Pendulum

Toughest of times, the corona period it is, isn't it? But, the toughest is not only to protect ourselves. I am pursuing IT engineering, though I have no interest. I took a diploma, right after my 10th standard, when I didn't even realize what I like and what I didn't. I had no idea about my passion. Every teacher used to judge us or say, treat us according to our maths and science marks. That's all we ever cared about. Though, I used to get good marks I barely liked it. It was like heavy stones put around me and I had to go along with it everywhere. 

3 years of diploma, though I was a ranker, I didn't like it. I did it because I was told to. During that period, I read my first ever book. And, then the chain continued. I never cared more for anything than my books. I was obsessed with them. Then, I started writing too. That's when I realized, for what I was born. What my soul craves. I went to pursue my graduation, and things changed. The workload increased so much that my reading suffered. I started feeling angry and depressed. I wanted to leave my degree but then, what would society think of me made more things depressing. 

Now, the corona period had allowed me to work for my passion and I could not be more thankful. But, as digital study started, colleges started giving double the work than required. I barely pass now but still, I can't read. So, I am living a pendulum life which I never asked for. For all I wish is to read, as my soul craves. I am driven by my passion for reading and writing and now, I can only regret that if I had known this part of me only a bit earlier, my life would have been different. I would not be crying my heart out for something I can never be better at, and for whom, the society. 

As I write my today's assignment, where my fingers started making a crackling sound, and feared the pain which I could no longer stand with rolling tears in my eyes. The heavy heart which just utters that leave it and do what you want but it is no easy task for my brain to compile. The beautiful night where slow winds blow if I had been living my "dream" life would be the one when I would be singing and living life happily. But, here I am, flowing my tears, and living like a robot who is being taught how to be a good follower.