The Banshee

April 28th, 2014

I had just got into the kitchen to brew my morning coffee and watch the daily news when I heard a truck go by. I sat down my mug and started toward the window. Even if they had gotten to the end of the road I would have seen them. But no. No truck. No tracks. No noise. The only things out there were mist, dirt road and forest. 

"Oohhhh kayyyyy??" I whispered to myself and resumed my morning routine. A while later I went upstairs to wake my wife where I find her in bed, but all the sheets on the floor. 

Well that's a little odd. I thought. Typically my wife LOVES blankets and always slept with at least three. I shrugged it off and told myself she probably was too hot and woke her up to get ready. She got up, did her makeup, made her coffee and just as she was walking out the door she asked if we could visit her mom.

"Sure!" I said " Why not today? When you get home from work, we'll change and we'll head out."

"Okay! Sounds good to me." she replied and headed out the door for work. I watched her get into her car and drive down the road. About halfway down though, she came to a halt. Me, confused and curious as to why she stopped so suddenly, when there wasn't anything to stop her, I bolted out the door and walked over to her car. 

"What went wrong?" I asked. She looked at me. I could see the relief slowly sink in.

" There was something that looked like a person in the road and I almost hit them. After I stopped, it was completely gone." 

" I didn't see anything in your way." I said "It was probably your mind playing tricks on you. Just keep driving and call me when you get to work."

" Okay" she replied. When she drove off, I walked back to the house 100% certain whatever she saw was not at all real. I stood on the porch and watched the squirrels fight over nuts then I sensed movement behind me. I turn around. Disregarding what I had felt, there was nothing to be seen except the bright red door to my house. I turned around, opened my door muttered a few profanities and flung it shut. A few seconds later my wife called. She told me she was at work and that she was pretty sure she had seen this thing called a banshee. And she also informed me that I should let everyone know. So I did. I called everyone, even my dad. They all told me the same thing, somebody is going to die. Despite the details I was given, What I would feel, what I would see, what I would hear, I called them all mentally deranged and hung up with a huff. Then I sat down on the couch and watched tv for a bit. Then I started feeling weird, I felt really heavy-hearted. Then I heard the first wail. As otherworldly as can be. It went on for HOURS and I just sat there until my wife came home. Then we headed over to her mom's house. We laughed and talked and exchanged stories of fruitless drivers. In the middle of my story I heard a scream. I remembered what I had been told, If I had felt sad the first time I didnt need to worry. But everyone else did. (To be continued):)

   Teacher commentary:

Very nice job with this. Good use of language…this has a great flow and rhythm to it. Since this is just a short story…it works well…but if you really wanted to take this to a new level…you would develop the narrative a bit more…tell me about your wife when you first introduce her….when making calls about the banshee…describe each person you call, your relationship with them…and what EXACTLY they said to you when you shared the news. It is especially important to do this in a mystery/horror story because you want it to be a slow burn…gradually build suspense. At any rate…great job…you have a lot of talent as a writer.