Sometimes, the most wonderful feeling of all is …simply to be ‘free’.

She looked down at received message on her phone. Her heart throbbed. It was Him. Not just any him, but the same ‘him’ that has broken her heart several times & she kept ignoring, explaining herself, as he reminded her too every time.... “I am like this, accept or reject.

A thousand thoughts and memories flashes through her mind as she thinks back to their whirlwind affair. Was it a fairy tale at first! His words and affection swept her off her feet like she’d never known or she might have heard and seen what she wanted to hear or see from him, ignoring all red flags. Maybe he put on a facade at first, maybe she ignored the signs, and maybe she just wanted to believe in ‘love’. He may turn sober one day.

It was always magical, every time when she was with him. He sounds so perfect, so manly. He talks so enterprising, aggressive, so ambitiously, work alcoholic, a perfect Capricorn, motivated, branded, but hideous…ghosted….ultimately every gap let me to think, whether I am still in relation or out of it…& suddenly after few months he appears. Every departure was left with some silly arguments which shaped into an ugly fight…and it’s all one sided from him…this pattern becomes constant for 5 long years.

The happiness & good times slowly changing into something darker & bitter.

The butterflies that once surrounded their love left and she finding herself fighting for a love that made her feel like flying roaches. Whatever the reason was, she realizes after a while that he wasn’t the person she thought him to be, and it made her sick. His hateful words and hostility made the beauty of a once delightful ‘love affair’ dissipate until she no longer knew why she was trying any more. She questioned herself a lot, she wanted to confront to him every single time, by keeping aside all the hatred & accusations. But he avoided & used to take easiest way, BLOCK or just disappear. He felt safe over messages pointing fingers to her always.

Some random moment was when everything changed. She realised, he is not happy of her kindness and positivity. Somewhere her optimistic & forgiving approach irritates him. He cannot control her, because she is not reacting; instead she is trying to put his views in certain reasonable way. She never whine, demand, complain or asking help from him. She just need him to be with her as a friend & companion cause, she is self-made woman, a change maker, a struggler in her ways by in profession & in personification….and there he finding her ‘unusual’ or weird or crazy as he always used shut her down calling by those adjectives! He is Average minded. He doesn’t know to handle her; he might be feeling weak, defensive or competitive!

She couldn’t allow him to continue disrespect and mistreat her any more. No one had that right and she took her power back. It was an ugly meltdown of something that used to be wonderful...until she dug deep and scrapped her way out of a fragile illusion, managing to get away from him with her dignity abused, but intact.

His number displayed on her phone, his name was no more listed. She wasn’t going back to that place where she was once fighting to breathe. While he had taught her a lot about herself; not because she chose to learn those lessons, but because she had nothing left for him.

Not again. She pressed ‘decline’.

Sometimes, the most wonderful feeling of all is simply to be free.