Regret

" If you love someone tell them before it's too late 

it's better to let it out and hear the outcomes than keeping it to yourself and live with regrets and doubt " 

I'm a 25 Indian man now living in America. this is a story about my first love, best friend, high school crush who died 7 years ago because of cancer. I thought maybe I'll finally move on if I told my story... 

-8 years ago -

- at school it was our last year before college - 

- first semester -

"Hello!! ... morning !!! " Sara said 

" oh Goodmorning," I said 

* yes Sara was her name .... she's the prettiest girl I've ever seen ... every boy had a crush on her, she had beautiful blue eyes, her father is Indian and her mother was Russian also pretty, she's my childhood friend, a best friend  also my first crush *

" what are you listening to ?" she said 

" Micheal Jackson songs," I said 

" omg how can u listen to his song alone .. knowing I'm also his fan .. you failed the loyalty test ... move !!" she said 

"Sorry ... it just popped up ... " I said while hugging her 

* THE PERFUME AND PRODUCTS SHE WAS USING, REALLY HAD A SWEET SMELL ... * 

" HMMM, "she said while pouting 

"I'm sorry ... I'll make it up to you .. what do you wanna eat .. ill buy ... and you can listen to Micheal Jackson's songs ... ill play for you " 

she started smiling " okay ... I want kai murukku " she said 

" okey then kai murukku it is " i said 

* her favorite snack was kai murukku, she meant a lot to me *

*telling this story brings back a lot of memories ...-sobs- I'm sorry .... * 

"Hey Sara ... can I copy your math homework real quick," Akash said 

*Akash is the popular boy in school that also had a crush on Sara, Sara knew about it .. she also had a crush on him .....

all I had to do is support her from behind * 

" oh hey ... sure sure ... just a sec* she said .. while looking for the math homework 

" here you go " she said 

" thank you .. I'll return it as soon as possible or you can come to get it at my house," he said 

" haha ... I need it for class later on," she said 

"oh yeah... sorry I forgot .... I forgot we had classes .. all I was thinking about was you," he said 

* I hated his guts a lot .... every time he's around Sara he has to flirt.... such a playboy .. and doesn't even care that others are around* 

" hahah stop it," she said 

" uhm.. I'm still here," I said 

"oh bro... sorry .. I'll copy them real quick... see you in a bit, Sara," he said while leaving

" do you really have a crush on someone like him? " I said out of jealousy 

" yes I do .. why are you asking? are you jealous that if I get to be with him? Does ill never spend time with you? 

don't worry you're first place ... I know you longer than him ... so I won't replace you ... " she said while playing with my hair 

* how can I tell her that I like her also .. while she has a crush on someone else? 

"hey, I like you " hearing that from someone you see as your bestfriend nothing more than that... how would she feel I didn't want to lose her because I confessed .... so it was best to love her in silence ... I thought* 

*the first semester passed * 

*second semester she got married .... yes her parents married her off because she had s*x with Akash ... i didn't knew about it ... *

*seeing her getting married to an a*hole hurts... I don't know which one hurts the most 

1. her having s*x with that a*hole

2. her not telling me 

or 3. her getting married and being that a*hole's wife *

*she stopped contacting me after she got married * 

*yes the one that said she wouldn't replace me, and would never stop spending time with me * 

* my pain turned into hate... ... no hate for her... hate for me ... I hated myself for letting her off with him ... she was close to me ...and i let someone further away catch her * 

*after i went to college i visited her parents to know where she is now * 

* her parents couldn't contact her also ... they don't know where she is * 

* they had to report her missing * 

* I got worried ... where is she ? ... what is she doing now ?.... how is she ? ... all these thought kept me awake ... i couldn't eat 

my health was not okay * 

* after 5 months she came home ... the Sara I knew... is not the Sara I saw ... my heart dropped ... she was... -starts crying- ..... 

she .. -sobs- she looked like a 5min to dead person ... her hair ... her body ... everything was - exhales - it was horrible to watch... 

i hugged her ... she started crying... -cries- that pain... her cry had a lot of emotions, deep secrets, pain everything combine... it made us all cry .. ... * 

*we put her down,... we saw her health dropping.... after a week we asked her what happened ... why she disappear all of a sudden and looked so .. ... *

" I- I got raped .... h-he sold me to his friends - cries-...... one of his friend had cancer ..... I - I have cancer too he said he loved me ... but after we got married... i knew the actual truth .. he made a bet with his friends ...

he wasn't in love with me ... it was all a bet ... a bet he made... if he could make me his they would have rewarded him " she said while crying 

* hearing all of this made me hate him more... I hated him to the point that I wanted him dead * 

*we brought her to the hospital... but it was all late... she didn't have long * 

* her parents put Akash and his friends in jail... one died already because he had cancer ... *

"I don't love her... it was a bet... i didn't know my friend had cancer... he also didn't know ... thank god i didn't have s*x with her after my friends went "... 

"they said if i give her up to them .. they would reward me more... they also wanted to smash ... .. a beautiful girl like her .. who wouldn't ... I opened the door for every other guy that couldn't" 

"To them I'm a hero... and she wasn't my type ... it was all for fun" 

*hearing that from him.... make me regret it for not confessing to her... I hated myself more .... he got sentenced to death.... but they killed him in jail after hearing the news about him *

*why was i ... -sobs -........ why didn't i... it could have turned out different ... better,,....,.. she died 2 months after .... *

she would have been alive if I told her how I felt ... ... I told her I love her. I confessed to her on her death bed ... ... she smiled and said "it's okey... hope we meet again.. everything happened for a reason... move on... let me go... so i can rest in peace and don't have to worry.. I made my decision to fall for someone like him .... "

" I hate myself... I hate -" I cried while holding her hands 

"shhh .... don't you dare hate yourself... its not your fault ... thank you for being there for me all this time.... " she said 

" you're a nice guy... i hope you find happiness in life ... finish college ... get married.... take care of yourself... promise you'll do all of those for me," she said 

" i ... i promise... but how "I said 

" no one lives forever ... i love you .. tell mom and baba i love them " she said while catching her last breath

" Sara ... Sara !!" i said... I couldn't believe it ... she ... she's dead 

* my world collapsed ... i was suicidal .... if i ended my life I would be with her... i though ... her family saw my condition... her family and mine decided to send me to America... maybe i would forget what had happened they though... * .. 

* who would forget something like this?... tell me !!... -cries- .... he deserves to burn in hell... all of them ... hell was made just for them 

* Sara ... you said I should move on... how can i move on if i can't forget... I know you're doing great up there... I'm sorry i couldn't protect you ... i'm sorry for everything ... I'll try to move on.. .. I know you're watching over us .. from above... I don't want you to be worried... I'll try... i finished college at least.. - smiles- *

* I wish I told you how I felt... I wish ... *