Perennial Demise

From:- Vigneshwari Natarajan 

To:- Mom

Dear Family, 

Happy New year. By the time you read this letter, the almighty would have blessed you with a brand new year and 365 supplementary sheets for you to fill. It hurts to digest that I am miles apart from all of you. But, you know what? My heart and soul often wander around our house. When I look at the walls of my house, I miss those notes and pictures we decorate our walls. My room back in Delhi is enormous than the room in our house. I remember fighting and howling all the while for no privacy in our home. There is nobody around me. This privacy kills me.

Right now, my mind is operating the time machine to go back to my past in 2021. I perceive that the year "2021" is synonymous with the word "procrastination." It might not be identical to all but, I could sense the guilty satisfaction in squandering 365 days, 8,760 hours, and 525,600 minutes all this while. Today as I am screening through the dimensions of my heart and mind, one thing I feel is never to pen such a pessimistic note next year. I want sanguinity, productivity, and the strength to toil and grind all the while. My eyes filled with anguish and pain are searching for methods to comprehend my mistakes. As I pen down my thoughts into words, I sense how disappointed you would feel to see me being unproductive and erratic. 

The year '2020' created unknown isolation in me and, this isolation made me treat the year '2021' as a year of celebration. I haven't explored this place much. Lockdown is on and off in Delhi. How are things back there? Is Mitha still troubling you? Is dad still wailing to the top of his nerve? 

I know that things might have been a little stressful there. The feeling of isolation is awful. Nowadays, I think a lot about our Kuttu ( Grandma). You know that I don't possess any love for her. Technically, she doesn't deserve it. Practically, she does deserve both our love and sympathy. I can't imagine how she surpassed 19 years of companionship with isolation. I recently started attending social meetings in our school. I never liked it.

Girls, there are too judgemental. They make me feel more insecure and secluded. I stopped being studious and productive for the past year. I accidentally turned on the switch for "procrastination" and am striving to reverse my action. I started eating more junk and typically earned quite a lot of saddlebags here and there. You will be shocked to see my irregular-shaped figure. Yes, I have regained twice of what I had shed. I've again enrolled in workout sessions. I can't promise to be back to shape again but, I can tell that I can strive to be healthy.

I think that's it.

I have written all I wanted to confess and share with you in this letter. I don't want another message in return. I want to be with you all this Jan. 

Just you and me.

I need some essence of compassion. I do with all the virtual times we had together. I am yearning to meet you.

Good Bye and Welcome!!!