The Church And A Boy!

I am too young to understand love, is it a funny feeling when I see him, or is it the fact that I wanna stare at his animated face when he is just standing there talking to his friend and I am all here feeling the most unique vibration in my heart.

I often go to church, just about every Sunday! Offer my prayers and bless my heart, and to see that beautiful smile, he doesn't know I exist but I always wish he knew I am standing right behind him every time he passes through the crowd.

We go to the same school, I am a nerd and he is the popular guy dating the prettiest girl, it's such a cliche! I wonder why does it always a nerd falls for a hot guy! The unrequited love is such a bullshit ploy.

Well, the problem is that I want him to know how I feel about him but then again the courage is such a bitch.

It's like you are suffocating with such a burden, it's too much pain.

Ah, the Sunday again, maybe I will say something this time, school is a dangerous space and maybe church is the best place,

Got dressed a little extra, maybe wearing the best shoes was a bad idea, look the hair gel was supposed to help but then again whom to blame for the looks I got through the parents I never met.

Don't be sad, I am not an orphan, I have a loving dad and mom, with granny to add to my frame! The perk of being an adoptive child is that you will always be grateful for the life and the dreams you seek. 

So I went to church again, waited with every ounce of courage, but you know what, this feels difficult, maybe I will just wait outside the church's gate. Wait for him to show up and introduce my name.

And he did come with his girl in arms, my dreams were shattered one more time. I sobbed my way back home like the heart crushed under the road. 

My parents were worried, so was I, how I am supposed to tell them that my heart cries, for the love of the boy who doesn't seem to know about my desires, anyway cut to the next Sunday, I am standing far away this time, this boy is gonna crush me like he always does and I am not gonna put my soul through that painful death.

I walked off this time not bothering to know what is up to and where he would go, I finished my prayers and stormed out as dramatic as it felt in my head.

As I came out of the church I saw him standing on the gate, I minded my own business and started walking past his gaze, he looked at me and I felt that's weird. 

I was about to cross the gate and there was a tap on my shoulder that made me stop and turn to see his beautiful lips.

He said, "I did not find you standing behind me today".

I was confused if he was talking to me or some ghost, I stammered and played a little dumb for my own good.

He continued "you looked great last week, with those shoes and your hair looked out of this world" 

I continued to stare at him like I saw a ghoul, is it for real or fiction of my favourite novel.

Finally made the courage and I said "you look great every week and your hair stand like a perfect knife"

That was the best I could come up with, maybe he will run away and call his peeps.

Surprisingly, he did not. he knew my name - that surprised me.

We connected on stuff that made my heart fly, 

We chatted a lot, about the friends, the church, exchanged phone numbers, and the address, bitched about the school, and the subjects, expressed likes and dislikes, it was like we were painting on beautiful canvas, I was the brush and he was the colours.

The smart thing is I had asked my parents to leave me alone for some time, 

I was preparing to tell him about me at this juncture, but I wasn't sure about that as yet,

He said "I broke up with my girlfriend last week"

I did not know why was he telling me this but I guess once you connect with someone you spill your darkest beast,

I had one which I was holding on to it for a long, we went to the same school that was danger alarm.

I asked him why did he break up, he said he liked someone else and he has seen that face being upset last week when he brought her to this place.

I wasn't sure if this is the right thing to do, I was on verge of spilling my darkest truth.

I moved a little just beside him, thinking if he hates boys he would give me a sign, he didn't flinch when my hand was on his and when our tangled legs started making their beats, I looked him in the eyes and said I love a boy.

He looked at me and said "I love a boy too"

Was he talking about me, not sure got to reconfirm.

Is that me? I asked.

He said, well the one who watches me every Sunday and stands just right behind me to sniff my hair.

I said I watch you in school too and kinda get tempted to do that there too.

"Pervert," he said and smiled, 

We got up and he held my hand.

The church was never the same because he and I were in a straight line.