I am running away, but I'll be back - with candlesticks.
WENNA
I'm not scared of you.
JEFF
You should be.
OUTSIDE SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE - LATER THAT DAY
JEFF and LAURA walk around searching for something.
JEFF
I feel sure I left my candlesticks somewhere around here.
LAURA
Are you sure? It does seem like an odd place to keep deadly candlesticks.
JEFF
You know nothing Miss Laura Williams.
LAURA
We've been searching from long hours I really don't think they're here.And what is there in the deadly candlesticks ?
JEFF
The candle is made up of venom of poisonous snakes, the venoms are combined in molten wax and then the Candlesticks are made.When the Can
dlesticks were lit up the poison releases while burning .
LAURA
But how do you know about that ?
JEFF
Our Ancesters used this as weapons to conquer the battlefield .And my mother used to have those candles for her evil purposes but few years ago I heard her whispering while sleeping at night that she buried the Candlesticks outside the opera house.
Suddenly, WENNA appears, holding a pair of candlesticks.
WENNA
Looking for something?
LAURA
Crikey, Jeff, she's got your candlesticks.
JEFF
Tell me something I don't already know!
LAURA
The earth's circumference at the equator is about 40,075 km.
JEFF
I know that already!
LAURA
I bite my toenails !
WENNA
(appalled) Madame!
While WENNA is looking at laura with disgust, JEFF lunges forward and grabs his deadly candlesticks. He wields them, triumphantly.
JEFF
Be Prepare to die, you wild carrot!
WENNA
No please! All I did was kill a bunch of children!POLLY enters, unseen by any of the others.
JEFF
I cannot tolerate that kind of behaviour! Those children were defenceless! Well now they have a defender - and that's me! Jeff Connor defender of innocent children.
WENNA
Don't hurt me! Please!
JEFF
Give me one good reason why I shouldn't use these candlesticks on you right away!
WENNA
Because Jeff, I am your mother.
JEFF looks stunned for a few moments, but then collects himself.
JEFF
No you're not!
WENNA
Ah well, it had to be worth a try.
WENNA tries to grab the candlesticks but JEFF dodges out of the way.
JEFF
Who's the mummy now? Huh? Huh?Unexpectedly, WENNA slumps to the ground.
Laura
Did she just faint?
JEFF
I think so. Well that's disappointing. I was rather hoping for a more dramatic conclusion, involving my deadly candlesticks.
JEFF crouches over WENNA's body.
LAURA
Be careful, Jeff. It could be a trick.
JEFF
No, it's not a trick. It appears that... It would seem... Wenna Connor is dead!
LAURA
What?
JEFF
Yes, it appears that I scared her to death.LAURA claps her hands.
LAURA
So your candlesticks did save the day, after all.POLLY steps forward.
POLLY
Is it true? Did you kill the wild thug?
JEFF
Polly how long have you been...?POLLY puts her arm around JEFF.
POLLY
Long enough.
JEFF
Then you saw it for yourself. I killed Wenna Connor.
POLLY
Then the childrens are safe ?
JEFF
It does seem that way!A crowd of cute but scared childrens enter, they are looking relived now .
POLLY
You are their hero.The childrens bow to JEFF.
JEFF
There is no need to bow to me. I seek no worship. The knowledge that Wenna Connor will never kill childrens ever again, is enough for me.
POLLY
You are humble as well as brave!One of the children passes JEFF a gold necklace
POLLY
I think they want you to have it, as a symbol of their gratitude.
JEFF
I couldn't possibly.Pause.
JEFF
Well, if you insist.JEFF takes the necklace.
JEFF
QThank you.The childrens bow their heads once more, and leave.
JEFF turns to POLLY.
JEFF
Does this mean you want me back?
POLLY
Oh, Jeff, of course I want you back!JEFF smiles for a few seconds, but then looks defiant.
JEFF
Well you can't have me.
POLLY
WHAT?JEFFYou had no faith in me. You had to see my scar a thug to deadbed before you would believe in me. I don't want a lover like that.
POLLY
But...
JEFF
Please leave. I want to spend time with the one person who stayed with me through thick and thin is my true love interest, laura .
LAURA grins.
POLLY
But...
LAURA
You heard the gentleman. Now be off with you. Skidaddle! Shoo!
POLLY
Jeff?
JEFF
I'm sorry Polly, but I think you should skidaddle.
POLLY leaves.
LAURA turns to JEFF.
LAURA
Did you mean that? You know ... that I'm your true love interest?
JEFF
Of course you are! He stepped close to her and pulled her and kissed intimately.
Thereafter two walk off arm in arm through the pavements.
Suddenly Laura stops.
LAURA
When I said I bite my toenails, you know I was just trying to distract the thug don't you ?
JEFF smiled and runs away .
